The last time he held me in those arms, Luke was on a flying visit home. We only had three days together. Not long enough to make up for the months we’d missed. Especially now I know it was the last time we were together.
I remember like it was yesterday how excited I was to see him as I flung open the door of my parents’ house and jumped into his arms. Luckily, he caught me, and I didn’t end up falling on my butt.
We went to our favorite diner on the first night. It was a bit awkward in the beginning sitting opposite each other eating our burgers, trying to catch each other up on our lives. Him talking, me talking, both of us talking at once in our rush to tell each other stories.
Our lives at that point couldn’t have been more different. I was living a typical college life at the UF with my friends, filled with parties and fun. He was following a strict regime of tough physical challenges as he worked to complete his training.
But by the time we were sharing a large slice of Key Lime pie, we were back on track. Those months apart faded away like we’d never been apart.
After dinner, we drove to our favorite beach. I remember it was a clear starry night when we walked across the cooling sand. Then as we'd done many times in the past, we lay down on a blanket, the moon shining on the ocean our only light. My head pillowed on his firm muscled shoulder. His arm wrapped around me, holding me close, nestled in the warmth of his body.
Tonight, I’m clearly remembering every detail of the night when we made love on the beach to the sounds of the waves washing up on the shore. A night like so many other nights we had shared in high school but different.
What made the night special, different from other nights, was our lovemaking. It was a little desperate, a little wild. I had missed him so much and I knew he felt the same.
Back then we really did exist in own private little bubble of love. It all feels bittersweet to me now when I look back with a jaded heart.
Our last day together was a perfect long, hot, Floridian day, spent lazing on the beach side by side. Cooling down in the surf when the sun was too hot or when Luke’s touches heated my skin. When the shadows of the afternoon stretched across the beach, we returned to Luke’s house where we laid together on a lounger on his back deck, hugging, kissing and caressing. The desperation was back but this time tinged with thoughts of him leaving again.
Closing my eyes in the dark, I can recall a crystal-clear memory of Luke shirtless in his low riding boardshorts relaxing back on the lounger. The perfection of his bronzed fit body carved out of many long, tough hours of training. The smooth skin pulled taut over his broad, naked chest and rippling down over sculpted abs. Firm, hard-muscled arms casually folded behind his head. He was all mine that night.
As I recall the vivid memory it stirs a deep sense of longing buried over the intervening years. My heated skin tingles and my nipples harden underneath my T-shirt as I lie back on my bed. Damn, I hate how remembering Luke can still turn my body on the same way he did back then.
I pull the spare pillow over my face and scream into it. I hate this hold he has on my thoughts. The only way out of this destructive cycle is to act like the grown up I am and get this meeting done. I pick up my phone and text Luke telling him, I will meet him on Friday night.
Five days away.
This week at work has been crazy busy.
The project I'm working on has reached a critical point, so there were a lot of long days at the office. Too many meetings and not enough hours in the day to get my work done.
Today we finally got recognition for all those long hours we put in to hit the project deadline. Internally I am high fiving myself. It has all been worth it. The move from the Orlando office to Manhattan is turning out to be a good career move for me.
Another bonus of all the extra-long hours I’ve worked this week is that it’s been a great distraction from my impending meeting with Luke. Each night I’ve come home late, I’ve been so exhausted all I can do is collapse into bed, falling asleep thinking about work instead of Luke filled dreams.
Now the five days I gave myself to prepare are up and in about an hour I'll be seeing Luke face to face for the first time in eight years.
I wish instead I was on my way to Benny’s for Friday night cocktails with the girls.
I left work early today, to give myself plenty of time to get home to shower and change. Now I'm thinking no amount of preparation time will be enough for my meeting or showdown with Luke. Showdown seems right as it’s definitely not a date. Truthfully, I’m not sure what the heck tonight should be called.
Biting my lips, I fidget again with the hem of my dress. My hands are shaking so much, I can hardly pull the zipper up. I’ve decided to wear my new favorite aqua dress. The fitted bodice hugs my breasts and small waist, while the full short skirt shows off my legs. I love the feel of the floaty skirt brushing against my legs and the color reminds me of the ocean along the Florida coastline.
Quite simply, this dress makes me feel good, and tonight I need as many good vibes as I can get to help bolster my confidence.
Jasmine and Lily have said they'll come with me to the bar but then I'm on my own. They won’t come in but instead wait at a smaller bar down the road.
Shit, the way I’m feeling right this moment, I may need them to carry me into the bar and prop me up on a barstool.
Drying my freshly washed blonde hair straight, I keep telling myself I need to do this.
Jasmine knocks on my bedroom door. “Can I come in, hun?”
“Sure,” I reply, standing in front of my mirror, putting the finishing touches to my makeup.
As Jas walks into my bedroom, she smiles at me in the mirror. “You’re gorgeous in that dress, Cass. Luke is going to be drooling. And having heaps of regrets about what he missed out on.”
“Not sure about the drooling but let him have regrets when he see how well I'm doing.”
