CASEY
For almost as long as I can remember, the days leading up to the holiday season get exponentially harder.
Every year, I tell myself that it’ll get easier. Every year, I’m wrong.
I’m hopeful that this year might just be the one that the grief and loss won’t be quite so bad. It’ll be there. It’ll always be there. But less, maybe.
Kodie has been the best distraction, as has his daughter.
As promised, he and the Vipers slaughtered his old team, winning yet another shutout game. They also won their next home and road games. They’re killing it this season. They’ve got their eyes on the playoffs and the cup, and honestly, I think they’ve got a good chance.
But of course, better than all of that, Sutton and the Polar Bears won their home game, and there were no injuries or trips to the ER. I call that a double win. There was no way I could deal with a repeat of that experience quite so soon.
Kodie has mostly kept my mind off the impending holidays, but with him on the road and needing to be at home with Sutton, he’s not here as much as I’d really like.
I miss him something awful.
I know it’s early—we’re not even public with our relationship yet— but I need more.
Does that make me a crazy-obsessed puck bunny who always needs more than players are willing to give? I really fucking hope not.
Showing him my scrapbooks the other night was the most mortifying thing I’ve ever experienced. Fuck knows why I told him.
His reaction, though...I never could have predicted that.
I shake my head, my heart so full of love for a man I’ve adored from afar for so many years.
I pull into Dad’s driveway with a lump in my throat and emotion burning my eyes.
Holidays without Mom are awful.
It doesn’t matter how many years pass; the hole she left is still as huge and raw as ever.
Pulling my cell out, I send Kodie one final message.
As much as I might want our exchange to continue, we both need to focus on our families today. I hope that maybe one day, we could be celebrating together as one big family. But today, we have to be strong for our parents and make the best of a day where we’re to be thankful, even if those we love aren’t with us.
Casey: I can’t wait until later. I’m so thankful for you and everything you’ve brought to my life.
The dots start bouncing immediately as if he is sitting waiting for a message.
55: That’s a really lovely way to say you’re thankful for my dick, Trouble.
I roll my head as a laugh huffs out of me.
Casey: I’m thankful for a whole lot more than just your dick. I’ll show you later.
55: Is it bedtime yet?
Casey: Give Sutton a hug from me x
Dropping my cell into my purse, I push the door open and climb from my car.
To my disbelief, Dad didn’t say a word about bumping into me at the arena the next morning. He didn’t even look at me suspiciously.
Maybe I didn’t lie as badly as I thought I had. Or maybe it was his exhaustion from road games and traveling. Whatever it was, I’m grateful, because it’s given me a little more time to try and figure out how I’m going to tell him about Kodie.
There’s a part of me that believes it’ll be fine. Dad only wants the best for me, and being with Kodie makes me happier than I’ve ever been in my life. But also…all he’s ever told me is to stay away from his players.
