“I’m pretty sure I know how I feel.” She sits back on her heels. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same way. I know you, Lulu. I’m not stupid. I see the way you look at me. You feel it too.”
“I-I…” I blink, tears welling in my eyes.
“Fuck.” She blows out a harsh breath. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I came on too strong. I just. Fuck!” She groans, running her hands through her wild brown hair. “This is all new to you. I shouldn’t have told you I felt like this.” She shakes her head. “I should have waited until we were in California. Gave you some time away from everything.”
“I don’t know what's going on right now,” I whisper.
She stares at me for a long moment, brows furrowed, before finally speaking. “You don’t feel the same way, do you?” she asks, her voice cracking.
“I don’t know what I feel,” I find myself saying.Lie.I know exactly what I feel. I want to tell her I love her too, that I want only her. It's only ever been her. But it can’t happen. It just can’t. “Us… this…” I shake my head. “It can’t happen. It’s not right.”
Her body stiffens.
“What do you mean it’s not right?” she asks, voice sounding hurt.
“Me and you… We can’t… I can’t…” I shake my head, more tears spilling down my face.
“It’s because of them,” she sneers. “It’s because you can’t let go of them. Lulu, they’re toxic, evil people!” she shouts. “How long are you going to let them control your life?”
“I can’t!” I sob out. “I can’t.”
Her face shifts into anger, and my heart breaks. “Not even for me?”
“Ally…” I need to say something, but all I can focus on is how my whole world is crashing down around me.
“No.” She shakes her head. “You can’t really tell me you plan on moving back here and marrying whatever freak they pick outfor you. That you're just going to let them control you for the rest of your life? I know you, Lulu. You hate them. You hate their way of life.”
“They’re my parents,” I respond pathetically.
She scrambles to her feet. “Parents who don’t care about you!” she screams. “They only care about following that fucking cult. You want to live your life being a judgmental bitch? Hating on Alphas and Omegas? Believing that it’s wrong and evil?”
“No.” I shake my head. “You know I don’t.”
“But you're going to continue to live a life with people who do? Lie, tell them what they want to hear, and act like you do?” she scoffs, shaking her head. “It’s just as fucking bad, Lulu.”
“Ally, please.” I scramble to my feet. “Please, can we just enjoy the time we have together?”
She looks like I’ve visibly slapped her. “Tell me,” she demands. “Tell me you don’t feel the same way about me.”
“Ally, I…” I shake my head.
“Say it, Lulu. Tell me you don’t love me. You don’t want me.”
“Please, don’t make me,” I beg her. “Please. Please. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Tell me you don’t feel the same way, and you never will.” Her voice cracks. “But I can’t do this. I can’t go to California with you, knowing that in a few years, you're going to come back here and forget all about me. That you're going to get married to some boring Beta who only cares about the ways of that stupid church. Having his babies and playing the doting wife, when really you're dying on the inside. It will kill me, Lulu.” Tears roll down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I came on too strong. We can take this slow, go at your pace. But I’m begging you, pick me. I’ll give you the world. I’ll stand by your side. I’ll help you when it comes to your parents.”
“I can’t.” I shake my head, the words feeling like acid on my tongue. “They will disown me.”
“So fucking what!?” She throws her hands up in the air. “You hate them!”
“They’re my parents. They’re all I have.”
Her face falls. The silence is deafening. “Okay.” She nods her head, looking away from me. “Okay. You’ve made your choice.”
“Ally!” I call out after her as she turns around. “Ally, please!”
She stops halfway down the hill, her back to me. “I can’t sit by and watch you waste your life away. I can’t sit by and act like my feelings for you aren’t there. I won’t hide, Lulu. Because what I feel isn’t wrong. My family life isn’t wrong. I can’t pretend you’re not going to become your parents, and our friendship will die as some dirty little secret. So, what's it going to be?”
