Asher must have sensed me when I approached because his lips tipped up into a soft smile. “Hi,” he said, his voice low. “Nice to meet you.”
I didn’t want to speak. I didn’t want him to know it was me kissing him. I wanted this moment between us, and I feared what he would do if he realized that it was me standing in front of him. I felt so torn. I wanted to leave and forget that I ever stood there. But I also wanted this.
I wanted him.
I raised my hands and placed them on his cheeks. His scruff was rough against the palm of my hands. His expression stilled as he kept his face upturned toward me. I braced myself for what I was about to do. I needed to prepare myself for this.
And then I leapt. I leaned in and brushed my lips against his. It was featherlike and only lasted for a second before I pulled away. I stared down at his blindfold, wishing that he could see me and I could see him. But at the same time, I felt so grateful that I was protected by the fabric.
His expression stilled before his eyebrows knit together. “Ella?” he whispered. His breathing shifted to something deep and soulful. It matched my own.
Suddenly, his hand was on my cheek with his fingers threaded in my hair. He rose up from his chair as his other hand found my waist and he pulled me back to him. Our lips crashed together once more. This time, the kiss was desperate.
I wrapped my arms around him. I never wanted to let him go. Nothing in my life had felt this right. I was made to kiss Asher. I just wished he felt the same.
“Okay, okay. He has other ladies to kiss,” a female voice said, as my shoulder was pushed as if she were trying to break us apart.
I didn’t want to stop, but I knew I had to. Eventually, I was going to have to walk away from Asher. Eventually, our friendship would be over and I’d just be a person from his past. Better it happen now instead of later.
I pulled back and hurried away, my fingers instinctively going to my lips. I was desperate to hold onto the moment I just shared with Asher. That kiss was seared on my lips and my memory. I didn’t look back as I hurried through the crowd and over to the table where Chad was sitting. He was on his third drink and looked sufficiently buzzed.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I grabbed my purse and pulled out a twenty to throw on the table. “We’re never going to work.” I didn’t wait for him to respond as I turned and made my way out of the pub and into the pouring rain. I ran to my car.
I stood next to the driver’s door with rain running down my face as I fumbled around in my purse for my keys. I needed to get out of here so I could cry because my heart was shattering in my chest. Finally, I found the key fob and unlocked the door. Just as I pulled on the handle, a hand grabbed the door.
I glanced up to see Asher standing there. He was drenched as he stared down at me. His eyebrows were knit together, and his chest was rising and falling with each breath.
“What was that?” he asked, his voice loud so I could hear him over the storm.
A tear slid down my face. In that moment, I was grateful for the rain. “What was what?” I asked.
He took a step back like I had slapped him. He studied me before he shook his head. “That kiss, Ella. What was that?”
I stifled a sob as I held his gaze. “It was a kiss. That’s all.”
His gaze darkened. “Really?”
No. Not really. That wasn’t just a kiss. To me, it was everything. But he was engaged. He loved another woman, and he was marrying her tomorrow. I didn’t deserve him. He was on his path to happiness, and I was the stupid one who’d changed her mind.
Asher deserved so much more than me.
“Yes,” I whispered.
He took a step back as he pushed his hand through his hair. He studied me for a moment before he cursed under his breath and dropped his gaze. Seconds felt like hours as I waited for him to look up at me again. When he did, his gaze searched mine as if he were looking for a different answer.
I was determined he would never find it.
“Goodbye, Asher,” I said as I reached out for an awkward handshake.
He studied my outstretched hand for a moment before he wrapped his fingers around mine. “Goodbye, Ella.”
I slipped my hand out of his and then turned back to my car. I opened the driver’s door and climbed inside, and I didn’t hesitate as I slammed my door shut. I started my engine, and by the time I turned to look over my shoulder, Asher was gone. Tears were flowing down my cheeks as I drove through the parking lot and out onto the street.
I was sobbing by the time I got home. I didn’t bother to turn on any lights as I kicked off my shoes and tossed my purse on the kitchen counter. I shuffled to my bedroom, where I undressed and let the soaking wet clothes drop to the floor. Then I crawled into bed and hid under my comforter.
I cried until I had no more tears left to cry, and then I just lay there, my heart breaking as I thought about Asher and our past. Losing Asher had felt manageable when he’d been my best friend. But now, he was the man I loved, and I feared that I was never, ever going to heal. I was going to be shattered.
Forever.
