His promise not to abandon me now rang hollow in my mind. I thought he would never lie to me. Now, I wasn’t so sure.
I pulled open the garbage and dumped the offending French toast into the bin. My mind swirled with thoughts as I stared down at it for a moment before bumping the pullout with my hip. It slid closed behind me as I turned back to the griddle.
Maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe he wasn’t staying away from me because he was mad. Maybe he was just embarrassed. I couldn’t fault the guy for leaving the way he did. He probably just needed to cool down, and then he’d be back. I’d known Asher for years. He wasn’t going to walk away from me because of this…right?
Our friendship had to be stronger than this. I just needed to make sure his confession didn’t change our relationship. He was going to come to his senses, and we were going to move past this. He was still my friend, no matter what he said.
With this new resolve in my chest, I dipped a piece of bread in the egg and cinnamon batter and then set it on the hot griddle. It popped and sizzled, but I stayed vigilant until one side was a nice crispy brown, then I flipped it to the other side and waited.
With my food finally cooked to an edible level, I grabbed a glass of milk, my plate of French toast that I had amply drizzled with syrup, and utensils before I headed to the dining room. I mindlessly scrolled on my phone while I ate. Once I was stuffed and certain that I couldn’t eat another bite, I leaned back in my chair, stretching my stomach before I stood and gathered my dishes.
I spent the next hour distracting myself with cleaning the kitchen. I cleared out my fridge, wiped it down, and returned the non-expired items to the shelves. I wiped down the countertops and then moved on to sweeping and mopping the floor.
Once I was done and standing on the outskirts of the kitchen, staring at the floor that was slowly drying in front of me, I realized that the only way to truly distract myself long enough to forget about Asher was to get out of my apartment.
Maybe doing some grocery shopping would help me feel better.
I quickly showered and dressed in a black shirt and dark blue jeans. I braided my damp hair before putting on some foundation and mascara so I didn’t look like I was the walking dead. Then I turned off the bathroom light and headed back into the kitchen to grab my purse. After locking up my apartment, I stood in the hallway, staring at the door. I wondered if I should leave a note for Asher just in case he came back, but then I shook my head and pushed that thought from my mind.
I pulled my purse strap higher up on my shoulder and made my way down the hall. Once I was outside, the warmth from the sun washed over me. I squinted and fished around in my purse for my sunglasses as I headed toward my car.
After unlocking the door and climbing in, I started the engine and stared straight ahead for a moment as memories from this morning resurfaced in my mind. My whole body responded to the memory of Asher leaving, and I was thrown back into a tailspin of emotions.
How were we ever going to get over this?
I let that thought marinate before I scrunched up my nose and shook my head. “We’ll be fine,” I whispered as I put my car in reverse and studied the camera screen on the dash as I pulled out of the parking spot.
With my car now pointing in the direction I wanted to go, I put the car in drive.
It was a ten-minute drive to Godwin’s. I cheered inside when I found a parking spot right next to the front doors. If Asher had been in the car with me, he’d pump his fist in the air and high-five me in celebration. That thought made me miss him for the umpteenth time today.
Fear that our relationship was never going to be the same again washed over me, but I forced it to the darkest parts of my mind. We were going to be fine. Our friendship had withstood a lot. It could withstand this.
I grabbed my purse and put the strap on my shoulder as I pulled on the door release and climbed out of my car. After slamming the driver’s door, I pressed the lock button on my key fob and made my way into the store. It took me three carts to find one without a wobbly wheel. Once I was satisfied, I slid my purse off my shoulder and dropped it into the basket as I pushed through the sliding doors.
Godwin’s was quiet when I walked in. Mrs. Godwin was ringing up a customer and called out a “Mornin’,” when I walked past.
I shot her a smile and a nod before I rounded the corner and headed toward the produce.
After I filled my cart with strawberries, apples, and zucchini, I headed toward the meat counter. Ribeye steak sounded like the perfect dinner for a confused heart.
Sal, Godwin’s butcher, pushed open the swinging doors with his back, his gloved hands raised in front of him. He let me know he’d be with me in a minute, he just had to finish processing the meat he was working on. I told him to take his time, to which he gave me a grateful nod. Now alone, I pulled out my phone, rested a foot on the rack under the cart, and leaned both elbows on the handle. I was mindlessly scrolling when I saw movement from the corner of my eye.
I glanced up to see Asher quickly turn left down the cereal aisle. My entire body froze. My heart began to pound, and before I could stop myself, I called out his name. “Asher?”
Was I seeing things? Was that really him? If it was, why was he running away from me? Worry brewed in my stomach as my mind ran wild with possibilities, but they all circled around one central theme: our relationship had changed.
When he didn’t instantly reappear, I let myself believe that I’d imagined it. I was just so upset that I’d somehow conjured him up in my mind. I had just started to relax when he appeared in the entrance of the aisle.
It took a moment for me to process him standing in front of me. So much had changed in such a small amount of time, and in that moment, I wished that more time had passed before we saw each other again. Truth was, I still hadn’t fully digested what he’d said, which meant I wasn’t even close to understanding the implications of his words on our relationship.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood there, staring at each other, but it felt like an eternity. Realizing that he wasn’t going to speak first, I forced a smile.
“Wha-what are you doing here?” I finally managed out, praying that I sounded relaxed and calm but knowing deep down that I did not.
Asher offered me a weak smile as he held up the basket he had his elbow hooked around. “Getting some food.”
I nodded. “Ah.”
