He pulled his eyes from her lips and down to his own coffee. He contemplated putting something inside of it, but with the way he was feeling, he needed it as strong as possible.
He took a few sips before he cleared his throat and turned to her. Call him crazy, but he hated sitting in silence. He needed to clear the air.
“I’m sorry,” he said, before he lost his nerve and clammed up forever.
Danielle was mid-sip. She raised her eyebrows as she swallowed the liquid and then lowered the mug. “For what? You fixed my faucet.”
Zach’s gaze made its way over to the bathroom before returning to her. “Not about that. About…” He cleared his throat again, not sure how to bring up the kiss.
Danielle’s cheeks reddened as she pinched her lips together. His meaning had not been lost on her. “You don’t have to apologize. That was a long time ago. We were just kids.” She glanced over at him and gave him a quick and uneasy smile.
There was nothing about what she said or how she said it that made him feel better at all. He could tell she was holding back. This was something he’d feared. He’d hurt her when she was hurting the most. His stomach squeezed from the desire to help her see that he’d been wrong. That given the chance, he would do things differently—even if it broke his heart to think that.
Impulse taking over, Zach leaned forward, closer to her so she could feel the full weight of his meaning. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was wrong.” He dropped his gaze from embarrassment. “I was your friend and Isaac’s brother. I over stepped.” Emotion clung to his throat as he forced the words through it.
So much guilt and pain was wrapped up in that night and he’d never realized how much he’d been holding onto it. Until hespoke the truth. When he put those words out into the world and heard them settle around him.
When Danielle didn’t respond, Zach glanced over at her. Why wasn’t she saying anything?
He could see the internal struggle playing in her expression as she raised her eyes to meet his. “I understand, Zach. You’re beating yourself up for nothing. It was a long time ago. I’m sure Isaac would understand. It’s not like…” Her cheeks reddened as she pressed her lips together and dropped her gaze.
Zach studied her. What had that been about? He leaned closer, wondering if she’d whispered the rest of that sentence and he’d just missed it. But from the firm line her lips made as she sat there, Zach realized that he’d missed nothing. She’d just stopped talking.
Not wanting to harass her more than he felt like he was doing, Zach gave her a smile as he shifted in his seat. “So you have a kid?” he asked, with the hope that talking about something other than Isaac would help clear the air.
Danielle cleared her throat and stood, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Yeah,” she mumbled as she walked over to the sink and dumped out most of her coffee into it.
Confused, Zach watched her. Had he said something wrong? In his small knowledge of the situation, most moms liked talking about their kids. “What’s his name?” he asked, having enough of boiling hot coffee in the middle of the summer, and standing to bring his mug over to her.
His arm brushed her as he handed it to her. She jumped back like she’d been burned, looking up at him with alarm. Then, without saying anything, she took the mug and dumped the liquid into the sink.
“Jesse,” she said.
Zach studied her. Wow. How had things come to this? They’d once been so comfortable around each other. Maybe he was thefool, desperately trying to hang onto something that had died years ago.
“He seems like a sweet kid.”
Danielle stopped rubbing the sponge over the mug as she turned to him. Her expression had softened and she had a sad look in her eye. “Yeah. He’s great. I couldn’t have asked for a better son.”
The downturned expression on her face tugged on his heart. She looked so vulnerable that he both wanted to touch her and yet feared what that might do to her. Needing something to do rather than reach out and wrap his arms around her like he so desperately wanted to do, Zach grabbed a dishtowel that was hanging from the oven and gently took the mug from her, their fingers brushing momentarily.
She didn’t pull away as fast as she had earlier and Zach tried really hard not to be encouraged. “And his dad?” he asked, hoping she would keep opening up to him like it seemed she was. After Isaac’s funeral, Danielle had run away and he’d never heard from her again. Had she been married? Where was the guy?
When she didn’t answer, he worried he’d pulled at the wrong thread for the umpteenth time today. He peeked over at her to see her staring at the water as it flowed into the sink. She was holding something back, he could see that.
But what?
“He’s gone,” she whispered as she reached over and took his now empty mug and began to wipe it down. Once it was clean, she switched him for the dry one, taking it and replacing it in the cupboard above them.
Not wanting to make her more uncomfortable than she so obviously was, Zach finished drying the mug and then handed it over to her. With nothing else to do, he replaced the toweland then turned, folding his arms across his chest. They stood in silence for a few moments.
“Dani,” he said, not really sure how he was going to end that sentence. He wanted to say something but what?
She was chewing her lip when she glanced up at him. There was something in her look. Pain? Loneliness? Whatever it was, Zach had a physical response to it. Like, he’d fight a lion just to make her happy.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice guttural and full of emotion.
Danielle raised her eyebrows. “For what?” she asked as the crease between her eyebrows deepened. It was familiar. Almost like a bet that Zach knew he’d win. He’d studied her reactions so much that they seemed like second nature to him.
