But I still love him. Not in the same way I used to. It’s a quieter love now. There, tangled up in years of shared memories from the life we built together. And I know he deserves more. We both do.
“We have a code red tonight,” I mutter. He doesn’t seem to care. His hands find my chest, lips on my neck.
“You could use your mouth, baby.”
I hesitate.
Jacob sighs, almost defeated. “I can’t remember the last time we…”
Guilt crushes me. So I give in, pleasuring him with my lying, scandalous mouth. He finishes in minutes, and I roll over, away from him, staring at the wall.
How did we get here? How did I get here?
I keep telling myself Dylan fills a void Jacob can’t. But it’s more than that. Dylan’s presence is unraveling me. The scariest part? A piece of me wants it to all come crashing down.
My phone vibrates, and my stomach clenches. I hope it’s not my Mom.
Dylan:Did you talk to your mom and smooth things out?
Nope, I don’t plan on talking to her. Maybe next year, I think to myself.
Dylan:I wish Jacob wasn’t next to you… getting to have you anytime he wants. It should be me in your bed.
Then more dots...
Dylan:Sweet dreams, Jenna. I know mine will have you in it.
I read it again. Then delete it without replying, even though it hurts every time. His words are my escape in the middle of chaos. But I can’t risk Jacob seeing them. And now my mom knows.
Fuck. I need to make a decision. Soon.
But the terrifying part isn’t choosing. It’s knowing that no matter what I choose… someone’s heart will break.
Including mine.
Chapter 26: Jinxed Winter Wonderland
Jenna: December
I sit in a dimly lit cafe, days after my cover was blown. Since everything started falling apart, one crack at a time. So I’ve been avoiding everyone. Even Dylan.
I’ve been here for hours, rehearsing what to say, staring at a cold cup of tea I’ve barely touched. The bell above the door jingles, and my heart sinks as my mother walks in.
“Are you ready to explain?” she asks, sliding into the booth across from me, her tone like she’s scolding a child.
“Explain what?” My voice is steady, but cold as steel. “It’s probably over.”
“How did it even start? How could you do that to your family? To Jacob. To your daughters? Did you even think about how this will ruin them? You’re no better than your father.” Her words slice through me.
“Don’t you dare judge me,” I snap, the blood rising in my veins. “Do you think this is easy? That I wanted to hurt anyone? That I don’t hate myself for it every single day?”
The words spill out faster than I can stop them. “You think I want to feel invisible? Trapped in my marriage? To wake up every day praying for clarity?” The truth tears out of me. “I didn’t plan for Dylan. I didn’t go looking for this. But I don’t know how to resist a love I’ve been starving for my whole damn life. He… he makes me feel loved and seen, like I matter. And I love him, Mom. I fucking fell in love with him.”
As the words burst out, something inside me cracks wide open.
I. Love. Him.
I think I’ve known for a while. It wasn’t one big moment, but a hundred small ones. Every time he looked at me like I wasn’t broken. Like there was something beautiful underneath all my mess. Every time he listened and showed up like he really cared.