The words lock up, but Jenna draws them out. Her touch grounding. And it hits me. Tears burn my eyes. I haven’t let myself cry in years. But suddenly I feel weak. Exposed.
“I was late, Jenna,” I choke out. The weight of my failure in every word. “Thirty-six fucking minutes. That’s all it took. When I got there, he was already gone. Cold. Lifeless. And I didn’t save him because I wasn’t there. Because I was selfish.”
Images flash through my mind. Red and blue ambulance lights. My mother’s scream. The gutted silence of my sisters’ disappointment.
Her embrace tightens.
“It’s my fault he’s gone,” I murmur, my own words cutting through me.
“But the worst part is… I knew. Deep inside, I knew. But I kept going. I listened to my dick instead of my gut. And I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
I expect her to say something back. To brush it off, to tell me I’m being too hard on myself, or maybe that I shouldn’t carry that kind of guilt. But she doesn’t. She just sits there, her hand brushing lightly against mine. And the silence between us? It feels weird… but safe.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, kissing my cheek, over and over. Her arms wrap around me, and it feels like a kindness I don’t deserve.
“That day… something broke inside me,” I say, my voice raw. “And I swore I’d never experience that kind of pain again. Never let anyone get close enough to lose them or let them down. That’s why I am the way I am. Why I don’t do relationships. I keep it simple. No feelings. No heartbreak. Love isn’t worth the risk.”
She pulls back and looks me in the eye. “No one should live like that, especially not someone as amazing as you. But thank you, Dylan. For trusting me. For letting me in and sharing this.”
“I understand if you want to end things,” I mutter, hating the words coming out of my mouth. “I don’t want you to break up your family—not for someone like me. I love our friendship, and fuck, the sex… absolutely awful. Worst I’ve ever had.” I smirk, letting the sarcasm land. “But my mind… my body… they’re all yours if you want it.”
She shakes her head, laughing softly. “The worst,” she says, smiling, before it quickly fades. “So you’re offering your mind and your body. Just not your heart?” she questions, and I can feel the hurt in her voice, see it in her eyes. “I’m sorry you had tolive through that kind of pain. But I won’t try and convince you that what happened wasn’t your fault.”
That throws me off.
“I get it.” She pauses, her face twisting with a mix of sadness and understanding. “I am very familiar with guilt and shame. But I also know it won’t change how you feel. How long are you going to keep punishing yourself by not giving that boy the love he deserves? You were just a kid, Dylan.”
She looks away, releasing her touch. “And I wish I was that person who could give it to you. But I can’t settle for pieces of you. I’m already married to someone who’s like that.”
Before she can continue, my phone vibrates again. My pulse spikes as soon as I see who it is. It’s been years. Why is she calling now?
“Everything okay?” Jenna murmurs. “Who is it?”
My thumb hesitates over the screen. “My sister.”
“The one you don’t talk to?”
“Yeah.” My breath hitches as I swipe to answer. “Amelia?”
“We need to talk.” Her voice is clipped and cold.
I glance at Jenna, concern flashing on her face. “What’s going on?” I ask Amelia, my fingers a little jittery.
“It’s about Dad. He’s in the hospital,” she says bluntly. “Heart attack.”
“Heart attack?” I repeat, stunned, my body freezing up.
“Guess the years of drinking finally caught up to him,” she mutters.
I grip the phone tighter, anger thawing me out. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for him? He did this to himself.”
“No one said you have to feel sorry,” Amelia snaps. “But like it or not, he’s still your father. And I know you, Dylan. If you don’t go see him, you will regret it forever.”
I hang up, staring at the floor. She knows me? She hasn’t even talked to me since my brother’s damn funeral.
Jenna breaks the silence. “You should go.”
I shake my head, anger still flaring. “He’s an asshole, remember. Always has been. He doesn’t deserve—”
