Guilt claws at my edges, followed by father’s voice in my head, and the weight of every fuck-up I’ve ever made. The person I could become if I cross that line. I’ve walked this road before—obsessed, dependent. And when it crashes, it crashes hard. But she’s a drug I don’t want to quit. And the scariest part, I don’t even want to try. I hold my breath, staring at the screen, waiting for her reply.
Jenna:I think that’s the wrong question…
The dots appear and my pulse hammers.
Jenna:Do I want to? Fuck yes. Really bad. Should I? Probably not. But I’ll see you soon.
Chapter 23: Planet Dylan
Jenna: December
“When I’m with you, everything feels right. Let me show you.”His voice repeats in my mind. Will his words ever get old? Will these feelings eventually fizzle out? What does he mean,let me show you? His heart? No, his dick, probably. Nope. Not happening. No dicks. No more kissing. Just friendship.
“Mommy, Mommy, guess what!” Ava charges into the bathroom, my pants still around my ankles.
“What, sweet cheeks?”
“Daddy says we can get a puppy bulldog! So we won’t be sad about Wobbles anymore.” Ava squeals, jumping up and down. “And because they’re lazy and don’t need lots of walks.”
My heart races. He didnotjust promise the girls a dog without even talking to me first. He always does this. Last weekend he promised Lily could go to that sleepover withoutchecking in. And before that, he invited all our friends over without asking if I had other plans. Aren’t we supposed to be a team and have conversations about this stuff?
“A puppy?” I ask, trying to keep my voice light. “Like… a stuffed one that doesn’t bark or pee?”
Lily joins the madness, pigtails bouncing. “No, Mommy, a real one! A big one! I wanna name it Chewie Bits!”
Ava interrupts, giggling. “No, Boner Dong! Because they like bones!”
I nearly choke on my laugh as I wash my hands and start putting my makeup on. “Do you meanBoner Dog? What’s the ‘Dong’ for?”
Jacob peeks his head in. “Is it safe to come in here?”
“So… Jacob. Really, a puppy?” I say, narrowing my eyes.
“Girls, let Mommy and Daddy talk. Go get ready for school,” he murmurs.
“Don’t give me that look like I did something wrong,” Jacob snaps, already defensive. “You said you wanted more spontaneity. You’ve been sad about the cat, and now I’m giving you the next best thing.”
Yes, Jacob. I wanted a date night—or maybe some table sex for a change. Not another mouth to feed. A dog isn’t going to fix this marriage. And it’s a hell of a lot more work than a damn cat. But I don’t say any of that.
“I guess the girls are old enough to help take care of it. And I’ve always loved cats and dogs. Next time, though, let's make big decisions together.”
He barely hears me, too busy mocking my “O” face in the mirror while I put mascara on. I glance at him, irritation flickering across my face. Another big win for Team Us. “I’m serious. Don’t turn this into a joke.”
“I hear you. Big decisions—check in with my mother. I mean, my wife.” He grins.
Oh, he didnotjust go there. If I wasn’t on cloud nine from Dylan, this whole conversation would be going differently. I can’t remember the last time I argued about something that mattered. These days, I let things go. Until I explode. That’s my thing, I let stuff build up until I can’t take it anymore. Then boom, it’s World War III.
I get dressed without responding.
“I’m kidding, Jenna,” Jacob says lightly. “Working late tonight, but we can talk more later.”
“Sounds good. I have a doctor’s appointment today and only working a half day,” I lie, kissing him before he leaves.
It’s terrifying how natural the lies come now. To him and to myself. I’ve been living two lives for months, and somehow, it’s become second nature. One part of me still plays loving mother and wife. The other part, she’s someone else entirely. Someone freer. Braver than I usually am.
But with Dylan, I’m just Jenna.
I turn on music, trying to block out the guilt, and start rummaging through my closet. What do you even wear to a “just friends” lunch that’s anything but just friends?
