Prologue
It’s two a.m., and another nightmare rips me from sleep, straight into my real-life disaster. My finger hovers over my phone after typing the one question that’s been suffocating me for months:
How do I stop loving someone I can’t have?
At least Google doesn’t judge. Within seconds, my screen lights up with infinite wisdom from strangers around the world:Cut off all contact. Focus on self-care. Find someone else.
A bitter laugh escapes me at that last one. I already have someone. But what if I didn’t have to choose at all? What if I just… had both?
Right. I’ll invite Dylan over for dinner, and Jacob can share me over my mediocre meatloaf. Maybe they’ll bond over dessert and become best friends too.
The thought is ridiculous.
I glance at Jacob, sleeping peacefully while I lie here drowning in secrets. My husband. The father of my kids. Theman who pieced me back together when the other men in my life tore me apart.
Ishouldlove him with my whole heart.
But someone else has it too… Dylan.
The man who turned my gray world into color and thawed me after years of numbness. His smile ignites something deep inside me. Every stolen glance… every forbidden touch makes it harder to ignore him.
God, how the hell did I end up here?
How did I become this woman? A liar. A fraud. Living a double life, drowning in guilt and regrets. Torn between the life I should be grateful for and the one I can’t stop dreaming about.
Shit. Izzy was right—I am a magnet for chaos. My tombstone might as well read:Jenna Jinxed forever—beloved mother, bad wife, terrible decision-maker… and train wreck.
Rain pounds against the window, echoing the storm raging inside me. Like the universe is laughing at me, reminding me how small and insignificant my problems are. If you call a forbidden affair, an estranged father, a marriage on the brink of destruction, and a past I can’t outrun “small problems.”
And here I am, begging Google for answers, hoping for some miracle advice that will fix the mess I’ve created. Because the truth is, I have no clue what I’m going to do, and there’s no way out without someone getting hurt.
The memories keep me from falling back asleep, pulling me right back to where it all went wrong...
Chapter 1: Brownies & Broken Promises
Jenna: Twenty-Two Years Earlier
Another new school. Another round of stares, like there’s a neon sign over my head that says NEW KID. And nothing new. Every time my mom ditches another loser, we pack up and “start fresh.” It’s chaotic. Exhausting. But I tell myself this is my chance to rewrite the story.
This time feels different. The city buzzes with this cool energy I’m not used to. Skyscrapers, endless noise, people too busy to care about little old me. Maybe here, I’ll easily blend in and survive the last year of high school.
I tug on the straps of my worn-out backpack and scan the room. I hope no one notices me.
“New girl! Over here!”
So much for that. A girl with untamed blonde curls streaked with electric blue waves me over. She’s wearing a bright pinkdress and combat boots that look as bold as her personality. She's got this whole Kate Hudson vibe going on. Sexy and cute without even trying. Meanwhile, my long dark hair, white tee, and baggy jeans make me feel invisible. The only thing that stands out? My green eyes. And my bright yellow sneakers—the color of sunshine, which, ironically, I have very little of in my life.
“Hey, I’m Izzy,” she says, radiating confidence that pulls me in without even trying.
"Jenna," I murmur, sliding into the seat beside her.
Izzy grins. "Well, Jenna, if you need school gossip, tips on the hottest guys, or someone to cheat you out of detention, I’m your girl.”
I laugh despite myself. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. Though my boyfriend might not love the ‘hottest guys’ part.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “Long-distance boyfriend? At seventeen? Let me guess—jealous, dramatic, and a whole lot of work?”
Ryan’s face flashes through my mind. Complicated doesn’t cover it. But I love him. Or at least, I think I do.
