“Look, I get that you’re feeling some type of way when it comes to us being friends. But as far as you not being divorced, that’s not on you.”
“Yeah, but still. There’s way too much going on in my life right now. I can’t trust my feelings.”
I moved in closer and lowered my gaze to hers. “So, you don’t think that what we have here is real?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Well, it feels pretty damn real to me.”
“Don, I’m sorry…I just can’t do this with you. Believe me, I want to, but I just don’t trust myself. Not to mention, this would open the door to shit I’m not even prepared to deal with.”
“Shit like what?”
She sighed. “Sex wouldn’t just be sex between us, and you know it.”
I nodded in agreement. “And?”
“And that’s not okay. Even if I did trust my feelings, you don’t even live here. I’m not interested in a long-distance relationship, and you moving here isn’t guaranteed.”
“We don’t know what the future holds for us, Nova.”
“Exactly, and I don’t have time to wonder. So, rather than open this little box between us, I think I should just make a mature decision and not take things too far. I don’t want to get hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
I wanted to understand where she was coming from. But being so close to having her and then feeling her pull away…that shit was hard as hell. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t feeling it and force her to see things my way. But at the end of the day, my respect for Nova trumped any feelings I had rumbling around inside of me.
Clearing my throat, I took another step back and nodded slowly. “Understood.”
She paused, her eyes layered with guilt.
But I never wanted her to feel that way. Especially, when it came down to doing what she thought was best for her.
Pulling her into my arms, I kissed her forehead. “Don’t trip, beautiful. It’s whatever you want.”
“I’m really sorry, Don. I never should have—”
“Chill. It’s cool.”
“No, it isn’t. The way I just led you on...that’s horrible…I’m horrible.”
“Trust me, you’re not horrible. Like you said, you’re going through a lot…we both are.”
“I really hate this. I’m just so damn emotional.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. Eventually, this will all be over, and you’ll be in a much better place mentally and emotionally.”
“I hope so.”
“I know so.” Gently, I gave her another squeeze.
I couldn’t lie, I hated to know that this was where our connection would end. I wanted Nova, and now that I’d had the slightest taste of her, I could tell that my craving was about to get ten times worse. Maybe moving back home wasn’t a good idea after all. After today, how was I supposed to just pretend like everything was normal between us? How could she?
Easing away from me, she said, “I guess I should probably get going.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. I need to go get Dakota anyway. She’s at Kierra’s Mom’s house.”
“Oh okay,” she replied while making her way out of the bedroom and to the front door. “I hope you guys have a safe trip back. Give Dakota a big hug for me.”
“Will do.”
