She opens her mouth to respond, words forming on her lips, but I shake my head gently. This silence between us isn't empty. It's filled with everything I couldn't give her before. A choice and a truth. She deserves that much. I start up my bike. Whatever comes next for us can't be built on manipulation.
"I'll see you around," I say before pulling off.
Maybe all this ends with a closed door, but I refuse to close it with regrets and what-ifs. I've carried the weight of unspoken words and unpursued dreams long enough. It's time to take bold steps, because the true tragedy isn't our ending. Instead, it's in the possibilities I never allowed myself to explore.
A door may close, but at least I can say I lived fully on this side of it with intention and courage.
Chapter 21
LANEY
"You know that drink works better if you consume it," Syd taunts, gesturing toward my full glass.
I smile sweetly and take a drink. "Happy?"
"Um, that would be a no." She sets down her glass. "Lanes…" she draws out my nickname. "Come on, it's time for shots. I tried the whole take-it-slow, this-is-a-marathon-not-a-sprint approach, but you need to get drunker faster and get out of your head."
I absentmindedly swipe my phone open, and she steals it. "Hey, I need that," I whine.
"No, what you need is sitting right in front of you. You need to take the edge off, and besides, you didn't mention the exchange of numbers after your little bike ride home, so any number that could flash across this screen isn't one you need to worry about."
I take a long pull of my drink, letting the liquid burn down my throat. Between the conversation I had with Noah and riding home on the back of London's bike, my head has been a mess, and I've been struggling to focus. Noah's uncharacteristic silence is still gnawing at the recesses of my mind. He's never shied away from overstepping and voicing his thoughts. But after our talk…nothing. And the words he did give me felt measured. It could be the conversation I had with Asha and Sydney prior about his potential ulterior motives that has me overthinking all of it. Still, it remains on my mind, nonetheless.
Then there's London. His contradictions are giving me emotional whiplash. One moment, he's reminding me of his desire for me to leave town, practically shoving me out, and the next, there's something magnetic pulling us back together, something that makes my skin prickle with awareness whenever he's near. His dark eyes...they tell a different story than his words. Behind his steely onyx gaze, I catch glimpses of regret, of something that looks like an apology he can't bring himself to voice.
I know what happened between us. Out of all the people he could talk to in the world, I'm the one who could understand, the one who wants nothing more than to be his rock, but still, he pushes me away. I don't know what could be so terrible that he'd rather push me away than simply tell me the truth.
"Can I get two shots of your house bourbon, please?" Sydney asks the bartender with a bit of extra sugar in her tone.
"Yes, ma'am," the bartender replies smoothly, his green eyes holding hers a beat longer than necessary before his lips quirk into an easy smile.
"Is he flirting with me, or have I just been out of the game too long?"
"He most definitely noticed you," I confirm.
"Well, we might have to stay at this bar long enough for me to get a number. Did you see his eyelashes? I wouldn't be mad waking up next to that face for a long time," Sydney jokes. "But back to this." She waves her hand in front of my face. "You look sexy as fuck tonight, and your conversation with Noah the other night went to plan. You did what's always been on your heart, and he may not see it now, but you did him a favor."
I can't help but roll my eyes. She's exaggerating, and I know she's trying to make light of something heavy, but it doesn't change the bombshell he did give me.
"He wanted me to go home with him so we could live together," I remind her. "You realize, in his world, where he lives in thepublic eye, that's basically courtship. He was ready to take things to the next level."
"Again, that's not on you, Laney. Have you been walking a fine line between friends and lovers for some time? Maybe the two of you were off more than you were ever on, and we both know when you were off, he wasn't keeping his hands to himself." She pauses to take a drink of her old-fashioned, swirling the contents in her glass before adding, "Hell, his silence could have been because he was waiting for you to leave faster so he could call his back-burner chick. We all know she exists. It's only her name that changes every few months."
"I didn't ask him to stay celibate," I point out.
"I get that, but if he were serious about taking things to the next level, he wouldn't have been getting his dick wet elsewhere. Period."
"Two shots of Greenbrooke Reserve for the ladies," the bartender says as he slides our shots across the bar top.
"Where's mine?" Asha says, returning from the restroom.
"Sorry, can you bring us one more?" Sydney asks, this time leaning onto the bar to give him a better view of her cleavage.
I roll my lips to stifle a smile. She totally ordered two instead of three intentionally.
His eyes flick between her and Asha before settling back on her with a slow, sexy smile. "Coming right up."
"What did I miss?" Asha asks, pulling out a barstool to my right.
