I pause and glance up at Hayley, finding her staring back at me with tears in her eyes. “Reed?”
“Wait. Let me get it all out. Please.” She nods, but grabs my hand again, giving it a squeeze. “Thank you. When I was about fourteen, I told my dad what was going on and all hell broke loose. He felt guilty for not seeing it, he fought with my brother, and threatened to kick him out. And my mother got worse. She went on medication for depression, blaming herself for my brother’s actions, convincing herself it’s because she was depressed that she didn’t treat him as well as she should have. But she was a great mom to me. It wasn’t her. She just couldn’t see it. She threatened to kick my dad out if he didn’t stop blaming my brother, and we fell into a pattern—Dad and I—both of us turning a blind eye to my brother’s actions, but being there to pick up the pieces every time she broke.
“Jace moved out when he was around twenty-three, and things got better for a while. But they were never perfect. And when I started garnering attention for my football skills, he wasn’t happy. He made Mom believe she hadn’t dedicated enough time to him growing up. And that he never had the potential because she’d failed him.
“At least once a year, I used to beg her to talk to someone about him and to cut him out of her life. But all it did was result in her blaming herself for making me worry, then she wouldn’t speak to me for a while. Because of that, I’ve let it go for the past few years. And Dad’s the same. He wouldn’t cope if he lost her, and he’s worried if he pushes her too far, he might. And that’s it. My whole fucked-up life story.”
A tear falls from Hayley’s watery eyes and she sniffs as she wipes it, rushing out a soft apology. “I’m so sorry, Reed. That’s a lot to deal with as an adult, but a child… I can’t even imagine. And to have to sit back and watch as your mom went through allof that. God, my heart is breaking for her. For you. For your dad. Did he ever hurt her…physically?”
“Never. And the only time he ever touched me or Dad was when he was fighting back. If we got in the way of his verbal abuse.”
“Have you ever reported him to the police?”
“We have. The first time resulted in him telling my mom that we’d pushed him into drugs. That he wanted to take the pain away. And the second time, he took off. He disappeared for weeks, and Mom was convinced he was dead and that it was her fault. The only way to save her is to make her life as good as it can be when he’s not around, and helping her through it when he is.”
“So today was about trying something new? A different approach?”
“It was. My brother has to travel for his job. He’s a sales rep for a few truck brands. And apparently his bosses love him. Dad told me he’d be in LA this week, so I set the challenge. Next thing you know, he’s at my door, opening his palm for a handout.”
“But… I sense a but…”
“When I asked him to give Mom a break, he lost it. Told me I have no idea about his relationship with Mom because I left. He tried to guilt me into believing that her depression was my fault for moving away. That it had all been my fault for being born. But I’ve heard it all before and I’m kind of immune. When I first moved out, I believed him. But my dad worked hard to convince me that he was wrong. They’re good people, Hayls. My mom and my dad. It’s just…” I trail off and she squeezes my hand again, drawing my attention.
“I never doubted that, not even for a second. But I wish I knew how to help. I wish I knew what I could do.”
“You’re doing plenty. Keep being the light that you are. It helps.”
“Like what you do for your mom?”
My forehead creases as I consider that. “I guess so, but I never want you to feel like my happiness is your responsibility. I’d never do that to you.”
“I know. You’re too nice for that.” She forces a smile.
“Lucky this is all fake between us, right? You don’t want to get caught up in this mess.”
“Fake or not, I’m here for you. I want to be. I wish I could do more.”
“Feel free to change the topic. Tell me something good. Something about your trip. The fanfare. The people you met. Hell, you could tell me about your outfits—I’ll take anything right now. Between this and losing the game, I’ve had a shitty few days.” I pause and Hayley’s eyes widen.
“Oh my God,” she gasps, her hands flying to her mouth before she jumps up and throws herself into my arms.
“What’s—”
“The game. That’s why I came. I’m so sorry, Reed. You were so close.”
I pull her closer, breathing her in. “Feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve already got my sights set on next season.”
“Don’t bullshit me.” She pushes against my shoulders, leaning back to look at me, trying to catch me in a lie. “You all played your asses off.” Her beautiful blue eyes narrow and I love how serious she is. “You deserve to be there. You—”
“Didn’t make it,” I cut her off, giving her waist a squeeze. “We didn’t make it and that’s okay. Boston was incredible. They outplayed us every chance they got.Theydeserve to be there.”
“Wow.” Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “I’ll bet all my money I get a very different response out of Luke. Maybe I should corrupt you. Make you see that you don’t have to be nice all the time.”
“I like being nice,” I say honestly. I like the joy and warmth it brings my friends and family but also… “If I wasn’t this nice, maybe we wouldn’t be here right now.”
A silence settles between us as I let that sink in, wondering if Hayley’s thinking the same. Sure, we’d probably still be friends if I was different, but we wouldn’t be this close. And she wouldn’t be finally seeing her worth, something I know has brought us closer.
“You’re right.” Hayley glances away thoughtfully before her gaze settles back on me. “I don’t want you to change. I want you to be the person you are, at the core of your soul. Not the person you are as a product of the way your brother was while you were growing up.”
