And I wasn’t going to let them take me from her.
“I didn’t know,” I whispered. “I didn’t know what he was planning.”
The truth. But also the kind of thing that sounded like a lie the second you said it out loud.
I stood too fast, heart pounding like I’d just admitted something I shouldn’t. Like the walls might be wired. Like I might never stop shaking.
But I had to pull myself together. There was no time to mourn when I needed to make sure my baby was okay, when I needed to make sure she stayed with me.
I made myself go shower.
I needed to wash my hair but the smell of coconut reminded me too much of Kieran, who I was trying very, very hard not to think about.
I wasn’t feeling any better when I stepped out of the shower, walked downstairs and grabbed a General Tso’s microwave dinner from the freezer. I didn’t feel like cooking. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like eating, but I needed fuel. I sat down at the kitchen island and scrolled through my phone mindlessly, reading about celebrities’ break-ups and marriages, trying my best to forget about my own fucked up love life.
My phone vibrated in my hand. Alek. I answered it immediately.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” he said. He sounded out of breath. “Just wanted to check in. How are you doing?”
“Shitty. That was rough. How are you?”
“I just went for a jog. I thought it would make me feel better, but it only made me feel more annoyed. How do you even run?”
“You work out every day.”
“Yeah, but I swim, like a reasonable human,” Alek said. “Running sucks.”
“I’m not going to argue with that,” I replied, sticking a forkful of far too hot chicken in my mouth.
“Are you having dinner?”
“Yeah. Did you eat?”
“Not yet,” he said, then sighed. “There’s something I need to tell you, Ruby. I’ve been…thinking about it, ever since Russell broke into your house. And before I tell you this, I’m so, so sorry.”
A chill went down my spine. I put my fork down. “What is it?”
“The police should’ve been protecting you that night.”
“I know,” I said. “Where is this going?”
“Kitsuragi was assigned to watch you. He, uh. We went out for a drink that night,” Alek said after a minute. “It spiraled. He didn’t go back to your house.”
“Wait. You were sleeping with him while he was supposed to be watching my house?” I asked him. I wanted to laugh, though I wasn’t sure why.
“You make it sound really bad.”
“Wonder why.”
“Look, I get that it sounds really bad. And it was bad. I wasn’t thinking.” He let out a breath on the other end, sharp and guilty. “We’d won the campaign, and Kitsuragi and I had a couple of drinks. He said it would be quick, and I just—God, Ruby, I didn’t think it would matter. You were going home. I never thought Russell would try to attack you that night.”
I let out a flat, humorless sound that barely passed for a laugh. “He said it would be quick?”
Alek didn’t respond at first. Then, quietly: “Yeah. I know how it sounds.”
“You let the only officer assigned to watch me walk out on his post,” I said, voice rising. “For sex. A patrol that you insisted I have. Something you pushed for. This isn’t like you.”
