From the taxi tumbled Mrs. Mulroney, Mr. Banks, Rashida, Angus, and Tilly, all shouting over one another like the baby was already halfway out. Mrs. Mulroney flung the door open with such force it nearly hit a nurse, Mr. Banks emerged holding a stethoscope and a name badge that read “Doctor Waffle Von Sauerkraut,” Rashida spilled an entire folder of hospital paperwork across the curb, Angus slipped on absolutely nothing and somehow took out a traffic cone, and Tilly climbed out last carrying Leilani’sovernight bag and shouting, “Female octopuses lay up to a hundred thousand eggs. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that today!”
As we all scrambled frantically for the door, a nurse rushed toward us looking like she was deeply rethinking her career choices.
“Who’s the patient?” she asked, eyes darting between all ten of us.
From the back seat of Tutu’s car, Leilani raised her hand. “Hi. That would be me. I’m the one in labor.”
“She’s having contractions,” I added, trying not to hyperventilate. “And she’s already broken her water. Also, if anyone asks, Dr. Waffle isn’t a real doctor.”
“Wheelchair!” the nurse shouted, completely ignoring my panic attack.
“Already on it!” Kimo declared, suddenly appearing with not one but two wheelchairs which he was steering like a pair of rally cars.
He shoved one in Angus’s direction. “Bro, you take Mr. Banks in case he tries to drop dead on us again. I’ll take big mama here.”
“Who are you calling ‘big?’” Leilani screamed in pain.
“Not you, cuz! No way I was talking about you,” he said as he bundled her into the wheelchair.
“Oh God!” she begged the rest of us. “Please don’t let Kimo drive me. The baby doesn’t have a seatbelt.”
“Too late,” he grinned. “Racers, start your engines.”
Leilani gripped the arms of the wheelchair, grunting and sweating, as the entire group swarmed the entrance like we were storming a castle.
A second nurse appeared, eyes widening as we surged past.
“Are you all family members?” she called.
“YES!” we all shouted in unison.
“Immediate family only!”
“Great,” I said. “That’s all of us.”
Together we charged behind Leilani as Kimo raced her through the corridors, following the nurses to the maternity ward.
“Where’s a pillow for her back?” asked Nakoa.
“Where’s the snack vending machine?” cried Angus.
“Where’s the whiskey!?” shrieked Mrs. Mulroney. “And make it top shelf. It’s not every day I become a grandmother!”
Elderly patients and a man with an oxygen tank moved swiftly out of our way as we careened through the corridors like a runaway train, with Kimo and Leilani in front, while Angus and Mr. Banks fishtailed behind, bringing up the rear.
A nurse jogged ahead of us, waving for us to follow. “Maternity’s this way! On the right!”
We all turned left.
“No, yourotherright!” the nurse shouted.
We slammed into each other mid-pivot like human shopping carts.
“I thought you meantstageleft!” I shouted, trying to justify the maneuver while Angus stepped straight into a mop bucket.
“This hospital is a maze!” Rashida gasped, almost dry-retching as she dodged a nurse with a splashing bedpan.
“Why is everything beige?!” Mrs. Mulroney howled. “Am I dead?! Is this purgatory?!”
