“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about blended names. Mashups. Like conjoined twins but with names instead of limbs. You know, like the celebrities. Bennifer. Brangelina.”
“You mean Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck? And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? You do know none of those marriages lasted… several times!”
“Ah, but Catthew might be the one to break the mold.”
“Catthew? That’s Cal’s and my blended name? We sound like a sneeze.”
“Fine, how about Malvin?”
“Now we’re a chipmunk. Can we please just focus on the task at hand?”
“Right. Back to spying. I’m on it.” She peered over the top of her menu and gasped almost immediately. “Sweet Jesus in the library with a candlestick! I see them!”
“Where?”
“Over there. The table with the best view of the marina… naturally.”
She pointed discreetly in their direction, and there they were.
Cal looking professional and handsome.
And Hal with his shirt unbuttoned down his bronzed chest.
“Look at him,” Mrs. Mulroney said, glaring in Hal’s direction. “He looks like a right proper twat. All style and no substance. And why do I have ‘I’m To Sexy For My Shirt’ suddenly ringing through my head?”
“Exactly! Thank you!”
They were sitting outside on the deck, angled just so, their sunglasses gleaming in the sun, drinks in hand.
Cal was laughing.
Laughing.
Not polite work-laughing. Real laughing.Leaning back in his chair and touching Hal’s armlaughing.
“He touched him,” I whispered. “He touched his forearm.”
Mrs. Mulroney leaned in. “The forearm is intimate. That’s one step away from stroking his willy.”
“This is a nightmare.”
“Stay focused, Matthew. I’m reading their lips.”
“You can’t read lips.”
“I absolutely can. I once dated a ventriloquist. He used to sit me on his knee and put his hand up my—”
“Okay, okay, I believe you! So what are they saying?”
She hushed me with a dramatic wave and squinted like a sea captain preparing to fire cannons.
“Cal just said, ‘The porpoise is mine. Tell the emperor I accept his sandwich. I will come dressed as a pigeon.’”
“What?”
“And Hal just said, ‘Then let us roast his dentist.’”
