I feel angry.
I feel pushed under the bus.
I feel pushed out of the closet
because Matt wants to stay inside.
Once I’m out, he’ll lock the door
behind me.
I exhale and say, “Yes, I’m gay.”
This isn’t how I imagined coming out
at school (in the lunch hall on fish and chips Friday),
but I guess this is as good a day as any.
“I knew it!” Kwesi raises a fist.
I flinch automatically,
as if he’s gonna punch me.
Kwesi’s fist hovers in front of me,
and I realize he wants a fist bump.
“Spud me,” he says softly.
Does he feel sorry for me?
As our fists meet,
I see a twinkle in Kwesi’s eye.
I make sense to him now.
He no longer has to search
for the answer
to the question of me.
Nathan offers me a fist bump.
Abdi and Sam pat me on the back.
It all feels so convivial,
like The Boys have planned
their perfect reactions.
But then I realize
Kojo hasn’t looked at me.
