And I didn’t come out before summer
because you begged me not to.
You’re trying to rewrite history now
with this ‘you do you’ nonsense,
but that’s not what you said before summer.”
I feel much better after this controlled explosion.
I won’t stand for Matt’s attempts to gaslight me.
Matt scrunches his right hand
into a fist in front of his face
and bites it in frustration.
“I didn’t beg you not to come out.”
His whisper is quieter than before.
“I said I was worried
it would draw attention to me,
as your best friend,
or should I say, your bestschoolfriend,
if you were to come out.”
“Exactly! It was emotional blackmail.
You kept me in the closet with you.
You know that wasn’t fair of you?”
He’s ashamed of you, says my devil.
He’s ashamed of himself, says my angel.
Matt looks over his shoulder toward
Nathan Anderson and The Boys:
a group of Black boys in our year.
“Just eat your pizza, Kai.
You know how you get when you’re hungry.”
I take a small bite of my BBQ chicken pizza
followed by a much bigger bite.
Matt’s right: I’m hungry.
