Moose turns back to face Megan. “And you aren’t happy right now. You haven’t been truly happy since Smith’s accident. Admit it. I know I make you happy. You laugh and smile when we hang out. I can make you happy. Please let me make you happy.”
Megan sobs and covers her face with both hands. When she’s had a moment, she looks at Smith. Smith looks at the floor. “He’s right. It’s true. I love him. He does make me happy.” There it is. The simple words I hoped for, but never in a million years envisioned her saying out loud in a room full of people. I thought this conversation would play out in private. “I don’t know how this happened,” she says.
Moose goes to wipe away a tear from her face but thinks better of it and fists his palm by his side.
I stand, tears running down my own face. Jasmine follows quickly, her hand still entwined with mine. “Finally. Finally someone gets a happily ever after inside this nightmare,” I say, closing my eyes and letting a sad smile creep onto my face. “I’ve signed all the paperwork. Smith, if you could do the same, this will be finished.”
“Why did you do this, Carina?” he snarls.
It’s my turn to turn my back, and I clear my throat. Jasmine walks to hug Megan and it’s to give me some semblance of peace with my thoughts. You never say the right thing when you need to. It’s the curse of a writer.
“I didn’t do anything. Your absence did this. You have no one to blame but yourself. Sometimes life throws curveballs, and you adjust. I think that hanging onto the past is a good thing until it turns into a detriment in your real life and your future. That’s what happened to me. I became the things that happened to me in my youth.” A tear falls from my chin and lands on the flowered blouse. “The evil translated into personality flaws. Your promises transformed into failed attempts at honor.”
I laugh once. A painful cackle. “And I’m not my past anymore.” Shaking my head, I stand straighter. “Good or bad, the past doesn’t control me.” I turn to Moose. He’s watching me carefully. Like I’m a loaded gun about to fire. “You both deserve each other. Be happy,” I say.
“You only have one life,” I whisper. Mostly for my benefit, but I know Smith heard too. It’s ironic, because he’s had two.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Smith
I’ve fucked up everything.
In a world where general safety isn’t promised and evil villains are your next-door neighbors, that’s a mighty feat to admit. It’s hard to focus on work when my personal life is in such upheaval. It’s hard to focus on work when part of the reason my life is in such upheaval is sitting next to me talking to my ex-fiancée on the phone. The high bay at work in San Diego is full of SEALs. We’ve been here all day, attending meeting after meeting.
Macs, the dude with perfect hair and a penchant for Armani T-shirts, saunters in through a side door. “We need the prettiest motherfuckers over here on this side of the room,” he barks. “I’ll need five. Maybe six if we have that many decent-looking men. It’s for Hero Hair,” he explains, smiling. It’s the mission name, and I immediately know why we need to send good-looking guys.
Laughter breaks out, booming around the room. “Who is deciding who’s the prettiest?” someone yellsout.
It’s a welcome change of subject.
Moose’s voice and his words still carry. Megan moved in with him almost immediately after the book meeting. I’m stuck at a house full of shit I don’t want, lonely beyond belief. It’s ironic now that I’m stationed in San Diego, there’s no reason for me to be.
Zane stands. “I volunteer as tribute,” he shouts, raising one arm in the air, three fingers pointed skyward.
“Sit down, dude,” someone says. The tactics we have to employ are different than they are in usual war. It’s a guessing game, but one that we’re picking up on quickly. The head figures use financiers to back their initiatives. The financiers typically live an upper-class lifestyle. We’ve discovered it means lonely, drunk wives with loose lips. Zane argues his finer attributes but in the end gets shut down by Macs.
While the guys squabble about who has more symmetrical features and better abs, I think about how badly I fucked up with Carina. I don’t have a dog in this fight. My looks are long gone. They send me when they want to scare people with sheer muscle mass and jagged scars—similar to the bad guy in superhero films. I feel like the bad guy.
It’s hard to say who is at fault. Some would argue I am for trying to escape my feelings and for leading Megan on for so long. Others would say it was Carina for meddling in fate. I can’t be mad at her for speaking the truth. I can be irritated she won’t return my calls oremails. Her attorney returned one of my emails because she’d forwarded it to him. I’d asked a simple question about the book, but it was mostly begging for her to meet with me.
Never Foreveris slated for a summer release, and with the current state of affairs, reading is the number one pastime in every age group. Given the subject matter, it’s also highly anticipated. The military and all the facets of SEALs are a mystery. People know the basics, but chances are they don’t know a real SEAL. That’s different from actors portraying them in movies. It’s real. It’s life outside of combat. It’s me. Advertisements are everywhere. Every single one reminding me of the only true love I’ll ever experience. One that I was lucky to have while it lasted because it changed me—it saved me.
She’s so damn beautiful. Her headshot side by side with the cover. She’s smirking—her full, glossy lips tilted to one side. It’s not the shy smile of a girl I met on the floor of a theater. It’s the confident, knowing smile of a woman who has risen to such great heights that nothing in the world can touch her. Her brown hair is waving well past her shoulders, and her almond eyes are taunting me, reminding me what I’ll never have again. At the rate I’m going, I don’t know if I’ll ever see those eyes again in person.
My stomach coils with anger. In a situation I can’t control, my mind dives to dark places. It transports me back to a hospital bed when I was unable to move or talkor do anything for myself. Those were my darkest days, and this feeling right now is comparable to that.
“Moose. It’s you. Get up here, you beautiful bastard,” Macs commands.
Moose stands, laughs, and makes his way to the pretty group. Guys slap his back as he saunters to the other side of the room like he’s won an award. I’m relieved. It means his conversation is finished and I don’t have to hear the warble of her voice on the other end of his phone. Do I feel guilty? Yes. She made sure I wouldn’t for long, though. She dove headfirst in with my best friend. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if they took our wedding date and made it their own. I wouldn’t care.
Moose throws his arms in the air when he reaches his mark. “Thank you. Thank you. I’d like to thank the academy and my mother. Because without her genes, I’d look like a wolverine mated with a grizzly. Sorry, Dad. I love you,” Moose says, throwing one arm out to take an awkward bow. “Most beautiful,” he shouts in an accented tone.
Macs groans. “Okay, okay. Go to the meeting room and make sure your ready bags are packed.”
Everyone sighs. We’re tired. Several troops are overseas, but most of the SEALs are spread across the US. We’ve infiltrated big cities and small cities, going wherever there’s a lead. We have to take big and small tips in the same manner because no one knows what something small may snowball into. “The rest of you,train.”
I pull my cell out and check my messages. Nothing. “You should call her from the office line. She won’t have that number blocked,” Moose says over my shoulder.
