He laughs, the turmoil from the beginning of ourconversation extinct. “I’d like to bring you to meet my parents when I get home. It’s my nephew’s birthday, and they’re having a little party for him. They want to meet you. I want you to meet them.”
There are many things racing through my mind.How can I follow Megan? What must they think about me? Do they think I’m to blame for the demise of the fairy-tale relationship? How will I respond if they do?Most of all, I’m excited to take this step forward with him. As unorthodox as our relationship has been, this is a slice of normalcy I need—what I want. Roarke took away so many of my years. So, so many years of life that I now know could have been better spent without him. “Is that a good idea? I’m ready, of course, but is your family?”
“It’s a ready-or-not type of thing. This is my life now. They accept that.”
Picking at my nails restlessly, I imagine the scenario in my mind. My insecurities are many. Try as I might to overcome what I’ve dealt with, I’ll carry the bothersome traits with me for the rest of my life. They disappear when I’m with Smith. When I’m writing. When I’m able to be myself truly and fully. “When?”
“Next weekend. They’re only about an hour away.”
The pit forms in my stomach. We talk for a few more minutes about his family, and I answer questions about the house and which tubs Moose dropped off. I tell him it basically gives me free rein to go through them. He laughs but agrees. I decide right then that I won’t look.When Jasmine pops her head out of the door in the hallway wearing an irritated grimace, we say our goodbyes. I stand, stretching my legs out in the first place where we will make love, and my head spins.
Deployment. Love. Endings.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Smith
I’m hungover.Hair of the dog isn’t touching this mean headache. I shouldn’t have had the fifth whiskey. We landed an hour ago, and Moose is hitting every pothole in the road as he drives me home. Home. To the place where I will live with Carina. She moved in while I was gone, so we haven’t even spent a night together in our new house. We knew right away this was the place for us. The realtor opened the door, and it was right—every little flaw and corner seemed to fit us.
I belch and swallow down the bitter taste. “Who taught you to drive? Your little sister?” I grumble, holding my stomach in both hands like a pregnant woman.
Moose laughs, swerves unnecessarily around a wide corner, and replies, “Your mother.”
“Ha. Ha. Are you going to tell me, in more detail, about your friendship with Megan?” I ask, glancing sideways at my friend. “You understand why I’m irritated,” I finish.
Moose is a good man. Some of my SEAL brothers don’t have the same strong morals as my friend here, so it bears asking the hard questions.
“If you want her, just say it.”
He shakes his head, eyebrows furrowed. “I would never go there, as tempting as it may be. I’m being a friend to her. Remember, as long as you and I have been friends, Megan and I have been friends, too. You guys breaking up doesn’t mean that I have to break up our friendship as well. Correct me if I’m wrong. Do I?” Moose asks.
My stomach rumbles, and my head pounds out a staccato in rhythm with my heartbeat. “Now isn’t the best time for this conversation. If you’re friends with her, then I believe you’re friends with her and nothing more. I’m trying to keep Megan and Carina separated, but I’m finding it difficult.”
Moose groans. “Megan is a wonderful woman. I thought you were the luckiest bastard alive. Carina is amazing. For you, lightning struck twice. Twice,” he says, drawing out the last word. “If you want my sage advice, then move on and don’t look back. Don’t give Megan or her concerns a second thought. Move on with Carina. You’ve already made the choice.”
I want to correct him and say that Megan made the choice for me, but I don’t think it prudent in this moment, as he’s obviously going to be in contact with her. The part of me that knows Megan wants to keep herself fromharm or pain at all costs. It’s an odd sensation because the other half of me only cares for Carina and how my feelings affect her.
We pull down my new street, and my heartbeat pounds out a warning. She’s near, and she’s finally mine without any barriers.
I just spent a week jumping out of airplanes. The land below me looked like a map with tiny dots—the blue sky expansive—swallowing a person whole. The falling sensation is that of ambivalence compared to what I feel right now. The anticipation of seeing Carina, of letting myself fall without reservation. Kissing her, touching the spot on the side of her stomach I’ve only seen when she leans over to retrieve something off the floor. Most of all, finally taking her lips—her body—and marking them as my own.
Moose pulls into the circular driveway. We end our conversation the way most men end conversations, with grunts of understanding and plans to meet at the gym. We’ve come to a silent agreement about Megan.
The house is shades of light brown and terracotta. Cacti and rocks litter the landscape. The ease of care was immediately a draw for both of us. Grass is an inconvenience that I don’t want her to deal with while I’m away. In Southern California, grass isn’t mandatory anyway. The large bay window in the front of the house is bare of curtains—I can see directly into our living room. There’s a moment before she realizes I’m here that I appraise her. Carina’s hair is in a ponytail, and she’swearing her black, thick-rimmed glasses. She was up writing all night. I want to be the reason she’s up all night. She sees me approaching, smiles, and runs to open the door before I can reach the threshold.
Her brown eyes are pools of emotion, and her soft skin—this uncharted, perfect territory—glistens. I’m more familiar with the clouds wrapping my skin than I am of the expanse of Carina Painter’s body. Her mind has been mine for quite some time. A fact that both makes me happy and hesitant at the same time. I know exactly what she’s been through in her past and with her relationship with Roarke, and I’m hoping to erase every scar it produced.
Moose shouts a quick hello and farewell to Carina and rumbles away. During all of this, she hasn’t taken her eyes off me.
“Welcome home, Smith,” she says, smiling with her eyes.
My large duffel bag hits the ground the second her voice grazes my ears. I take her in my arms, pull her tight against my body, and tuck my head into the side of her neck. A few deep breaths later, I’m more delirious with lust than I was envisioning her naked. “I missed you,” I whisper into her ear. The urge to lick her neck and kiss her war with my moral sensibility to wait for the perfect moment.
She pulls back, sliding her hands on either side of my face to look at me head-on. “It couldn’t possibly be more than I missed you.” She leans forward, a very subtlegesture, but I’m tuned into her at the micro level, so I notice. Her lips twitch. “I put together furniture. Remember? Of course I missed you more.”
I smile, full and wide. “So you just missed my alpha male muscles and testosterone?” I sling my duffel back on my shoulder. Carina pulls me through the door and closes it behind me. The house smells like her—the light scent of perfume and freshly-washed clothing. I drop my bag and kick it to the side.
“I missed a lot more than that,” she says. “I was teasing. I’m more than capable of doing testosterone-fueled jobs, but I missed your testosterone more than I probably should have. Just in a different way than you’re implying.”
