It took some mild convincing, but my mom agreed to let us sleep in the same room, my childhood bedroom. “Both?” I say, nibbling on my bottom lip. “But first, how about one you can open in front of my family?” I crouch next to the tree and find the box I wrapped in gold paper.
He dips down next to me and pulls out a small box he’d hidden in the branches. “We can both be sneaky,” he says. “I’ll wait to give you the, ah, bigger present, until we’re alone tonight. Go on. Open yours first.”
I blush. Mom is watching our interactions like a hawk, but I don’t think she’s close enough to hear what we’re saying. The woman is an ace at reading body language. Dad says it’s from years of dissecting him for sport, but Grandma calls it her gift. I take the box from Luca and turn my dazzling smile to my mom. Her eyes twinkle. More family members trickle into the living room and my cousin gives the kids presents and announces that it’s almost bedtime because Santa can’t come unless everyone is asleep. Sitting down in the chair Luca was just in, I cross my legs under me and untie the bow. Luca leans a hand on the back of the chair, and his nearness does what it usually does. Causes a riot of emotions, longing, happiness, and a sense of belonging. I pull out the stunning necklace and dangle it from my pointer finger to get a better look.
“The Tahitian pearl is from Bora Bora,” Luca explains, leaning down to speak near my ear. “The emeralds on each side of the pearl are something I picked up while traveling. I thought of you and thought they’d look beautiful against your skin.”
The shock sets in as his extremely sentimental gift shines in the light of the glistening tree. “You had this made for me?” I swallow down a lump in my throat. “I love it so much. More than love. If that’s even a possibility.” Luca takes it and fastens it around my neck. My cousin Jana, who is jealous of anyone who has something she doesn’t is the first to admire the bauble.
“He really did a good job,” she says, meeting my eyes, and then Luca’s. “So extravagant and expensive.” Ugh. There it is. “You must really like my cousin.” If only she knew how little money actually means to him and his family, she’d be embarrassed by her word choice. As it stands, I’ve convinced everyone that Luca Bianchi is a businessman who travels to exotic destinations to oversee the running of his entertainment business. My dad asked some broad questions, and while Luca didn’t lie, pertinent information was left out for obvious reasons. I’m happy that no one recognized him from the internet. Or if they have, they haven’t mentioned it nor think I’d be with someone like that. Eventually, I’ll tell them, Christmas Eve is not that day.
“She’s worth it,” Luca replies to my cousin. Mom is next to creep next to me and examine it. Of course, she loves it and seems tickled that his gift to me is so thoughtful.
The attention being directed at me makes me uncomfortable. I’m not sure what to say. I hear the Jenga tower fall in the family room and my dad and aunt roar with laughter. “Open a gift, Mom.” It’s an order she hesitatingly obeys. The song changes on the portable speaker to “Baby its Cold Outside,” and I’m humming along as my mom shrugs on her new robe. Someone rings the doorbell.
I kiss Luca on the cheek when I stand. “I’ll get it. I bet it’s Mrs. Harvey bringing over a cement fruit cake.” Like she does every single year. And even though it tastes like cement, we eat it all and look forward to it every year. Has to be Christmas magic. The nostalgia is more powerful than our taste buds. I adjust my Santa hat as I make my way to the front door. Usually Mrs. Harvey comes to the side kitchen door, I think. The weight of the necklace reminds me it’s there and my stomach is bubbling with happiness.
It’s Kieran, standing in the snow. She’s crying. Actually, hysterically upset is a better description. Black is streaking down her face, and honestly, she’s near unrecognizable. “Lizzy,” she says, hiccupping. “I need to talk to Luca. I’m so sorry for barging in on your Christmas.” The warm elation I just felt fades into doom and gloom.
Luca hears her voice and he appears next to me. “What happened? Is everything okay?”
“It’s… my dad is in the hospital in Vermont.” She sniffles. “He’s not going to make it. Heart attack,” she whispers. My heart pounds. “And I’m by myself, and I just want to be near someone who knows him. I won’t be able to make it in time to see him… before…” Kieran’s words trail and she wails out in pain. Luca takes her in his arms.
I close my eyes when he presses a kiss against her head, and my stomach sours. “Why don’t we come inside?” I offer meekly. Turning, I see the entire family staring at us like we’re their favorite soap opera. Luca and Kieran are speaking softly to one another, and I don’t even want to hear what’s being said. Their intimate body language speaks leaps and bounds
Luca turns to me, taking my face in one hand. “I’m going back with Kieran tonight. She shouldn’t be alone.” Santino should sit with her, I think.
Then the dignified part of my brain rises. “Of course.” I choke on my own spit. “I’m so sorry, Kieran.”
The worst part is I know that Luca will comfort her as a friend. That neither of them have romantic feelings for each other. It’s just from years of working together and a strong bond of understanding that forces them to use each other as a crutch. It doesn’t negate the sting in my heart. Kieran runs back to the car after apologizing profusely to me and my family. Luca grabbed his bag from our room and I realize my mom has him cornered in the hallway upstairs.
I can hear my pulse in my ears as the most magical night gets turned backward. My mom says something to Luca I’ve never heard her say out loud before. “You can’t leave her like this regardless of what’s going on with the other woman.” Luca stays silent. “Her fiancé left her at the altar, Luca. She’s been abandoned in the most extreme way any woman can be left. If you leave now, you’ll never get her back. The trust will be broken forever. Christmas is the most important thing to her. Tomorrow is the day. The anniversary of when he left her. What used to be the day she treasured most in the year, became a memory of a life she’ll never have. It broke her.” Mom is having trouble speaking. Her words crack. “The way you look at her. I know you love her, but if you’re going to leave right now, you need to know what’s on the line.”
I slide down the wall and clutch my chest as the buried secret steals my breath. Putting my head between my knees, I try to catch enough oxygen to stave off the panic attack rising. I hate that she’s telling him my biggest failure. Hate what it makes me feel to hear it. He knows the worst thing now, I think. Despite the pain, I think my mom is right. At the root, my greatest fear is being left. The church was full, and the double doors opened and my groom was nowhere to be found. He’s still gone. Without a trace, or a word. It’s like he disappeared completely and the closure never came.
“Goddammit!” I hear Luca hiss. “I have to go, Mrs. Maeson. Please understand Kieran is my family. I’m her family. I’m all she has right now and she can’t be alone tonight.”
“You don’t owe me any explanations, son,” Mom says. “Know what you’re leaving behind is all. Know that history is repeating itself.”
At the juxtaposition of my history and the present, I hurry down the hall and lock myself into a spare room where the tiniest babies in the family are already tucked in for the night. Their sweet hands folded under sticky faces, dreaming of Christmas morning. The simplistic nature of being small and guarded fully. Running my fingers through the baby’s hair, I watch through the upstairs window as Luca gets into the dark sedan and drives away. My phone rings and I send it straight to voicemail. I slide the button to silence it, and send the next forty-three calls to voicemail, too.
He texts in between. Apologizing and telling me that he’s going to come back as soon as he can. A stronger woman would see this for what it is. A man comforting a friend in their time of need. I merely see a man who didn’t love me enough to stay. The texts keep coming, and I text back two words before burying my face in my pillow. “It’s fine.” Surface level, it is fine. Deep level? I’m all kinds of messed up. I lock the door to my bedroom and pull open the closet. It’s still there. The wedding dress from the wedding that never happened. I gave that man a decade of my life, and he didn’t give me the courtesy of a goodbye. It’s why I never balked at falling for Luca so quickly. I did it the other way around the first time, and it didn’t work out at all. The opposite had to hold true, right? The jury is still out. I strip down to my underwear and snuggle into the bed. I clutch the precious stones around my neck.
“I love you, Elizabeth. Only you. Please wait for me.” Is the final text he sends for the night, and I think that maybe, just maybe, our love is bigger than the lie and my secret.
Chapter Twelve
The con
IT’S STILL DARKwhen Gabby shakes me awake. Her hands are like ice cubes against my bare arms. “Lizzy, wake up, it’s Christmas, it’s Christmas! We have to go!” Through my blurry morning vision, I see her security guards standing in my doorway and my stomach sinks.
“Oh, God, Gabby, not again!” I nearly shriek. “Exactly, it’s Christmas. Not a day to kidnap for fun.”
She giggles and bonks my nose with her pointer pinky finger. “He’d kill me if I did that again. This is just me asking you to come with me because I have a surprise for you and well, the plan has been approved by everyone including your family. Your dad has a killer smile, by the way.”
“Gabby,” I say, sitting up. The blanket comes off me and exposes my boobs. I pick it up and wedge it under my arms. “I want to spend today with my family. This isn’t a day for royal antics.”
She crosses her arms and uncrosses them in a big gesture. “No antics.” Gabby shakes her head. “Just Christmas love. Promise.”
