Luke
I’m lying down in the glass hallway staring at the stars. They’re brighter than they usually are. This is where I feel okay. In the silence, locked away from people. My phone rings through the Bluetooth in my kitchen, but I have my cell in my pocket. ‘Aara’ flashes across the screen. The name alone sending a flock of birds to my stomach. It’s been months since we’ve spoken. I tried to reach out in the beginning when we redeployed, but respecting her wishes seemed more important than my selfish inclinations. It feels like it’s been years since I’ve spoken to her. I’m able to keep track of how she is healing through Dagger and Marissa. Today was her first day back at work, and it was hard seeing her on base. When you want someone in your arms, seeing them from a distance is torture. I sit up and tap the answer button.
“Aara,” I say her name and the feel of it on my lips makes the loneliness more desperate. “Are you okay?”
She inhales and exhales. “Why do you think I’m not okay?” Her voice is small.
“Because I’m not,” I admit.
“Oh, Luke. I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I should have months ago. You proposed to me and said beautiful, kind, truthful things, and I never gave you an answer. Not a real one, standing face to face. I was so scared.”
“I owe you an apology,” I counter. “It was the wrong time. I think about it constantly. How it seemed like I was only asking you to marry me because it was a loophole. That was never how I wanted it to go. I bought that ring at the same time you moved in with me. Before I knew marriage was the save—the Hail Mary. Before Chantal and the baby. It was rushed, and I’m sorry for putting you on the spot in front of everyone. I fucked it up.”
“I’m sitting outside your house right now.”
My heart speeds. I never thought I’d see this day. There were never any scenarios that ended with her back in my arms. I couldn’t fathom them. It was ruined. Our foundation seemed to crumble from beneath us. “I want to be close to you, but I don’t trust myself to come in tonight.”
I stand and walk to the panel on the wall to look at the security cameras. Her car is idling parked along the road in front of my gate. I know that Aara came over when I was in a meeting with the Balls. Jonas told me she sped away without bringing me whatever it was she had. She changed her mind, and I respected that.
“Just let me see you, Aara. Please come in. I’ll stay away from you.” My voice cracks on the last word. “Please.”
I stare at the screen, staring at her car.
“I need you to know, I know. About Chase and Chantal and their baby girl. About how they played God in our relationship, but mostly in your life. I can’t pretend to understand the malicious world they live in, but I know that you did everything in your power to make things right. You’re a good man, Luke Hart.” There’s an audible swallow. “I know you had to…with Aurora to fix things with the condo.”
I go to cut her off, to tell her the truth, but she asks that I let her finish.
“I’m sorry if anything I did made you feel less than, or not worthy of my love. Mostly I’m sorry because I never stopped loving you and I didn’t tell you that. The most important thing. I kept it to myself. What is love if it’s not shared? It’s less than nothing. I’m so sorry for hurting you. For loving you silently.”
She’s crying, and I’m overwhelmed. Hearing all the things I dreamed of. She knew exactly what my soul needed to hear.
“Will you go out on a date with me tomorrow night?” she asks.
My chest tightens. “Yes. Does that mean I can’t see you tonight?”
“We never have had a proper date. We need the simplicity of a date. Don’t you think?”
“You used the word need, and I’ll never not give you something you need, Aara. I want to see you now, in person, in front of me, but you’re right. No more hiding.”
She pulls away from the curb and makes a U-turn in front of the guard shack to head in the direction of the main road. I’m at the very end of a dead-end road without an exit.
“I’m sorry. Again.”
“I didn’t do anything with or to Aurora Ball. You need to know that. I had a meeting with her dad and she wanted to be present. I haven’t spoken to Chase since I got the paternity results back.” I swallow and listen to her exhale relief. “Chase and Durnin have been interconnected for a long time. I wanted to tell you, but by the time I discovered it, you wanted space.”
“I saw you with her. She was getting out of your car and I thought. Well, I thought you were falling victim to the same predator as Henry, and God knows how many other people. It wasn’t the greatest moment. Seeing you and her together. Sorry, I should have known better. Even if it didn’t make sense, there’s always this voice in my head that makes me feel worthless. That the Aurora Balls of the world will always take my things because I don’t deserve them. Because I’m not woman enough. Or know how to be something worth keeping.” She’s full-on crying, her muffled words and sniffles echoing in her car.
“You’re enough. For me, you’re the only thing worth keeping. I love you so much.”
She sniffs once loudly, sucking snot back up. “I love you so much. I’ll fight for you forever, Hart. I’ll see you tomorrow after work. I’ll come over at six.”
* * *
The workday passed slowly. I sat in meetings for most of the morning and then had practice at the range for the rest of the afternoon. I didn’t see Aarabelle today. Dagger said he saw her in the gym early this morning with a Team physical therapist. My cardio was running seven miles on the treadmill in my home gym before the sun even rose. I kept the television off because my brain was spinning a million different ways. She asked me out on a date, and the rules of the Teams still stand, so my logical conclusion is that she’s going to agree to marry me.
