As if to taunt me from the depths of heartbreak, Henry Durnin’s voice cuts my sobbing. His newest single that’s completely overplayed, but also insanely catchy, echoes the cab of my car. He’s talking about losing the only woman he’s ever loved. When I hear him sing, I can see his jaw, I can envision his eyes meeting mine. I relive the moment he picked me over and over. Because I expected the worst from Henry, I think I fault him for Aurora less. Luke? I didn’t see that coming. Never in a million years would I believe he’d be with a woman like her.
I remind myself it’s not about me anymore. Aurora might be how he’s moving on. Marissa’s suggestion of dating looks better and better. Just to forget for at least a little while that my entire heart is trapped within walls I can no longer enter. I blow out a breath and hum along to this dumb ass song sung by a dumb ass man. I pull into a beautiful condo complex not far from the one I lived at before. I put the car in park, leaving my hand on the shifter.
I do the unthinkable. Not because of Aurora Ball, either. I call Henry Durnin because I can’t be broken by the same person twice. Not in the same way.
“Henry, it’s me.” I mumble the words when he picks up in his cheery English accent.
There’s a long pause. “Aara, love. Is that you? I got a new phone.”
“I know. Mom gave me your number the other day. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not. How are you feeling? Is the foot all better? Are you in town?” I already know he’s in town. When Mom visits, she’ll tell me stupid things I typically wouldn’t remember. Funny what being trapped in the house recuperating does to you. His biggest California concert is tomorrow in the largest arena in San Diego.
“It’s better. Back to work soon. Thanks for asking. I wanted to talk to you if you were open to it.” I suck up my pride. “I know you’re playing tomorrow night.”
He groans. “Oh, I’m sorry, love. I do play tomorrow night. I’m in rehearsal now until the show tomorrow. I’ll be so knackered, I’ll take a quick nap in between.” He pauses as redness floods my face. How could I be so stupid? “Come. Why don’t you come to the show? I can get you tickets or you can stand off to the side of the stage, I’ll leave a badge for you at the box office. Wait for me in my dressing room after the show. It may take a while for me to get there, but I’d be chuffed if I saw you there at the end of the night.” I stay silent, and he adds, “No one will know except my guys. I won’t tell a soul. I promise, love.”
The last love did it. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Hey, that’s awesome. ‘Night, Aarabelle.”
I hang up the phone. Instead of making me feel like I’m making progress, I feel like I just took seven steps backward into the pits of self-conscious, basic bitch territory.
* * *
I twist the lanyard wrapped around my neck as I watch Henry finish his set from stage right. The security guard gave me a metal folding chair, but I chose to stand because I can. My stomach is in knots. Not because I’m nervous about what’s going to happen backstage. I’ve had sex with Henry. I know what it will feel like. The things he’ll say and his favorite places to touch. I’m scared that I won’t be able to stop pretending he’s Luke. There’s only one person I want even though I shouldn’t.
Henry sings, both hands owning the microphone. Sweat is dripping down his face, and the man possesses the fucking audience. That’s something, I think. Not something I particularly care about, mind you, but it’s something. I came here straight after work. I saw Luke from afar on base. He was getting a coffee, and I was leaving my morning meeting with Lt. Williams. He didn’t see me. Luckily our uniforms help me blend in. Tears pricked my eyes as my mind played back Aurora on his arm. The same woman who infiltrated my former life, gets to own the life I almost had. It’s not fair. Not when my heart literally bleeds for the man. She’ll make a better stepmom than I will, I muse. She’ll be able to stay home when Luke is deployed.
Henry looks stage right and his gaze sears into mine. He smiles. No dimples. He swings his guitar to the front of his body and the thousands of fans screaming his lyrics sing louder as he plays the song. I don’t hear the words anymore. I only study him to figure out how he caught me. Why I fell for the trap and gave him any of my heart at all. Swallowing hard, I offer a smile and he finishes the show. His security told me he has VIP meet and greet for thirty minutes, but after that he will return to his dressing room. I pad to the back, and while the whole thing is impressive. He is headlining his own world tour. He has fans, there is VIP, and people guarding his life, I know he’s not mine. That’s why I came here. Because I knew I’d leave the same woman who entered. He can’t change me. Not like my true love has. My stomach roils as I push into his dressing room.
“What are you doing here?” a male voice growls into the dimly lit room filled with smoke. It’s a mix of weed and cigarette smoke. It’s Chase.
“I could ask you the same.”
He laughs. “This is my lane, military girl. What are you doing here? Does Durnin know you’re here?”
“He invited me,” I bite back. A beautiful woman exits the bathroom in the corner of the room, she has a baby swaddled in her arms. Somehow, and I don’t know the reason behind it, I know who this woman is.
She sees me. “Oh. What are you doing here?”
She soothes the fussy baby with a green pacifier in one finger. “Henry invited me. Told me to wait for him back here after the show.” I finger the lanyard holding the laminated card with my name. To prove I have permission to be in this shady ass space I’d never want to be in any other circumstance. “We were going to talk while he was in town.”
“Does your boy know you’re here to talk to him?” Chase barks out, that twisted side grin, wide.
“I don’t have a boy. Or a man,” I say, fisting my hands by my sides. “What gave you that idea? Not talking toyourboy very often, I take it?” I hope Luke cut him loose. I’ve never liked Chase, but seeing him here just confirms all my fears.
“Chantal, go grab me a drink,” he says, holding his hands up. “I’ll hold her.”
I swallow hard. “Chantal?” I eye the baby being passed. It’s swaddled tight, but I see little pink lips and a button nose. She’s adorable, but I can’t tell if she looks like Hart. Chase waves the smoke away before taking her into his arms, cradling her gently. He’s practiced. “Is that your baby then?” My voice shakes.
Chantal levels me with a gaze. “The baby always belonged to Chase,” she says. “Just wanted to get a little revenge is all. It worked, didn’t it? Luke is such an asshole. He deserved to be taught a lesson. Humans aren’t toys.”
My stomach sinks as I press my lips together. She’s obviously given birth recently. If she hadn’t, I’d probably take her out Street Fighter style on this dressing room floor. “You destroyed his life to teach him a lesson?”
She laughs. “Oh, honey. Destroyed his life? You sure are giving me a lot of credit, aren’t you? Do you know how many girls he fucked around with before you?”
“It was different with me,” I say, voice confident even if I’m bullshitting. “You were mad he didn’t feel the same way about you as you did about him so you told him it was his baby.” I pause, trying to compose my thoughts. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter. He’s with Aurora Ball now.”
