It’s now that I know that I never needed to do anything for Aarabelle Dempsey. The job my dad gave me was more for me than it was for her. Aara is who I knew she could be—who she’s always been. A hero. A badass Navy SEAL. An elite equal in all ways. The woman who fought her way to the top with sheer will and determination. She’s arrived. I didn’t anticipate falling in love with her. No, that was never in the plan. But if I have to decide between giving her a pinnacle dream, letting her live it, and walking away from my heart. I’ll walk away. I slink down the stairs to the deck of the boat that’s full of commotion. I see Marissa hugging Aarabelle from a distance. I glimpse her white smile through the thick blood covering her mouth and nose. I know what she’s feeling. The absolute horror of taking a life, balancing against the pride in saving those she loves. The greater good.
She’s the only thing I truly know in this world. I want to be close to her.
Yet, I have to let her go. This isn’t my victory. This is my loss. One I’ll be counting for the rest of my life.
She meets my eyes and her smile falls, the pain searing through the atmosphere. She knows what I’m thinking. She has to know. Aara takes off the black ring from her finger and slides it into her pocket, making sure I see the gesture and understand her answer is no. I was foolish to think it would ever be yes. Queens don’t marry for the frivolity of love. They rule by themselves. Then when an alliance is needed, they strike a deal. Her career was never going to be something she sacrificed, and I was selfish to ask it of her.
I’m no king. I nod my understanding and turn to walk to the office. There is a debrief. People will get fired. Or the assumption of losing their job because they fucked up so badly. It wasn’t something anyone expected, yet the result is the same. We have pirates in our custody who will give up the location of several hostages being held for ransom. One is a lead man who has high ties to the crime ring we’re trying to take out. He’ll give us even more information. He probably would have ended up dead if our initial plan unfolded tomorrow. Everything is relayed to our command back in San Diego via a video conference. Aara cleaned the blood off her face and hands for the meeting, but her uniform was still splattered with it and she looks weary.
Listening to her give the facts, I’m so fucking proud. My chest swells and my eyes water when they give her accolades for her bravery. There’s a distinction to her voice. Having done something that’s never been done quite like this before, there’s a new power in this room. In this world. And it was birthed from a place of fierce tenacity. From being told no. From being beaten down nine times, but getting up ten. A small smile plays on her mouth when no one is looking. I wonder if she’s thinking of me at all, and the crushing feeling of not being good enough tingles up my spine.
Dagger claps me on my shoulder when I exit the stifling room and take in a breath of fresh air. “You can’t play God when she’s not searching for religion.” He clears his throat. “I’ll walk back with you. I’m finished with watch.”
When we’re down below and his nausea hits him. “You hit like a fucking girl.”
“Says the man with a fat lip.”
I sigh. “I have something to tell you and I don’t want you to think I’m telling you because you hit me like a girl.” I open the door to our room and humidity hits. I turn on the fan. “It’s about Marissa.”
He smirks as he scrapes the floor with a folding chair to drag it in front of the fan.
“She’s fucking other dudes.”
He shakes his head. “It’s like you forget completely who you used to be. Who I am. Who many people are.” He wipes sweat from his forehead. “We aren’t exclusive, though I’d consider it. She does this thing with her pinky finger.”
I hold up a hand. “Stop there. Don’t need the details. It’s not that I don’t remember it. It’s that I don’t want it.” I hang my head. “I’ll never be able to go back to that now that I know what real feels like. Wish I could go back to it. Shit was simple.”
“I’m starving. I’m going to find Marissa,” Dagger says, grinning. “Get some ice on that lip.”
He leaves, the door clanging behind him. Even though nothing is simple anymore, I don’t prefer the ignorance of never knowing what true love feels like. I leave the room, too, heading to find some ice for my face. Instead, I end up back in the computer room. There’s one new message. From Jonas. The subject line reads: Results
