“When I kissed him for the first time it was just meh. But” —she holds up one finger— “the glamour I felt surrounding his personality made up for the meh kiss and I fell anyway. Do you know what I’m talking about? That weird feeling of loving someone, but only parts and pieces and not the whole form.”
Dropping down on the bed, I lay next to her and turn my head to the side. She doesn’t meet my eyes. Her profile makes me weak all over, a dying man. I didn’t know it was possible to be so attracted to a woman in raw form. What she’s saying right now is the opposite of what I feel about her, and I haven’t explored her fully yet. I gulp in a breath. “Women don’t get that close to me, or rather, I don’t let them. I’ve never been in love with any one part or piece.”
Aara’s head turns quickly. “Honestly. Not even one woman forced you to pause.”
“Honestly?” I ask, furrowing my brow. When she nods, I admit, “Sure I’ve loved the swell of a breast, or a woman’s dimples right above her ass before her spine begins. If you’re talking about parts and pieces, then yes, there’s been things I love.” Chantal’s body comes to mind and then quickly vanishes when I think of Dempsey in a bikini. Fuck. I close my eyes. “I’m a broody son of a bitch. I don’t open up or get close to women because of…expectations.”
“What kind of expectations?”
“Are we really doing this while you’re shit faced?” My stomach flips.
She props her head up on an elbow. “We’re not allowed to have sex. What else can we do other than talk?”
“Maybe finish establishing ground rules?” My cock twitches.
She rolls her eyes. “Not until I figure out if you’re worth ruining my life for.”
Chuckling, I say, “That’s offensive…and honest. I like it.”
“My life is abnormal. You grew up with it. You’ve lived it. Getting into a relationship with a woman, a serious one, never felt fair because it’s not normal. Dating is great and all but I’m at the age where women want more. They want commitment. Which would be fine if I had a nine to five, but I’m gone half of the time and what if things don’t work out? Then we’re wasting time. The inevitable is they won’t be able to accept the lifestyle nor will they be able to handle the distance.”
“That’s it then. That’s the draw,” Dempsey says. “I’m in your lifestyle so I’m less of a risk.”
I think about that for a second—a long pause. “No. You’re more of a risk because you will quite literally be surrounded near constantly with men just like me. I’m not the only SEAL attracted to you, Aara.”
She blushes. “You don’t know that.”
“Are you really embarrassed by me telling you how hot you are? I find it crazy you don’t know it. Listen,” I say, dragging two fingers down her forearm. Goosebumps trail in the wake. “You are insanely desirable. A pint-sized vessel of perfection. I do know it to be fact that most men find you sexy. My attraction to you has less to do with what you do for work as who you are as a person. Henry fucked up, Aara.”
She sighs, watching my hand. I pull it away before I get carried away. “You’re fine with me wanting more then? Is that what I’m supposed to assume by what you just told me? Also, you really need to stop smiling. Your dimples distract me.”
I smile wider and she closes her eyes. I’d give my life to kiss her full lips right now. My mouth goes dry. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’ll fuck up with the whole thing more. I’m sure of it. As long as you’re willing to be patient as we navigate whatever this is going to be.”
“This isn’t going to be easy. Deployments. What about those? We’re deploying together soon. On a boat, Luke.”
My heart leaps when she says my name.
“We’ll get to see each other. It could be worse.”
She reaches out and lays a hand on the side of my face. I haven’t shaved for a couple days so it’s scruffy. Her hand feels like silk in comparison. Her eyes sear into mine. “My dad is going to fucking kill me if he finds this out.”
“What is there to find out? We’re just two friends hanging out.” I lick my lips and her gaze trails the movement. I should blame my own father for this, but I’m a grown adult.
Her phone buzzes next to her and she picks it up. “It’s my mom. Let me grab this just in case it’s important.”
I nod, content to listen to her talk. “Hey Mom. What’s going on?”
Several seconds go by as Aara listens to whatever her mom is saying. Her face drops. “You couldn’t say no?” she replies to her mom, underlying alarm seeping out.
I can’t hear exactly what her mom is saying, but I can tell the tone is rushed and irritated. “This is a nightmare!” Dempsey shrieks, sitting up, forgetting about me completely. “What are the odds? Seriously? You can’t tell him anything about me. Nothing. Do you hear me? You have to find a way to get out of this.”
Aara listens again, and the voice on the other end of the phone is soothing and apologetic. There is so much you can understand by the way a person speaks. I’ve taken many classes on it. To interrogate proficiently, and also to be able to get what we want and make others think it was their idea.
“I understand,” she replies, moving her mouth away from the speaker. “Yeah. Love you, too.” Another long pause. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” She clears her throat. “Bye.”
She sets the phone down on the bed and stares ahead at the television that is powered off. “CJJ took on PR for Henry Durnin during the U.S. part of his world tour. My mom is representing him.” Folding her hands in her lap she says, “I can’t even be mad because it’s a huge deal for CJJ and her.”
I take her hand, but she remains steadfast in her blank stare. “There’s bad luck, and then there’s oh, fuck. This falls into the latter. You won’t see him though. Artists on world tours aren’t worried about their ex-girlfriends. I’m sure they worry about very little.” Tits, tour, and T.H.C. I know the drill from being around Chase all my life. When she doesn’t reply, I go on. “I can have him killed?”
