CHAPTER SIXTEEN
KENDALL
I’M LIVING IN Aporno. One I wrote and directed. Leo is so hot. I know the saying that everyone looks good naked, but this man. This man. Every muscle is sculpted. Even the smaller ones I didn’t know existed until I saw him naked. Maybe it’s because he just gave me an orgasm, but I’m done for. Addicted to the way he makes me feel. I’m floating—crowned queen of some fictional land where only happily ever afters exist.
The buildup was something I wasn’t sure would ever end. Like maybe we would forever live in the confines of alluring lust that would never see the physicality of what we felt for each other. The small facets of our relationship are messy, but the whole of it is something that feels so right that I can ignore everything else. Not in a naïve kind of way, either. I trust him. With my life. With my heart. With my mind. Leo Callaway will never hurt me and he will always save me. Which is a good thing, because I only want to save him. From the darkness and silence that chain him.
I spit on the tip of his dick and take him deep into my throat. A finger on his right hand has been tapping my ribcage, almost as if he’s trying to hold back and distract himself—a mindless rhythm. Simply put, I devour the man who just ate me alive. A man whom I’ve been pining after in a timeless fashion. Leo moans as I work my hand and increase the pace. His finger continues tapping, but the other hand is stroking my hair, my neck, the edge of my ear. Licking my way to the top of his shaft, I taste him, the very essence of Leo Callaway. The man. The myth. The cocky asshole who has spent the last six months making me wait for this. His reasons may have been valid, though I knew this day would come. I wasn’t sure how, or what the lasting effects would be after it happened, but I was going to take it even if he didn’t think it was a good idea.
The best ideas can stem from mistakes. The ones that happen when you’re desperately trying not to do anything wrong and failing miserably at every turn. I can’t find it in me to care about Avery. Or anything else that others might turn and run from when it comes to men. The attraction and desire is a staunch soldier waving a white flag begging to be relieved. Mostly, above anything else, I know Leo and I can overcome anything. Together. I know this because I was married to a man who didn’t invoke these feelings. Didn’t capture my soul and force forever down my throat. You can view a man’s love through his fight. On the outside, Adam did all of the things he was supposed to do, I think. But we both knew this is how it would end. Neither of us can retrieve the lost time we wallowed around in. I will take every moment from here on out, like I’m owed more than what everyone else is given. I’ll live without limits. Without glancing over my shoulder to look at what I’ve left behind. The destruction isn’t mine to worry about. It’s mine to move on from.
Leo lays both of his hands on my shoulder blades. Over the noises of my lips sliding around his cock, I hear him release a feral growl from deep in his chest. “If you want to fuck, you need to stop what you’re doing right now.” His tone is fierce. An order. Everything below my waist tingles with need. “I’m going to come.”
I lean up and meet his gorgeous gaze so filled with need. And love. I can’t stand it. He brings his hand up to my face and wipes spit off my bottom lip with his thumb. His grin is electric as he brings his thumb to his mouth and sucks. Pressing my lips together, I let the silent moment linger. We’re just breaths and lust. Two people without a world to live in because we’re infatuated with the orb of space we’re currently existing inside of.
I say the three little words slowly so I’m certain he’s read my lips. Biting his bottom lip, he stifles a smile. I let my hand trail over his chiseled chest and down to his dick. It’s hard. “Are you saying that because you want my cock?” Leo says, tilting his head to the side—coy. So goddamn beautiful it makes my heart throb.
“If I was?” I sign, releasing him. Leo winces.
“I hate that you have to let go to talk to me.”
Again, I stroke him slowly, and he reaches between my thighs and rubs me at the same pace. Leo’s head falls back. “Let’s just talk like this instead.”
I smile in agreeance and let my eyes close to sensations floating inside my body. When I’m on the brink of another orgasm, I grab his wrist to stop him and pull my hand away. “Now,” I say, when I have his attention. He twists around to fish a condom out of his nightstand, and I’m graced with the stunning view of his backside—the tight flesh-covered muscle reminds me of a statue, a perfect specimen. His body might have unnerved me in the past, after spending years pining for the man. It feels like we’re finally on a level playing field. We had to go through all kinds of shit to come together. He hops back on the bed while tearing the foil open with his teeth. I see the grin behind it, and I want to eat him alive. All negative thoughts float away with that one grin. Everything else can wait.
Leo grabs his cock and slides the condom on in a painfully slow gesture that leaves me panting, my mouth watering, my core throbbing with the need to be filled. “What do you want to do now?” he asks, casually flopping down on the bed next to me, folding his hands behind his head. With his steely erection, it looks anything but funny, which is what he’s going for.
“There is only one right answer here,” I say and sign.
He nods. “Ding. Ding. Ding. You win the prize, Kendall.” My name on his lips makes my stomach flip. “You lead. That way I won’t come too quickly.”
I exude mock outrage. “Are you trying to say I don’t have sex skills?”
He grins wildly. “Maybe. Better give it your all.”
“I’m not a child. You can’t use reverse psychology on me,” I sign, moving toward him on my knees. I straddle his legs, a knee on each side of his thighs.
Leo presses his lips together to stifle a smile. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Especially not when a naked woman is on top of me. Lady’s choice. Tell me how you want it. How have you dreamed of this happening for the first time?”
Narrowing my eyes, I say, “Awful presumptuous of you to assume I’ve been dreaming of having sex with you.”
He quirks one brow. “Is it?”
I deflate. “Fine. Maybe I have dreamed about it. Envisioned how it would go.”
“Tell me everything. Sign and speak slowly.”
Taking a deep breath, I steel my nerves. Somehow signing feels more intimate than actually speaking. Can I get it right? Will he be able to see what I want him to see? Leo places his hands on my hips and strokes up and down slowly, watching his hands. I swallow hard. “All of the times I’ve thought about having sex with you it felt forbidden. It was always in a closet, or in the kitchen pantry, the car, a forest.” Leo smirks, and nods for me to continue.
“Being here in your bed is sort of the best-case scenario in my dreams.” My whole body feels electric. “Now it really just comes down to positions,” I sign, and then grab him to position him between my thighs. Leo watches, gaze on my hands, his hands tightening on my hip bones. His chest rises and falls faster. When he meets my gaze again, I’m hovering above his hard cock. “I think I want to start here,” I sign, and then slowly sink down onto him. Inch by inch, a slow descent into sheer bliss. The condom’s lubrication helps with the friction, and the fact I haven’t had sex in a long time. He fills me in all ways and I let out a quiet moan when he’s entered me all the way. Laying my hands on his chest, I begin bucking on top of him. Slowly at first, but when I feel his thick girth rubbing against my g-spot, I move quicker, leaning forward to force him to hit me there with each thrust.
I ride him into another intense orgasm. This time is different, because he’s inside me, and the smokescreen clears. I don’t just love this man. No, it’s beyond all measure of feelings. I hold him deep inside as the waves rock my entire body. Nothing escapes the feeling of pleasure. From the tip of my toes to the hair on my head. When I open my eyes, Leo has that look on his face.
“I knew I was good, but Kendall. Come on.”
I offer a weak smile before collapsing on his chest. He lifts me like I don’t weigh anything and pins me beneath his body. “This is how I want to make love to you,” he says, nuzzling my ear. “So I can see you.”
He moves his hips forward, holding the edge of the condom, and enters me again. It is a swift thrust that echoes in his bedroom. There’s only our breaths and the slapping of skin as he picks up his pace. He kisses me and languidly runs his tongue across my neck. His breaths are warm and his kisses taste familiar. Just as I always suspected they would. I drag my fingers over his shoulders and down his sides to edge him on. His lips find mine and the kiss deepens. Leo watches me, a picturesque version of how every woman on planet Earth wants to be viewed. I’m the only one. His one. His tongue mingles with mine, and the erotic sound leaves me longing for him to share in the sense with me. What would he say? Would he think the noises were just as stunning?
I know when he’s getting close to release because his lips leave mine and his body moves a little more franticly. Our sweat mingles, and he brushes my hair away from my face and growls into my neck. Leo pulls out of me and glides the condom off at the same time. Kneeling between my thighs, he runs his hand up and down twice more and comes on my stomach, watching as the liquid pools in my belly button and slides up under my breasts. He grabs a tissue from the nightstand and moves to wipe up his mess.
His breathing is jagged, but he still only has eyes for me. “I need to hear you,” he says, eyes turning down on the corner, a wash of stinging pain creeping to the surface.
I can’t help him do that. No one can. Instead of saying something he can’t hear, I hold out my arms. He lies next to me, his head on my chest, feeling my heart beat. It must almost be like hearing. His fingers tap against my stomach as he imitates the beat over and over until it slows down to a crawl—my resting heart rate. We lie like that for a long time. I stroke his hair and wonder how I’ve been without this man’s love for this long.
I can’t fix him, can’t make him whole, but by saving him, I’m saving myself.
