CHAPTER SEVEN
KENDALL
THE DRIVE IS COLDand lonely. I cry most of the way home, only pausing my sorrowful tirade while I run into the grocery store, eyes swollen and red. I wouldn’t want my sadness tainting one more person on this planet. I’m sad for Natalia. For myself. For every confused friendship that’s ever existed. I’m also angry. At myself. For knowing what I should do, and ignoring that impulse completely. It’s because of the light. That ray of happy light that peeks out when I’m with Leo. I won’t abandon it, instead I’ll clutch it to my chest and call it a lifeline.
My driveway is only lit on the left side. One of the floodlight bulbs went out a few weeks ago and we haven’t replaced it yet. Maybe Adam doesn’t know I’m home, hiding away in the car on the dark side of the driveway because I don’t know what to say to him about why I’m upset. A dead teenager’s poem really struck a chord. He’d think it weak and a feeble excuse for my emotions. He’ll want to know more. What it said. I’ll tell him. He will ask what that means. I’ll say I don’t know. He’ll call me a liar. I’ll sleep in the guest room. Noel will anchor me. To this house and to this marriage. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Pulling down the mirror, I try to fix my face. Not that I had much makeup on to begin with, but the raccoon eyes will give me away almost immediately. Steeling myself against the cold, I push open the front door, set down the grocery bag, and start disrobing.
“You’re here!” Adam exclaims.
My back is facing him. “You’ll be so proud. I remembered to get the select-a-size this time.”
“Ah, you do know exactly how to blow my skirt up,” Adam counters.
I sniffle once, “Every time.” Grabbing the bag, I turn and head into the kitchen. “It’s so cold out there. Nose is leaking like a faucet.”
Adam lays a hand on my shoulder. I don’t jump from his touch. “Here’s the thing,” he says. I meet his gaze and am greeted with his tone-deaf excitement. “I have two surprises for you. Which do you want first, sharp or sweet?”
He looks my face over, and I must pass inspection, because his eyes linger on mine and his grin intensifies. “Did you get me something?” I ask.
“Yes,” Adam says, coyly. “Pick. Which one do you want first?”
I sigh, sliding my hands to my hips. “Sweet. Sharp scares me.”
He chuckles. “Juliet is coming into town next weekend!”
My hands drop. “What? Seriously?”
“We’ve been in communication and we’ve been planning this for a while. I thought it better not to spring it on you and have her sitting in the living room when you got home. So, giving you a week’s notice on your surprise. Are you happy? I can’t really tell.”
I blow out a breath. “Of course. Of course. This is amazing. Thank you. It’s been so long,” I exclaim.
He sees the hesitation. I can’t hide it. “It’s going to be good to talk to her about everything.”
I slide onto a barstool and swivel to face him. “I know it will.”
“You’re not burdening anyone by telling them you’ve been depressed. Again, I know. You can’t hide from me.”
I’m a fool. Adam has done something nice for me and I’m over here worried about myself. “Thank you. I mean it. This is a really great surprise. How long will she be in town?”
“She’s going to search for something to buy or rent while she’s on this coast. She’s moving here next month.” I’ll have my best friend back. My heart leaps. “Isn’t that great news?”
I nod. “The best news.” I’m vibrating with excitement. Another ray of light breaks free, penetrating the crumbling wall of my insecurities. “This means a lot to me. I can help her search. Maybe I can get that Friday off work.” The wheels are already spinning. “I should go call her and tell her I know.”
Adam lays a hand on my thigh. “Wait,” he says, moving his hand back and forth. “One more surprise.”
“You already got me Juliet,” I say, setting my hand on his. “What could possibly top that?”
He bites his lip to stop his crazy huge smile. “Wait right there.” He taps me once more. “Actually, go to the sofa and sit there, okay?”
I narrow my eyes. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. Humor me. Please?” He’s in his charming mode.
Sighing, I rise and make a show of flopping onto the couch. “Surprise me,” I say. “I’m ready for it!” There isn’t any expectation attached to this moment and I wish there was. Back when we were dating, I loved when he surprised me.
“Close your eyes,” Adam calls.
