“The difference being, I’m married to Dad. You’re not married to Leo and you’re attracted to him. Do you think that’s going to go away? That the longer you’re friends the attraction will fade? Or do you think it will intensify as a friendship grows? There’s a reason people say men and women can’t be friends, and it usually has to do with attraction.”
“It doesn’t matter. He’s not attracted to me. He’s always only ever looked at me like a friend. He calls me kid, for crying out loud. Wouldn’t both sides have to be attracted? Why does this have to be so complicated?”
“It doesn’t have to be complicated. I’m just worried for you. You’ve been through a lot already.”
“And you think I don’t know how to honor my marriage?”
“I think you don’t want to be in your marriage.”
My heart stops as my breath lodges in my throat. “Since when?”
“Since Noel died.”
“Why are you just bringing this up now?”
“Honey, I don’t want to upset you. I’ve never wanted to say or do anything to prohibit you from doing what’s best for you. I don’t know what you’ve been through. I haven’t gone through it. I can sympathize with you. But marriage. Being trapped in something when love isn’t there? I know all about that and can empathize with you. You say Leo is a friend, and I believe that, but what I see and feel Leo is, is proof. If you were happy with Adam it wouldn’t take another man to cheer you up. Is there any truth in what I’m saying? Anything at all? I would never judge you. I love you so much. I want your marriage to be successful and full. But not at the expense of your happiness.”
The story of Leo’s parents rings out like a damn warning bell. “I’m still figuring things out with Adam. Was marrying him a mistake? I don’t know. He finally admitted he wouldn’t have married me if I wasn’t pregnant. That’s something. Not something good, unfortunately. I wish there was a magic pill I could take to see the future.” I turn down Leo’s road. Although, I’ve never been here, I’m familiar with this area because of where a coffee shop is. When I looked at his address in the system this afternoon, I knew exactly what neighborhood he lived in.
“Kendall, you have to create your future. You don’t need a pill to tell you what to do. You have to follow your heart. That’s hard because your heart has been broken in the most devastating way.” Mom tears up. Like she does anytime Noel is spoken of. “I’m sorry. One day I won’t get this upset. As a mom, I just want to take away your pain.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’m getting closer and closer to being ready.” I clear my throat. Noel’s ashes. The last step. Spreading them at a place of our choice. One day. My ultimate pipe dream. “To let her go. Move all the way on.” I watch the numbers on the houses count up as I get closer to his house and finally arrive at his driveway. His truck must be parked in the garage. “Listen. Don’t worry about me or my marriage. I’ll figure it out. We will.”
She sighs on the other end of the line. Long and drawn out. My brother screams. “Don’t waste too much time figuring it out, honey. That’s my advice.”
My heart pounds and I don’t know if it’s because she’s forcing me into a decision I’m not ready to make, or because I’m parked in front of Leo Callaway’s house. “Love you. I’ll call you tomorrow. Kiss the rugrat for me. I’m going to send him something soon. Something loud and pestering.”
“Ha. Ha. Love you, baby. Tell Leo that Aidan says to stay away from what’s his.”
We both chuckle and then I end the call with fond memories and more trepidation than any friend would have bringing soup to a sick friend. I grab the bag and the bottle of soda and approach the house. It has two dormers on top and the shakes are a worn light gray. The decorative shutters are bright red. It’s absolutely traditional and adorable. Nothing at all that fits the beast of a man who resides inside. I grin as I press the lit doorbell button.
I don’t hear anything, so I ring it again and wait another minute. I try the knob, but it’s locked. I press my ear against the door to see if I hear any movement. I fumble through my gloves for my phone in my jacket pocket. Using my teeth, I remove one glove so I can use the damn smart phone, while balancing the bag and bottle of soda in the crook of my arm. The door opens and Leo is wearing a white tee shirt and a pair of boxer briefs. His hair is sticking up in a million different directions and his eyes are puffy.
“I woke you up. I’m so, so sorry!” I exclaim, trying to keep my gaze focused on his face. His grin is sleepy as he backs into the house so I can enter. I shut the door, zapping the cold draft. “Why don’t you have clothes on?”
His voice croaks. “It’s not like I’m going to get sick from the cold or something.”
“You’re so funny. Seriously, though. You can get sicker.” I widen my eyes at the compete tornado that is his house. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed help? I brought you soup.”
I hold up the bag and turn left into the kitchen. He meanders behind me, and with a deep breath, throws himself into a dining room chair. “I don’t need help,” he says. “I’m feeling better today.”
“Wow you could have fooled me. You look like absolute shit, Callaway.”
Leaning his head on one hand, he shoots a smug look. “You’re just used to seeing me in my sexy uniform.”
“Are you really starting with that right now?” I scoff, but can’t hide my smirk. I want this.What is wrong with me? “Where are your bowls?” I say, opening and closing cabinets like a woman on a mission. “You hungry?”
“I’ll eat,” he says. Glancing over my shoulder, I see his gaze focused on my ass.
Shut up, heart. Shut up. Calm down. Friendship.
Dumping some soup into the bowl, I reach for the microwave handle and am surprised to see the inside is clean. “Do you have a house cleaner?”
He’s laying his head down on both hands now. “Yeah. Sort of,” he replies, words muffled. “You shouldn’t be here. What if I get you sick?”
“Don’t worry about me. You sound just like Adam. Annoying.”
He lifts his head. The microwave beeps. “Fuck. I amnotAdam.”
