I should correct her, but my ego won’t let me. She’s stroked every part of my subconscious that needs reassurance. The only thing on my mind now is connection. In every way possible. “You know that saying, you never know what you have until it’s gone?” I say, watching her hands as Malena familiarizes herself with my torso, arms, and neck.
“Yeah,” she replies, distractedly, rounding my back to take stock of every new scar. “I can’t believe how many holes you have all over your body.” Her declaration is absentminded, she doesn’t expect a response. The scars aren’t something I mind if she doesn’t.
“I think that saying is bullshit,” I say. She sits on the bed in front of me and pulls the slinky, form-hugging dress over her body. Swallowing hard, I watch her, let my gaze flutter to all of my favorite features. She is a vision, a dream woman. A visceral creation that steals my breath.
“Bullshit how?” she says, tilting her head to the side.
“People need to appreciate what they have when they have it so it never leaves,” I explain. “Only weak people need to lose something to appreciate it.” I clear my throat.
She looks thoughtful as she reaches behind her body to unfasten her bra.
“Not weak,” she says. “Maybe they aren’t sure what they have? Maybe they don’t understand what losing it will feel like. Not everyone can be certain of something so important, so quickly.” Malena shakes her head. “Our love isn’t typical, Leif. You’re the one who pointed that out to me.”
“Fair point,” I say, unbuttoning my jeans. They fall to the floor and I step out of them. Malena stands, sliding her panties down mimicking my move. She takes my hand in hers and picks up my left hand to admire my new piece of jewelry. “Tell me something,” I say.
When she releases my hand, I pull her naked skin against mine and delight in the practically foreign feeling. “Why do I feel like this isn’t going to be a question I want to answer?”
“Why did you really go see your ex-husband?” My question causes her to stiffen in my arms. She relaxes a moment later, but I can tell I’ve surprised her. “It’s just something that’s bothered me. That’s all.”
“When I walked in the auto shop, his wife and little girl greeted me. She was pregnant. It was so odd. The reason I went there, to get closure, to speak my peace, seemed like utter nonsense when I realized he was happily procreating elsewhere. I don’t think he ever loved me. Not the way you love me. I know I didn’t love him the way I was supposed to. I’d call it luck that I didn’t get pregnant, but honestly, I’ll use your word and call it destiny. I wasn’t supposed to be with him. I was supposed to be with you.”
“That makes sense. Sometimes I wonder why you didn’t tell me, and then other times I’m glad you didn’t because things might have ended up differently had it came up.”
“I should have told you,” Malena whispers. “I was too afraid of losing the only good thing I’ve had in my life.”
My chest burns with adoration. Taking her face in my hands, I kiss her. I back her up to the bed and follow her down trying desperately not to disconnect our lips. Her love tastes like honesty. The truths are so loud that they block out anything that might cloud this moment. I kiss her until her breathing speeds, and she’s raising her hips seeking me out. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” I murmur against her lips. Her eyes open and I’m greeted with a hint of mischief. “I’m not going to last five seconds.”
She laughs, tips up her chin, and waits for my kiss. “Are you saying you didn’t know how much you missed sex until we didn’t have it?”
I kiss her neck, her collarbone, tracing my lips down her chest and the hollow between her breasts, dragging my fingers over her nipples as I move. “No, I’m quite aware of what I’ve missed.” I continue my assault down her stomach and kiss between her legs. My fingers slip into her wet folds and her moan lights the air.
“This feels better than in my dreams.” I lick her clit until she’s bucking against me, surging toward orgasm, her breathing speeding. Then I stop, wipe my mouth against her inner thigh, and press my lips against hers.
“That wasn’t nice,” she says, wrapping her legs around my waist.
I grunt. “Trying to level the playing field a little.” Lining up my dick to her wet pussy, every muscle in my body tenses. “When I make love to my wife, she needs to come.”
Her panting turns ragged, as she lifts her hips farther, urging me inside. I close my eyes and drive into her. The familiar inhuman feeling of her core gripping me sends a rack of chills down my spine, an awareness that trumps every pain.
Finally. Finally. I’m home.
Malena runs her hands up the sides of my face, resting her forehead against mine, gaze locked on mine. We find our rhythm, together. A year of time has nothing on the fluidity of our chemistry—our connection. She’s in my head, in my rapidly beating heart. Her hands slide down my back and pull on my ass. The pace quickens, as do her moans so I know it won’t be much longer. Giving myself over to just feel it is easy now.
Tucking my face into her neck, I breathe in her skin. It’s her. Everything about this woman—my wife, that I’ll never get enough of. “I’m coming,” Malena says, sighing out and clenching my glutes tighter.
“Me too,” I say against her pulse, pressing a kiss there, and then deciding to suck a little instead. We come at the same time, releasing a years’ worth of pent-up emotions, or lack thereof.
“That was worth the wait,” Malena pants, not releasing her grip.
“Let’s never wait that long again, though. Don’t get any crazy ideas,” I say.
“Agreed,” she replies, searching for my lips.
She kisses me, raising her hips to feel our connection. “I love you so much. You’re my favorite person in the entire world.”
“You’re my favorite person in the entire universe,” I reply, jutting deeply inside her.
Her reply is that smile.
No one tells you how to love a universe. It’s so big and awe-inspiring that contentment comes from merely existing inside of its wonder. I’ll spend my life loving in this most impossible way.
She’s my miracle. My constant. She is devotion unfiltered and in high def stereo. The words she spoke and thought I never heard ricochet through my mind.
Love me, Leif. Love me.
And so I will. For the rest of time.
