I make a noise of acceptance, mostly because I’m not sure what to say and I’m a little upset. We never established boundaries, but this kind of seems like he’s stepped over some.
“If she can pull some strings and get your mom the help she needs, would you accept it?”
A lump lodges in my throat. This is what I’ve always wanted for her. A place she would be safe at all hours of the day regardless of my location. Would I be able to live with the guilt of passing her to someone else? “Can we talk about this later? I’ll think about it,” I tell him, sniffling.
“Did I make you upset?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s just I’m happy you’re trying to help me and sad because I didn’t think it would happen this fast. It’s a lot. I’ve been on my own, save for my friends and the nurses I pay, for a long time. Giving up control will be complicated.”
“We can talk about it later, okay? Something to think about is all.”
“Sure,” I tell him. “I have to go back to work. The birds are staring daggers at me,” I say, narrowing my eyes at my coworkers trying to listen to my conversation. “Call me later?”
“Of course,” Leif says. “Malena.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re an amazing person. In case no one has told you that today.” He clicks off the line, and my heart rate ratchets up even though he’s not in front of me. Shaking my head, I pocket my cell, slam my lunch box in my locker and exit the break room without so much as looking at the rest of the General Store employees.
______________
I rub her clammy forehead. She woke up flailing and crying again. Because she forgot he left us. I calmed her as best as I could, but I’ll be on high alert for another hour or so. That’s about how long it takes for Mom to fade back into REM sleep where she has to be for me to be confident she won’t wake up and try to leave the house. After leaving her room, I double check the locks on every exit in the house. I had trigger alarms installed on every single door and window after the first time she went for a walk at two in the morning. I hoped the alarms would take the place of the night nurse and save me some money, but it wasn’t enough and I had to keep working. It will never be enough.
Rubbing my tired eyes, I pull a glass out of the cabinet and hold it under the faucet to fill it. Standing over the sink, I drink the contents, tipping my head back. Deep breaths, Malena. Deep breaths. Leif is right. A facility would be able to better handle her at this point. She’s not only a prisoner of her own mind, she’s a prisoner in this house. I grab my novel off the kitchen table, and head back to my side of the house, taking the monitor with me. I grab a stress ball off a shelf and begin crushing it in my palm. This is the point when I usually start to feel sorry for myself. The point when I let the guilt ease, and let myself actually feel mad about my predicament, my lack of life because of the responsibilities I bear.
A rock hits my window instead. Glancing at the gauzy curtain, I look back at my book. Another tiny rock hits. Then another three in a fast succession. Padding over, I pull aside the curtains and see Leif leaning against a palm tree, in my front yard, a bicycle next to him. Shaking my head, I deactivate the alarms using my cell phone and open the window as high as it will go.
“You scared me,” I hiss out. “What are you doing here in the middle of the night?”
“I wanted to see you,” Leif replies, the tension in his shoulders and neck evident from my perch several yards away. His white shirt has a sweat stain. “I couldn’t wait until our next date,” he explains when I don’t reply. “Can I come in?” The air is thick, the humidity clinging to anything that will hold it.
I’m acutely aware of my tousled hair, crappy old T-shirt hitting mid-thigh, and what it means when a man comes over in the middle of the night unannounced. “Is this a booty call, Leif?” He approaches and my heart thumps a little more wildly with each of his thunderous steps in my direction.
He smirks. “No way.” Under his breath, he says, “I wish.” But I know without a doubt I wasn’t meant to hear it, so I take the goosebumps and the panty buzz and step back so a burly man can remove my screen and crawl through my window.
“I can’t believe you rode all the way here.” I pull my fingers through my hair, glancing in the large mirror above my dresser trying to calm the tangle. I let my gaze flick to Leif in the mirror—he’s staring at me, a fierce smolder about to set my skin on fire. In favor of seeing that in person, I meet his eyes, smiling. “It’s late for a workout, isn’t it? Didn’t know bike rides were your thing either.”
“I wasn’t working out. I just…couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he says. “You’re so beautiful.” His eyes dip down to my shirt and bare thighs. “I’m out of my league here and while I’m sure me showing up in the middle of the night to talk to you isn’t the best idea, you should know I almost didn’t wake you up. I was standing out there just thinking. Looking like a burglar or something worse. Figured I better just do what I came to do.”What did you come to do?
“If it makes you feel better, I wasn’t sleeping. You didn’t wake me up.” For once, I keep a lid on the details. Ruining this mood would be criminal.
“Good,” he replies, breathing heavy. “I need to try something.”
“Try something?”
He steps toward me, putting one hand on my hip, raising my shirt on one side by gliding his hand up to my waist. When my black lace panties show, he lets the shirt fall back down. “Like I thought,” he growls, swallowing hard. Leif leans his forehead down on mine. “Malena, I can’t stop thinking about kissing you. I can’t stop,” he repeats. “If I kiss you, maybe I can get my head on straight. I’m not a man that makes excuses, but I need to try. You’re driving me fucking crazy. Talking to you. Getting to know you. Giving a shit. It’s all messing with me. A kiss. All I need is a kiss.”
Running my hands under his T-shirt, he shudders as my fingers make contact with his bare skin. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not,” I reply after he hisses out a pleased breath.
Nodding emphatically, he says, “It is.”
“Sounds like we have an experiment on our hands,” I reply, removing my hands from his rippling abs to glide my palms on top of his biceps and forearms, watching as my touch prickles his skin. “Just a kiss? Nothing more?”
Biting his lip, he nods, leans down and pushes my lips apart with his tongue. His hands circle my lower back as the kiss deepens—my lips on his, and our bodies pressed together, no space for the Lord in this embrace. It’s gritty with need and electrified with pent-up desire. His teeth bump against mine, as he tilts his head the opposite direction to possess my mouth from a different angle. Backing up, he follows me until my legs hit my bed.
Leif breaks from the kiss only long enough to remove his shirt, as I scoot back toward the pillows. “Consider the experiment a failure,” he breathes, eyes wild, gaze flicking from my mouth to my eyes. “I’ll never get enough of your lips.”
I grin in reply and he’s on me in the next second. His kiss truly is an out of body experience. My skin is on fire from feeling his large hands on my hips, tingles of need flush every part of my skin that touches his. This isn’t because I haven’t been with a man in a long time, it’s because it’s him. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I clasp my hands around his neck, lacing my fingers in his hair. Our height difference isn’t as obvious when we’re lying down, limbs entwined, heart to heart. Leif drags his lips across my neck, leaving a trail of fire as he goes. His kiss finds my ear and I whisper his name. A tiny plea for everything he’s not giving me. Everything he can’t give. His lips find mine again and I let my eyes close to feel every sensation crawling through my body.
