She snickers. “Don’t worry. He got better at it,” she says. “Wait, that’s awkward. I’m sorry.”
Well, he certainly brushed up on foreplay. I have to squeeze my legs together at the reminder of being naked with him. “I hope so.”
She hides her surprise with a sip of her drink, but ignores my admission. “He’s attracted to the opposite of what his life is surrounded with. The death. The destruction. War. Blood. Fighting. Politics. His reprieve is loving, wanting that good inside the untouchable part of his world. He’ll do anything for you. I know he’s going to be the best daddy, too. I wanted you to know that despite any horribly stupid things he might have said and done that the man is worth it. One hundred percent worth it. I wasn’t as lucky as you are and I need to you know that.”
Tears prick my eyes, because I know she’s right. My dreams are made of Tahoe holding our baby, kissing baby toes, being the kind of brave, strong father that I had growing up.
“There wasn’t any hesitation before, but I have to say thank you for telling me this. Your perspective means everything to me. I’m sure it costs you to be honest like this and I appreciate it. So much,” I admit, taking her hands in the center of the small table.
She looks down and thumbs my engagement ring. “He did good, girl.”
Wiping at an errant tear, I laugh. “I know. It’s so beautiful.” The ring in question never was a big deal to me. The idea behind it was everything. He chose it for me. An object of his affection he wants me to wear for the rest of my life.
“You’re welcome, Caroline.”
After she finishes her drink we walk back into the bustling club. Tahoe is pacing next to the booth, the rest of our surly group nowhere in sight. They must have hit the next spot on Malena’s list.
“Are you okay?” Tahoe asks, rushing me. “Everything fine?” he asks Stella when I don’t respond.
“We’re fine, Tyler. We did a little reminiscing,” Stella calls out over the music.
I’m staring. Because I just found another side of the man I love without knowing it. I’ll never question his love for me again. Not after tonight and the things Stella told me.
“I love you,” I say, throwing myself into his arms. Tentatively I feel his arms close around my body.
“Told you,” Stella croons. “You two enjoy the rest of your night. I’m meeting my husband at the bar across the street, we have a sitter until midnight!”
Tahoe peels me away from his body. “You’re sure you’re okay? I love you, too.”
I nod, happy tears spilling down my face. I hug Stella good bye, and she leaves, her light blonde hair disappearing into the crowd. I’ll probably never see her again. The woman he didn’t love enough. The one that happened so he could know I was what true love felt like. Does that eat at her like a disease? To be that close to having something spectacular and having it snatched away? I have to believe she’s happy now. With her life and her choices. It’s the only way I can be thankful and not sad.
Commitment
Tahoe
Camaraderie and Commitment. The two words in my life that mean the most. To me, they can be exchanged as definitions for one another. Today I gained both in the form of a radiant bride. She’s twirling around the wooden dance floor under the starlight with her father leading. Her smile is huge and her laughter could be the only music I hear for the rest of my life and I’d be perfectly content. Her gaze catches mine, and I see more of her teeth. She’s breathtaking in every sense of the word. Her wedding dress is lace and modest, and her face isn’t painted like it was in New York.
This is my Caroline.
Her hair a tangle of waves, is pulled away from her face, but a few strands tugged free and cut across her face as she spins. Slow motion. Pause. Rewind. I want to do all of these during this moment. The camera flashes and I’m thankful the photographer saw what I just did and was wise enough to capture it.
My chest aches. The love I have for her so encompassing, I’m not sure she’ll ever truly know how much she means to me or how far I’ll go to make her happy. Finally. Finally. I have what I desire most in this crazy world. My very own sunshine. Even on those days when I’m thinking about dark things, I know that by walking into the room she’ll steal those thoughts away.
How do I tell Caroline she’s saving me without telling her why?
“Tahoe,” Caroline calls. Her mouth grinning around my name. “Come here.”
Standing from our little table, I approach her and her dad. The blush of her cheeks and the sheen on her neck call out to the beast that lies dormant. I finally get to tap him on the shoulder. Tonight. Our wedding night is here.
“The band is playing our song next. Are you ready?”
I grin, and her gaze darts to my lips. The dimple she loves. “I’m never not ready,” I reply. May shakes my hand and kisses her on the cheek and heads back to Mrs. May who is crying and laughing in the same measure. She knew all along. Or so she told me when I asked them both for permission to marry Caroline. They were both overzealous in their acceptance of my offer, even going as far as telling me I needed to propose as soon as possible. That was when she was recovering, though. I think we all thought her acceptance or refusal was a shot in the dark.
I was the one to get her back in a plane. I think that’s when they knew she’d be back to her old self in no time. I was fucking petrified we would crash. Not because she was piloting, but because that’s what happens anytime you hear about an airplane crash on the news. You wonder if yours is going down next. The fact that I saw her fiery wreckage didn’t help my phobia either.
“Have I told you how ravishing you look tonight?” I take her into my arms and the camera flashes.
“Only about a thousand times,” she replies. “How are we going to do this dance? Malena was probably right. We should have practiced or something, right?”
