“I need to know if you wanted to be with other men,” I say, lowering my voice. “You know, other than me.”
Her eyes widen, realization dawning. “I didn’t break up with you because I wanted to sample the platter, Tyler. How could you think that?” she replies, looking left and right, and then meeting my eyes. “You literally stated, verbatim, why I ended our relationship. I loved you like water. Something required to survive. You couldn’t be bottled. You slipped right thought my fingers.” She pauses, her eyes glossing over. “Do you understand?” She reaches out, her familiar hand seeking mine. I put my big one of top of hers. “You never needed me. Not like Harry needs me. Not like the baby needs me. I told you that in the email. It never had anything to do with wanting to try out other men before settling down forever with you. How I wish it could have been you!” She takes a few seconds to compose herself and it satisfies me in a cruel way to know I can cause her this obvious pain.
“She’s a virgin, like I was?” she asks, pulling her hand back, to wrap around her glass.
I put my face in both of my hands and keep my mouth shut. “And you’re afraid that she’s going to run like I did,” Stella says. “To make sure you’re the one. In your selfishness to know you’re the best, you think she can’t decide for herself that you’re the one without having been with other men?”
Groaning, I pick up my head and rub my tired eyes. There’s no need to reply. This is where Stella is successful. I raise one finger to signal for another drink.
“How bad did you blow this, Tahoe?” she asks.
Turning, I look at her. What would it hurt to tell her? “I can’t look at her without wanting her. I can’t breathe without smelling her. Every single thing in my body wants her in every single way and I know I’ll never be able to shake her,” I admit. “She’s perfect. I’m bound to the town. I bought property. I did all of these things because I convinced myself I loved Bronze Bay. When in actuality, I like Bronze Bay. I love Caroline.”
“And,” Stella prompts. She wants the gory details. The warm fuzzy facts don’t help anyone. I want her advice so I have to crack open the dark spots.
“I didn’t know she was a virgin and I almost fucked her in my truck cab, piss drunk, mind you. That’s when she dropped the V bomb and I ghosted. I can’t take that from her. I leave destruction in my wake,” I say, letting my gaze flick from the top of Stella’s head down to her waist, and back up.
Stella swallows hard. “I never thought I’d be giving you relationship advice,” she says, calmly. “Does she love you? Like you love her?”
I run my hand through my hair. “I think so,” I reply. She did. Maybe. Before I panicked—self-sabotaged, gave her every reason not to. “Probably not like I do. She makes me feel crazy. It was going to be perfect,” I say. “I had it all planned out. This weekend in the city. I knew she was innocent. I did, but I had no clue. Blinded by everything else, I guess.”
Stella shakes her head and reminds me of the story of how she told me she was a virgin. I wanted that back then—thought it was the greatest thing in the world to have a body untouched by any other cock.
“You have a type even if you don’t want to admit it,” She says. “She’d probably forgive you if you explain that a horrible virgin in your past burned you in the worst possible way.”
I grin, and then down another drink. “Slow down on the drinks, buddy. Sounds like that’s what got you into some of this mess.”
Nodding, I agree. “You were forever for me. The feelings weren’t reciprocated,” Stella says sadly.
“I can’t apologize for something I didn’t know,” I say. “Had I never met Caroline I’d have thought you were it for me too.”
Laughing, she shakes her head. “That is so offensive, but I get it. If it’s real, she’ll understand. I’m sorry, Tyler. For the email. For a lot of things. If you can salvage this with her, I feel like none of it will matter. Everything will work out the way it was supposed to. I’m glad Leif called me.”
So am I. This was needed for so many reasons. The next drink we share is slow. Stella shows me photos of her baby on her phone and I tell her about Caroline. About Bronze Bay. About my home. When her husband calls, we end our meeting both feeling lighter. I walk her to the revolving door and follow her out onto the sidewalk.
She turns abruptly, and sets her gaze to meet mine. For a fleeting second, I miss our past, and everything comfortable we had together. Love isn’t comfortable, though. It’s a painful collapse of walls—a drifting into a place that feels like adventure and home at the same time. “Keep it,” she says, smiling a familiar smile. “It’s the only thing worth fighting for. Perfection is a mess, Tyler Holiday. Remember that.” She spins on her heel and walks away, her blonde hair getting lost in a sea of meaningless people.
My feet don’t move fast enough as I run through the lobby and back up to my room to make a phone call. Or seven.
Chapter Seventeen
Caroline
Not only has he broken my heart, he’s cut me off from the rest of the world. Rather, all of the men in Bronze Bay. Shirley tried to get me a date with Buddy from the furniture store. Someone to pop my cherry and move on from the Tahoe sized hole in my chest, but he refused a date. So did Nathan from the body shop, Trey from the Bait and Tackle, and Rhett, the attorney in town. She opens her arms and talks loudly. “They all said you were Tahoe’s property!” she exclaims.
I’m so furious, I’m crying. “How dare he!” I roar. The tears of frustration turn into sadness because as angry as I am, I’m also relieved.
I don’t want Buddy. Or Nathan, or Trey, or Rhett. Not at all. Not even one tiny bit. I only want one man and that is absolutely infuriating. “He’s already ruined everything with our relationship, but now he’s all best budswith Bronze Bay residents.”
“Caleb,” Shirley says, ignoring my screams. “He would have sex with you.”
I scoff. “You have sex with Caleb,” I say, my mouth hanging open. “Are you out of your mind?” Leaning back in my desk chair, my friend perches at the edge of my desk, scrolling through her cell phone. “Are they back from New York yet?” I ask.
Shirley shakes her head. “I think they get home tomorrow or the next day though. I remember Aidan saying it should take a few weeks or so. I can’t believe you didn’t go to NYC without him. You don’t need him to travel.”
She’s right. The thought did cross my mind. “What if I ran into him? I don’t know where I’m going. As independent as I like to think I am, I’d need someone who knew where they’re going.”
“Hello! Take me. We could figure it out ourselves together. Let’s finish planning your house warming with Malena and then we’ll go to New York. We’ll find men and have a lot of sex! That dude can’t have reach up that far. There will be a man willing to take your virginity in the city. I’ve heard about these apps you use to find dates,” Shirley explains, air quoting the last word. “You upload your picture and look at theirs and decide if you want to bang it out.”
