Their smiles fall, and Leif’s mouth hangs open. Aidan licks his lips. “Oh,” Leif says, shaking off the shock of my unfiltered words. The silence turns awkward, overtaking every particle of oxygen. “It all makes sense now,” he mutters, though I’m not sure he meant for me to hear.
“Maybe you boys can give him some pointers? I’ll be back in a jiff,” I say, scribbling the coffees down on the ticket.
Their gazes are boring into my back, I’m sure of it. Caleb’s eyes look wary as I approach. “Don’t say a word,” I say, shaking my head. Leif exits the building, and comes back in a minute or two later, a grim expression on his face.
As I’m pouring coffee in their mugs, Leif clears his throat. “Uh, can you spare a second to chat with him? He’s still outside. We all rode in together,” he explains.
I shake my head. “Even if I wanted to, I’m waiting by myself today.”
Aidan hops up. “Give me your apron. I have this. I’ve always wanted to live out a waitress fantasy.”
Leif quirks one bushy brow. “You mean fuck a waitress in uniform. Not be one, right?” he asks, then realizes I’m standing right here. “Not you, though. I’m not suggesting he wants to fuck you.” His face is horrified as he tries to talk around his blunder.
I grin. “Of course not. Why would anyone want to fuck me?”
Leif swallows hard. Aidan clears his throat awkwardly. “Go talk to him. Just thirty seconds. Aidan can pour coffee. I attest on his behalf. I’ll supervise everything.”
“I have nothing to say to him,” I say, putting one hand on my hip.
Aidan ushers me to the front door, one arm on my shoulder. I ask Bob on my way by if he needs anything. He winks in response.
I hand Aidan the ticket book and tell him the guy in the suit needs his check. He smiles widely like I’ve entrusted him with a billion dollars. Tahoe is kicking the tires of the truck in the muddy parking lot.
“What do you want?” I call out.
At the sound of my voice, he hangs his head. “They told you to come out here?”
“Said you wanted to talk to me,” I say.
He looks like crap. His face is haggard and his tan skin is a pallid color. “Tyler, I really don’t have anything else to say to you.”
“I fuck virgins,” he says, a hint of meanness inside his words.
I raise my brows. “That’s great. Just not me then. What a compliment. I didn’t come out here to fight with you about your drunken declarations. Aidan is in there waiting my tables.”
He kicks the chunks of wet mud with his big combat boots. “I fucked everything up, okay? Stay away from me and them,” he says.
I laugh. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
“Caroline, I’m telling you for your own good. We aren’t good men. I saved you. Stringing you along for all this time was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made. I’m sorry for that. I am.”
Frustration rears, leaving me furious. “I don’t need agoodman to take my virginity. At this point I just need someone who isn’t afraid to do it. Aren’t men supposed to want a virgin? I saw on the news one woman auctioned hers off. Maybe that’s what I’ll do. Get it over with so you’ll find me attractive.”
He spins, looking at me dead on for the first time since I came outside. “That’s seriously what you fucking think? That I don’t find you attractive enough?” He steps toward me. I look away, at the window where his friends are staring at us from their booth. The soft glow of the light behind them masking the expressions on their faces. “A war doesn’t have anything on what you make me feel.” He gets so close that I can feel the heat from his breaths.
I have to close my eyes. To get away from him in one way, because it’s too much. Having him this close but not being able to touch him. “You are dangerous, Caroline,” he says. I open my eyes as his flutter closed. “You threaten everything I’ve ever stood for. Everything I thought I needed. Wanted. I’m doing you a favor. Be reasonable please.”
“That’s it then?” I ask. “We’ll just pretend there’s nothing between us? This is a small town in case you haven’t noticed.” His B&B comes to mind and how entangled he is with my world now.
He backs away a step and inhales deeply. “Pretending is going to be hard for a while. I need to get the fuck away from you.”
“How can you do this? I don’t understand. How can you throw this away so easily? For something so trivial?”Before it ever really started.Maybe my hesitance was warranted, maybe he was never that into me. Reading things this wrong is something I’ll probably never recover from.
“You’re asking the wrong questions,” Tahoe replies. To his credit, he looks tortured and crestfallen. Like someone else made this decision for him and there’s nothing he can do to change it.
Licking my lips, I take a step back toward the diner. “What a joke. Have fun in New York.” All of it was too good to be true. Something picked from a movie and inserted in my life. The happily ever after doesn’t transfer over in real life though. I’m not that naïve.
He raises his brows. “If I’m lucky I won’t make it back.” My stomach sinks at what he’s insinuating. I can’t have him, and I don’t want anyone else to have him, but he needs to always exist. To prove what I felt, for even a small amount of time was real.
