I frown. “I can’t see your gorgeous dimples under all that hair,” I admonish. It looks kind of hot in a way that only a person insanely in love could rationalize. “Will it hurt to kiss you with all of that?” I ask. Maverick laughs, leaning back in his chair. His shirt is off. If I squint I can make out my tattoo on his chest. A part of me is with him there. My heart squeezes a little.
His full lips, because I can still see those, form a line. “What did you think of my last e-mail?” Maverick asks. I know what he wants from me. Assurance. Taking into account the delay, I start speaking before he even finishes his question.
“You couldn’t scare me off even if you were a bearded, trained killer…oh, wait.” I laugh and then finish, “Maverick, I’m glad you were honest with me, but it doesn’t matter what happened in your past. We’re moving on to the future. Our future together. Everyone has things in their past they wish they could erase—some more than others. You don’t have to worry. Okay?” He shakes his head with a little smile on his face. I continue, “I won’t worry either.”
“How did I get so lucky?” The screen pixelates for a second, but I see him again a few seconds later.
“I’m asking myself the same question right now, Mr. Shirtless hulking eighth wonder of the world.” I bite my lip, only because I know it drives him nuts. It used to be a bad habit to keep from talking back to my mother, now I use it purely for seduction.
“Speaking of shirtless. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you in that state,” Maverick admits. The lip bite had the intended effect. I laugh and point the laptop camera at my very black, very see through, very lacy slip camisole. Maverick whistles, folding his arms behind his head. I aim the screen back at my face.
“I thought you might like it,” I say. Maverick’s smile fades, though I can barely tell with all the facial hair. “What’s the matter?” His hands still perched behind his head, he merely stares at his computer screen.
“I just wish I was there…that’s all,” he sighs.
Oh, how I wish he were here too. Seeing his face and knowing how far away he is makes me miss him that much more.
“I knew I’d miss you, but your face…right there,” he says reaching for the screen. “I didn’t think it’d make me so…homesick. For you.”
The sadness hangs between us, somewhere in cyberspace, or in the atmosphere both here and in Afghanistan. It’s weird. It has a tangible quality to it. I can’t touch Maverick, but the sadness is wholly formed and ready to be grasped. I don’t want it to seep into this brief time I have with him and ruin it.
“Hey, I’m right here. We can Skype each other as much as your pervy friends let us. Tell them to curb their porn addiction so you can see your girlfriend.” I slip the strap of my camisole off one shoulder. His lopsided grin appears a second later.
“I like the sound of that. The girlfriend part. Not the pervy friends part.” He leans forward to see me better.
All of a sudden I’m nervous. I’ve never done anything even remotely this brazen. Well, what I’maboutto do. Get naked in front of a webcam and do God knows what.
“Have you ever thought about being more than my girlfriend?” he asks seriously.
My eyes bug out of my head and my jaw drops. I wait a few beats, staring at him curiously. I stutter. “I mean…has it been long enough to be appropriate to think about that?” The logical Windsor steps up to the plate. I also added a trick of his: answer a question with a question.
“That’s not what I asked. Drop your preconceived notions about everything you’ve been told about relationships and be truthful. Have you thought about being more than just my girlfriend?” He swallows as his chest heaves. I’d guess his heart is hammering a mile a minute.
I slide my strap back on my shoulder. This conversation took a detour into new, uncharted territory.The truth, Windsor. Tell him the truth.I can’t say I love you to him, because I’m still sorting out that whole concept in my twisted mind, but have I ever thought about being more than his girlfriend? Yes. I’m female. A flash of a white dress, two point five kids, and a picket fence simmer to the surface whenever a woman dates a man. Even a first date so, watch out, guys. It’s an uncontrollable response whether love is involved or not.
“Of course,” I exclaim. I make it seem he’s crazy for having to ask. Men don’t know about the inner-workings of a female brain, though. I can’t fault him for that. “Is that the right answer? Have you thought about me being more than your girlfriend?”
“If it’s true, it is the right answer. I have. I hate that we’re not having this conversation in person. I wasn’t joking when I said forever, Win,” he replies. My heart thunders and my breathing speeds up, my body responding to words from a man on the other side of the world. It. Is. Ridiculous. Maverick’s hazel eyes land on mine. “I’m not good with words,” he starts saying, but I cut him off.
“You are excellent with words. The song you wrote me? Perfection, Maverick. I wish I could tell you how I feel about you as easily,” I say, looking over to my window to break the cyber eye contact. I hear him clear his throat. He won’t push me to say or admit anything no matter how much his curiosity gets the best of him. I face the screen again. “How do you know when you love a person, Mav?” I take a deep breath. He’s steered this conversation to this deep, scary place. Why not ask what I really want to know?
“I can’t answer that question for everybody. I can answer it for me…about you,” he says, pausing. “I knew I was in love with you when I wanted you more than I wanted anything else. I don’t need you to live my life. I want you in my life to make it worth living.” He clears his throat, nodding. “It started off as a challenge. I won’t lie, Win. I wanted you because I couldn’t have you. You were like this jagged mountainside that I had to climb to get what I wanted. I never anticipated wanting to open up to you and what that would lead to. The day you trusted me enough to jump out of an airplane, I took a leap too. I decided to go all in. I’m all in, Windsor. There’s no going back from this, or pretending I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I love you because you’re good. Your honesty is the most beautiful thing about you. You make me a better person without even trying. It’s uncomplicated because it’s innate for you. I’m just waiting for you to realize how amazing you really are and leave my sorry, fucked-up ass. I know I love you because of this,” he says putting his fisted hand over his heart—over my tattoo. “It would stop beating if you weren’t mine. I’m yours, Windsor.”
I sniffle. “I told you about my crying problem and you go and do that?” I laugh, but it’s broken up by a small sob. Maverick smiles a wistful smile.
“I’m taking your lead in the honesty department,” he admits.
I love you,I think. I feel like a liar, not the queen of honesty he portrays me as. I wipe underneath my eyes. “You’re not fucked up, by the way. You’re sort of magnificent. So is your heart. Our connection is pretty soul shattering, isn’t it? I’m yours, babe. I’m all yours,” I say.
He chuckles. “So, you’re mine? All of you? Every inch?” he asks, wiggling his brows.
“So, now you want to see me naked?” I tease. I’m still trying to control my rapid-fire pulse. I never anticipated making declarations like this at this early freaking hour. I was ready for smut…not love. I’m glad he brought this up. Hearing his confession makes it easier to sort though my own hang-ups over my strong, unexpected feelings for Maverick.
“I always want to see you naked. I just want to make sure we are okay,” he says, his voice warbling with the worsening Internet connection. When he says things like this it shocks me. I bet he rarely needs reassurance of anything. Then I remember his past. His family totally abandoned him. Of course he needs to know “we’re okay”. He’s far away with nothing to hold on to except words. Words are just words until they’re not.
“We’re okay. One hundred percent okay. Take off your pants and show me what you’re working with,” I command, sliding the camisole off both of my shoulders and down around my hips. His eyes widen when he sees my naked body. I tilt the camera so he has a perfect view of my breasts and the bottom half of my face. I bite my lip.
“How can I refuse you when you ask me like that looking likethat?”
