My stomach flips, the excitement of seeing Ben tomorrow encompassing everything else. “That sounds great, Marcus. Chinese from the place next to campus?” I ask.
He nods. “Surprise me,” he replies, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He pulls out a few crisp bills, all neatly organized by denomination, and slides them into my hand. “Something with chicken, maybe?” His last test is tomorrow, I finished mine today. It makes sense he’d send me for food. Marcus returns to his contemporary desk by the floor-to-ceiling window of his condo and bends his head down to examine his text book and note cards.
I grab my oversized bag and sling it over my shoulder and lock his door with the key I keep on my key ring. We’re close to campus, so I rarely use my car. It stays in Marcus’ parking garage. His apartment is beautiful compared to the block cell dormitory I share with a nympho named Nancy Cartgrove. She squeals like a pig and peeps like a baby chick during intercourse and the noise cancelling headphones Marcus gifted me for my birthday aren’t strong enough to block out her sex life. Mostly I stay at Marcus’ apartment now. When his parents come to visit I have to hide my toiletries and empty my drawer.
Marcus says they’re liberal minded, accepting folks, but I’d never want them to think I wasthat kind of girl.I haven’t even told Ben about the relationship yet. At first it was mostly because I wasn’t sure if it was going to last, and now it’s because so much time has passed the awkwardness has reached a fever pitch. My phone chimes from inside my cavernous bag. I dig my cell out as I walk toward the restaurant, pausing every city block to wait for the crossing signals.
I’ll be able to pick you up tomorrow!The text from Ben reads. Butterflies invade my stomach again and I actually skip a little. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to get out of work early enough. The exclamation point tells me he’s just as excited. He never uses them.
Cars honk, and the cross light is still red. I tap back a quick message.I’m so excited!
A card shop with a bright pink sign outside flashes at me as if to signal divine intervention. Stopping, I peer in to check out the display of pop-up birthday cards. One immediately catches my eye and I run inside to buy it. I already sent him one on his actual birthday, but I don’t want to show up empty-handed.
I pick up the Chinese food, a few various dishes I know Marcus will like, and head back. He studies for another twenty minutes after I return, and we end up having to reheat our dinner in the microwave. The movie isn’t as funny as it was slated to be. One of those movies that shows all the funny parts in the previews. Memories distract me from the screen in front of me.
It’s a good thing the movie is a comedy, because in no time at all I’m smiling like a lunatic as I remember birthdays from my past. When I turned fourteen and the girls at school made fun of my flat chest, and pretty much everything else about me, Ben raided the girls’ locker room to put frosting inside their shoes. It was during the wedge clog phase. Ben was never very stealthy, and I remember being worried he’d be caught and would get in trouble.
That was a birthday he single-handedly turned around, by himself. My cell phone vibrates with a text in front of Marcus on the sleek coffee table.
Leaning over, I scoop it up quicker than I should have. The message reads,Don’t be shocked. I even washed the sheets on my bed.It’s from Ben, and my smile fades into a blush. My pale skin proves an awful, telling quality. There’s never any question if Harper is embarrassed.
“It’s Heidi,” I say, biting my tongue. The lie came too easily.
Marcus is laughing at the movie and shrugs. I’m unsure why I even told him who it was to begin with. Reporting to a man isn’t something I ever want to do.
“I have to use the restroom,” I say, because I obviously tell him way too much anyways.
Marcus nods, but doesn’t take his eyes off the TV, the blue light casting his face in shadows.
Shutting the door behind me, I sigh.That’s totally inappropriate. I’ll pack extra sheets for the sofa,I send back. My thumbs hover over the buttons to type more, but I hold back.
If you don’t think you can keep your hands off me, then do what you must,Ben replies.
Shaking my head, I laugh. The knock on the door makes me jump. “What are you laughing at, Harper?” Marcus asks, voice aimed at the doorjamb.
My heart leaps into my throat. “Nothing. I’ll be out in a second.” Slipping the phone into my back pocket, I turn on the sink and wash my hands. Marcus is waiting when I sling the door open, a small smile plastered on my face.
He unzips his jeans and lifts the toilet seat.
“I can Uber it tomorrow morning,” I say, trying to change the subject.
“I’ll bring you,” he replies, looking at me over his shoulder.
Smiling, I nod. “Is the movie over? I need to finish packing.”
“It’s paused. Go pack. We can finish watching it later,” he says.
I go into the bedroom and slide my phone out of my pocket, hitting the vibrate button before setting it on the dresser. I open the leather weekender and toss in a bottle of perfume. Marcus saunters in a few seconds later.
His eyes land on my cell phone. I swallow hard and a chill hits me. “Say goodbye to me properly?” I offer. “What do you say?” With a soft hand, I graze the side of my body and unbutton and unzip my jeans. His eyes follow my red fingernails.
He crosses to me, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me to his chest. When his lips hit my neck, the rush of fear is disguised by the pretense of lust. I can’t describe what he’s making me feel, but the way my nerves are frayed, I’d call it a near miss. Ben is joking, but his texts would seem like something more sinister to Marcus. It’s because I lied about my feelings for Ben and no one knows it but me. A dirty secret that will torture me for the rest of my life. It affects me even when I take away its power and call it friendship instead.
It’s the only logical explanation.
Marcus makes love to me slowly, languidly, and completely. I forget why I was uneasy in the first place. Still, after Marcus falls asleep, I go to the gym and chasse step and jazz square until I can’t breathe.
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