“Because you are so entwined with her you’ll never disentangle yourselves. I don’t want to be the interim wife you married to keep your intent pure just to have this crash and burn later on when you realize Harper is marrying someone else.”
Jealousy, heavy and green, enters my chest and forces my heart to beat quicker. Norah is right. She’s always right when it comes to Harper. “I love you. She can do what she likes. Can we get some sleep now?” I rub her stomach when the baby kicks.
“She’s awake. I can’t sleep when she’s beating on my ribs.”
I chuckle. “I guess I have you to thank for this deep, middle of the night, conversation, huh?” I say, lowering my voice for the baby. “Go to sleep, baby Robin. Let your Mommy get some rest.”
Norah laughs. “We haven’t decided on her name yet.” Pulling my face up to look at hers, she says, “One last thing.” It scares me when she looks this deep. It makes me feel like she can see inside my soul, like she knows all of the promises I give her are dependent on something neither of us can control.
“Huh?” I ask, swallowing hard.
“Don’t let me be the last to know. Not like last time. When you go back to Harper, give me some notice so I can prepare myself. Get my life together. For me and for her.” She rubs her stomach.
I grimace. “That’s sick. Don’t talk like that. How can you live like that? One foot in and out of the door. Both of my feet are here. With you. Our life.” I pat her belly for good measure.
Her eyes get glassy and it’s accentuated by the blue light pouring in the window. “Your heart is most definitely on the other side of the door. Feet don’t matter.”
She wiggles her cold toes against my legs and I jolt. I pull her into my arms and hug her close. Pressing a kiss on top of her head, I close my eyes. “I made the first right decision of my life the day I married you.” It’s not a lie. All those times in my past I could have had Harper are my cross to bear and it’s painful to watch Norah deal with my mistakes. “I love you guys.”
The fucking mirror catches my eye when I open my eyes. This isn’t a bottle of lotion prickling my skin, this is a motherfucking ghost haunting my soul. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll sing the lullaby Robin likes.”
Norah nods against my shoulder and sets her head on the pillow. I scoot down, so my feet are hanging off the bed, and sing the song I created for the baby. My voice is low and raspy, but she stops kicking as soon as the first verse is out.
Robin bird, Robin bird, I’ll sing to you so sweet.
You fly in the sky and you’re mine always to keep.
Robin bird, Robin bird, you were born to soar.
The clouds and the sun aren’t enough, you want more.
Robin bird, Robin bird, the stars and the moon are too far.
Stay with me here for a while, but always be who you are.
Robin bird, Robin bird, I’ll give you my all.
Robin bird, fly high. Soar free. Never fall.
“We can name her Robin,” Norah whispers into the dark.
Sliding back up to my pillow, I cradle her face in my hands. “Thank you.”
“I’ll be gone when you wake up,” she says, smiling. “I have to check on a patient at five a.m.”
“Sleep well,” I reply, kissing her forehead. “I’ll call you when I get up. I’m leaving for Arizona mid-morning.”
Norah nods, rolls over, sighs contentedly, and falls asleep in a matter of minutes.
++++
Tahoe is next to me, grumbling about his gun. Our Pelican Cases that contain all of our equipment are being loaded into our private plane. “Motherfucking thing isn’t sighted in properly.” He’s eyeing the scope.
“Looks like you won’t be killing anyone today,” I joke. We have multiple guns, but we all have a favorite. I’m at ease this morning—existing in the area of mental Harper blocks. “What are you thinking? Twenty-four hours tops?” I’d really like to be home for the weekend.
“Who knows? They said there could be a few quads,” he says, grinning.
I realize it’s quite wrong of me to be disappointed, because that means it will take longer, and I don’t even care. At this point, this is merely a job. One I enjoy for the moral benefits and the brotherhood. The excitement and thrill isn’t too shabby either.
