The Virginity Clause
Harper
“You’re not putting those balls inside me, Benny,” I say, voice cracking, gaze fixed on the silver orbs sitting on his palm.
Swallowing hard, he replies, “The article I read said it would get you…ready for sex.”
I won’t give him crap for reading articles. I did the same. I read one about the female orgasm seventeen times. It was in the back of one of my mom’s women’s magazines. How to cook a great baked chicken, what not to wear to a summer party, and how to have a mind-blowing orgasm. The content of women’s magazines is a mystery to me, though I was happy to glean at least a little information aside from the porn Gifs Ben sent me on a bi-weekly basis.
We’re at my house because I have a queen bed and Benny has a twin. The candles are lit on top of my desk and my parents are away for a business meeting. That’s all that’s required for this momentous occasion. We’re both eighteen—legal, consenting adults who want experience, and while I’m being so candid, we want each other.
Ben puts the balls down on the desk.
“I’m a virgin. That stuff is supposed to be for people with more experience. I doubt balls…well, those balls, are required for orgasms and good sex.” My voice warbles when I say the word sex and I realize just how nervous I actually am.
His chest heaves a few times. I grin, relaxing a touch. “You’re having a panic attack,” I joke. “You’re about to pass out and I’m going to have to resuscitate you instead of have sex with you.”
“Shut up!” Ben barks. “I can’t believe it’s happening, that’s all.”
“You invoked The Virginity Clause. If you’re not ready, that’s okay,” I say, meaning it. “I’ll wait for you.” Standing from my bed, my feet heavy like bricks, I approach him. He’s leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets. His gaze follows me as I approach. “Okay?”
Benny closes his eyes. “I’m afraid I’mtooready. Do you know how long I’ve wanted this? I want it to last forever. Not like…two minutes.”
I look to the left in thought. “Probably since you first peeked into the girl’s locker-room and saw Jenny Megly’s vagina?” I let my gaze wander back to his. We haven’t kissed since the treehouse, but after that there’s been a crackling tension between us neither of us can deny. A few months ago my mom asked if I was dating Ben because of the way we’d been looking at each other.
If she sees it, God knows everyone else must too. I won’t go so far as to say that the kiss changed things between us, but it surely made thingsmore. We know what it feels like. The desire. The emotions attached to the act rule our thoughts now.
Ben takes his hands out of his jeans pockets and sets them carefully on my shoulders. His hair is wet from a shower and it flops over one eye, on top of his glasses. I flick it out of the way. As if a reminder, he removes his glasses and sets them down. “I feel like you taking off your glasses shouldn’t be so sexy,” I say, laughing.
“That was sexy?” He smirks. “Wait until I take off your shirt.” Ben’s smile slips, and a carnal look replaces his mirth. My core clenches and desire floods my awareness. It’s more than want. I need him. Because he completes me in a way no one else can.
I lose my breath for a second and my heart races along with my thoughts. “I’ve wanted this with you since we kissed, Harper. If you had given any indication you wanted it, I would have stripped you down, kissed every square inch of your body and fucked you until you forgot you peed your pants in the treehouse when you were ten.”
“Your dirty talk in on point,” I remark, nodding firmly once. “Though you could have left out the pee. Pee isn’t very sexy.” Stepping forward, I’m in reaching distance. His back is still pressed against the wall. He reaches out and pulls me against his body.
Ben leans his forehead against mine. “I’m going to kiss you.”
“That’s a good place to start.”
“Is it a good place to finish, though?” Biting his lip, he swallows hard. He meant it as a joke, but it has the opposite effect right now. It stokes the flames inside me until I feel like I might explode if he isn’t inside me as soon as humanly possible.
Slowly he leans his chin up, and I do the same to match his mouth to mine. It’s a gentle peck, his lips barely parted, mine glossed to all hell in preparation for tonight. It’s marked on my calendar. I freeze the second his hands slide down to cup my ass. I’m wearing a cotton skirt that skims the back of my thighs. “It’s just an act. Remember that,” Ben whispers against my mouth.
“Just an act,” I repeat. I feel him hard against me, ready and willing. We’ve discussed every detail and we decided against using a condom. I went on birth control three months ago. We’re both virgins, so sexually transmitted diseases are off the table. We want our first time to be as perfect as it can possibly be. Skin on skin. Nothing separating us.
The weight of his hands leaves my back and he slides my shirt up and over my head. He brushes his knuckles against my bare skin as he goes and a tiny gasp leaves my mouth. I can’t catch my breath. “Touch me more,” I say. “That feels amazing.”
Ben grins and rubs his hands down my sides and slides my skirt off, touching everything as he goes. Stepping out of it, I’m left in my bra—fully exposed to him, willing to do whatever he wants. I’m basically panting, unable to concentrate on anything except the warm feeling flooding between my legs. Backing away, I tug on his hands to guide him to my bed. I’m fumbling and awkward as I remove his shirt and unfasten his pants. Ben likes it—his gaze lighting like fire as he watches my every move, taking it all in. I remind myself that’s what matters. Ben. Us. I sit on the edge of my bed as he towers over me, standing in between my knees.
“It’s just me,” he says when he sees my hands tremble on the edge of the band of his underwear.
“It’s just you,” I say, nodding. Looking up at him, I’m reaffirmed of everything I’ve always known about him. “It’s just me,” I whisper, pulling his underwear down.
“It’s only you. Always. Only you,” he returns, shaking his head.
I take off my bra after several seconds of Ben trying and failing to get it off and then he falls against me, lips and passion and this feeling in my stomach no one else gives me. There’s no regret or feelings that we may be making a mistake.
Ben is the only decision I’ve ever been sure of in my entire life. Giving myself to him is the culmination of a lifelong, forever love. Something I’ll never be able to give to anyone else.
