“This is my fault,” I say, nodding. “My photo caused this.” I stand, untangling myself from her. I run my hands through my hair and look at the ceiling. With Harper at my back I listen to her finish the story. She gives me the facts as detailed as she can in between sobs. She begs me not to tell her parents, and asks if she can stay with me for a little while. I answer immediately that she can without thinking about any repercussions. Without thinking about the woman in the other room.
“I called Marcus’ brother to let him know what happened and he’s going to come out and stay at our place for a while. Try to see if he can help him or…I don’t know. Be there for him. Marcus was sorry right away. I’d almost think it was an accident if…” Harper trails off.
“If what?” I spin to face her.
She swallows hard. “If I hadn’t been scared of him in the past, too. He’s been weird before and it’s worried me. Nothing like this, though. I don’t want you to think I’ll go back to him. I won’t, Ben. I never would have stayed with him this long if he’d shown these tendencies before now. It was always just words and tone.”
“And you stayed?” I ask, furrowing my brow. Her statement causes me physical pain. I palm my chest. Lowering my voice, I say, “You got weird vibes and you stayed with him instead of…” I trail off. My insides are coiling in regret. How easily could she have been led away if I had stayed my course in pursuing her in all ways. If I hadn’t taken no for an answer. If we’d embraced what we’ve had our entire lives.
She slams her eyes tight. When she opens them she’s gazing at my bedroom door with a pitiful look in her eye. “I know.” Is all she says. “The cops came and took our statements and because of my face, they took him away. Do you know what he said when they were putting him in the back of the cruiser?”
It’s rhetorical, because I can see her mind working. “He told me I could run to you so you can make it all go away—so you could make everything all better.”
“I’m going to kill him,” I say, my words cracking like kindling hitting fire. “String him up by his toes and bleed him until he’s dry.”
“He’s right, Ben.” Her voice shakes. Like the realization is just as bad as what he’s stolen from her.
I place my hands on my hips to keep from reaching out for her. “Nothing is right about him. Look what he did to you.” The distance is too much. She feels the same because she stands up as I approach and I fold her into my arms. The Harper well is filling. I breathe in her hair and tuck my face into the crook of her long neck. I kiss her there, where his fingerprints stained her creamy, delicate skin.
“You make it all better,” she whispers. It’s like we’re kids again and I’m helping her with her homework or playing pranks on the mean girls to make her smile. It’s not that easy anymore. Life is far more complicated than that.
I hear the bedroom door open as I’m pressing another kiss against Harper’s rapid pulse.
“Is everything okay out here? Harper? Are you okay?”
I don’t even pull away from the embrace. It’s that comforting—that satisfying, even given the horrendous circumstances. Let Norah see it all. She’s about to know everything anyway.
“Harper’s going to stay here for a bit,” I say as explanation.
++++
Norah comes through the front door pulling the last suitcase. Harper follows a second later with an armful of text books. She’s parked down the street in an alleyway to hide her car, and refuses to move it until she’s sure of his brother’s arrival. I wish he’d come to my house looking for her, but she’s a pacifist and I know I won’t win this argument today.
My anger is tempered by the fact that she’s here. More so than she’s ever been.
Harper heaves the texts down on a writing desk in the corner of my living room. “You don’t mind if I work here?” she asks Norah.
I finally have her where I’ve always wanted her…where she’s always wanted to be, and yet it took far more than it should have.
My girlfriend pats her back. Not in a condescending manner, but in a way that tells me she’s as good as I always assumed she was. “Work wherever you want. I don’t mind at all. It’s Ben’s house, after all.” They exchange polite smiles and my fraction of happiness fades as a new realization dawns. Norah might not possess the intuition to understand the severity of what’s happening. “Let me know if you need anything. I’m headed into work for a bit and I can swing by the store and pick up anything you want that Ben doesn’t have.” Norah glances at me, a small, sweeping smile lighting her face.
I back away, terrified of what this means, knowing exactly what I’ll need to do to her. In favor of agreeing with her or replying at all, I grab one of Harper’s bags, one I know is her bathroom stuff, and disappear into the hallway.
Norah pokes her head in, her brows raised. Clearing her throat, she says, “Harper didn’t need anything. I’ll leave you guys alone tonight. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about. She gave me the gist of it on the walk to her car.” Norah pauses, waiting to see if I’ll offer anything further. When I don’t, she whispers, “I can’t believe he did that.”
Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, I see a traitor. A coward of a man. A man who protects innocent people for a career, but couldn’t protect the person he loves the most in the entire world. “I know,” I say, voice low.
“Are you okay?” Norah asks, tilting my face to hers, using her soft, cold hand.
“I’m pissed, Norah. That’s all. Thank you for being so helpful, but you’re right. We have a lot to talk about tonight.”
She holds out both palms in my direction. “I won’t be in your way. Say no more.”
I scowl, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. “A month ago you were badgering me with questions about my feelings for her and now you’re okay with this?” Badgering is the wrong word, she merely asked, but I have a giant case of displaced anger.
She looks away from me, but steps forward and closes the door behind her. “You told me she’s your best friend and that’s never going to change. Fine. I decided to look at her like your best friend. If she were a man, there would be no issues, so I try to have no issues. Harper told me that you guys were always only going to be friends.”
My stomach sinks. “When did she say that?” I already know when, but I don’t want to talk and I need time to compose my thoughts.
