When she’s done, I sit up, bring my fingers to my lips, and suck them clean. I honestly thought I’d made it up in my head. How good she tasted. I thought I’d inflated the memory of her, because I was torturing myself for not being able to have her. But she’s as delicious as I thought she was.
“I hate you.” She pushes at my chest and scrambles off the bed.
“I know. But your pussy sure doesn’t feel the same way.” I smirk and duck when a vase comes barreling towards my face.
“You’re an asshole!” she yells at me. “And for your information, I’ve had better.”
I’m off the bed and pressing her up against the wall in an instant. “Take it back,” I grunt. Like fuck has she had better. I took her virginity three years ago. I once told her I was going to be her first and her last. There wasn’t supposed to be anyone between.
“No,” she says, holding her ground. “You’re not going to hurt me. Stop pretending like you will.” She shoves at my chest again as she tries to get past me.
My arm snakes around her waist, and I hold her close. “You’re right. I’m not going to hurt you physically. But there are more ways than one to punish someone, Antonia.”
“You can’t possibly hurt me any more than you already have, Carlo.”
There it is.The hurt, the heartbreak I caused. She still feels it, which means she still loves me.
“I didn’t just hurt you, Antonia. I hurt us. And I’m sorry. You will never know how truly sorry I am that I had to do that,” I tell her.
“What?”
“I said I was sorry.” I let go of her.
“No, you saidyou had to do it. What does that mean?” she asks me.
“Nothing. Come on, let’s get your shit so we can go. I can’t leave Jazzy with Charlotte for too long or she’ll come home with a Southern accent.” I start opening drawers and pulling out clothes absentmindedly, because I’ve said too much.
I can’t tell her what really happened three years ago, or why I had to make her hate me. If I do, I’ll just be breaking her heart all over again.
Chapter Ten
The light comes through the windows. I pull the covers up over my head and roll onto my side to find I’m alone in the bed. The spot next to me… empty, cold, and unslept on. It’s been like this all week. He never sleeps here. In this room with me.
Again, I’m torn between relief and disappointment. I don’t actually want him here, but I think a small part of me wants himtowantto be here. He hasn’t touched me since that day in my bedroom at my father’s house. He made me come so effortlessly. And I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
My body is a traitor. I can’t control it. My head, though? It’s smart. It’s telling me to stay far away from Carlo. Which is something I’ve been trying to do. Although it’s no easy feat when I’m stuck in this penthouse or followed by his men when I do try to go out.
We eat meals together, mainly breakfast and dinner. After breakfast, he takes Jazzy down to his office on the ground floor of the casino, and I don’t see either of them again until dinner.
Whenever I offer to help or do anything for Jazzy, Carlo glares at me and tells meno. So I stopped trying. I don’t want to be her mother, but if the kid asks for a drink, I’m not going to ignore her either. With the way Carlo reacts, though, you’d think I was child services, about to take her away from him if I so much as fill a glass of water.
I can see how much he loves her. He wants to be a father to her, the kind neither of us was lucky enough to have. I get that. But I honestly think he needs to accept help too. He lets his friends hang out with her, even leaves her with Lailani when he has to go out at night.
It’s a weird dynamic, and certainly not what I thought I was getting into when I stood in that church. Also, it’s not horrible. Which I’m grateful for. It’s just… lonely.
I get out of bed and walk into the bathroom. I need to shower and get ready for school. I’m going back today. I took the week off so that it at least appeared like I was enjoying my newlywed status. In our world, appearances are everything.
After showering, I carefully apply a face full of makeup. I don’t know why but I want to look perfect. I guess the makeup is almost like a mask, a façade I put up so nobody sees the truth.That I’m not happy. That although I escaped one gilded cage, I’ve just landed myself in another.
The apartment is quiet when I walk out. Usually, Carlo and Jazzy are cooking up a storm in the kitchen, but it’s empty. There’s a note on the counter.
Antonia,
Took Jazzy out for breakfast. There’s food in the fridge.
Carlo
Well, okay then. Guess it’s just me. Whenever I feel sad or lonely or like I want Carlo to want me around more than he does, I force myself to remember the scene I walked in on three years ago.
