“Saving a life.”
I draw in a breath, not even sure how to label all the emotions swirling around me.“Humbling,” is the one I finally pick.
“Yeah, humbling—I agree.”He takes another dish.“A million times better than when you fail to save someone.”
I stop washing dishes for a moment, the weight of his words pressing in on me.
“God, I’m not prepared for that inevitability,” I confess.
“Yeah, you never are.No matter how many times it’s happened.Blaze takes it the worst of any of us.He’s got a rescuer complex, you know?”
My scalp starts to tingle with some awareness I don’t want to have.
“Yeah, I’ll bet,” I manage to say.
“Once we were putting out this fire.The neighbors were yelling that there were kids in there.We went in through the upstairs window.”He just shakes his head, like he can’t go on.
I don’t want to ask, but I still do.“It was too late?”
“Yeah.Six kids.All lying there on the floor.Blaze didn’t speak for two weeks.”
“Does he—” I swallow.I both want and don’t want this information.“He has kids of his own?”
Scott makes a dismissive sound.“Not really.The kid isn’t his.That was another rescue mission of sorts.He started dating this pregnant woman.He supported her through the whole thing—coached her through the birth, stayed up all night with the crying baby, changed diapers, took care of the little girl on his days off.He played full-on daddy to that little girl.And then when things get easier and the kid is a preschooler, the bitch dumps him and goes back to the baby-daddy.”
I want to hurl my dinner.The story is upsetting on more than one level.To think of strong, solid Blaze getting used hurts.But I can’t stop my brain from stuttering on the wordsanother rescue mission.
Is that what I am to him?
The thought nauseates me.Everything that had been sexy and fun becomes a dark, twisted mess.Am I a project for Blaze?A girl crying for help?
How could I ever let myself be so debased?Me—the tough girl.
Blaze
I hangup the phone and tap my pen on the station desk.It’s done.I’ve arranged for Lia to take a leave of absence for a certification course in fire forensics.
When I called the battalion chief a couple days ago, I was certain it was a good idea, but now, after Lily’s birthday party, I’m having misgivings.Am I getting too involved again?Diving into someone else’s life and making it my own?
What if she thinks I’m too controlling, too involved, just toomuchlike Samantha accused me of being?
And it pisses me off I’m even thinking about Samantha.She was a mistake.
Lia’s different.
At least I think she is.
But will she see my attempt to support her as interference?
I sigh.There’s only one way to find out.It’s almost the end of our shift and I need to post the upcoming work shifts.
I pick up the schedule for the next two weeks and pin it up in the hallway just outside the office door.“Schedule’s posted,” I yell to no one in particular.
Rocket, Scott and Lia wander out.
I take refuge behind my desk, bracing myself, waiting for the inevitable question.Fuck, I should’ve talked to Lia about this plan privately first.How will I mention my plan that she move in with me while she’s training?
What was I thinking?
