And it’s not the only thing I can’t offer him...
He probably feels cheated, led on.
“Look, I’m sorry. I know I’m not what you expected or wanted. It was something Ineededto explore, even knowing that I would never feel what I was supposed to. But I wanted to see if I could feel its impact differently, maybe in thrill, emotions, or...fuck. I don’t know. I just knew I wouldn’t trust anyone but you to explore this with. I’m sorry I led you on and disappointed you,” I blurt out in one breath.
I’m pressed back in my seat as he slams his foot on the gas, driving furiously toward the outskirts of Queenscove.
“Jeez, no need to kill me. Just drop me off and you won’t have to deal with me again,” I say, rolling my eyes. But disappointment and regret riddle me.
His hand lands on my thigh in a bruising grip, pulling my attention to him. “I’m taking you to your house because I know you’ll be more comfortable in your own space after tonight. Otherwise, I wouldn’t hesitate to take you to mine and never fucking let you go. Ever.”
My eyes bulge. Is he for real?
“But I can’t be what you want, Carter.”
“And what do you think I want?” he asks.
“Someone who canplaywith you and give you what you need—pain. Physical and mental reactions to it. I will never be that.”
He shakes his head, driving like a madman through the quieter streets as we near the outskirts. “No. You will never be that.”
His words hit me straight in the chest.
“Because you are different. So much more than all the women before you.”
Umm . . . what?
“You think you’re not what Ineed,but you are exactly that. My life, this game, has become repetitive. Dull. But you, kitten, you revived it all. You throw me off my game completely. You intrigue me. You have no limit. Well, you do, but I can’t tell what it is, and now I have to be the one to find it for you. You’ve made everything so much more interesting than I ever thought it could be.”
Christ, this is dangerous. So fucking dangerous. Because his words imply so much permanence between us. A constant, recurring presence in each other’s lives, long-term. And it fucking terrifies me.
“Then why do you look so mad about it all?” I ask.
“Because I could have hurt you badly. Much more than I ever intended, and neither of us would have had any idea. Fuck, Scarlet, it could have been really bad if I didn’t notice that something was off.”
“So...you’re mad because you could have hurt me, in a scenario where the intention was exactly that.”
Tires screech as the car comes to a stop in front of my gate.When the hell did we cross all this distance?He waits for me to press in a code, then drives in. The metal gate closes behind us.
“Hurt, Scarlet, not maim. Not permanently damage.Not. Fucking. Kill.” He parks next to my house. He kills the engine, climbs out of the car, and walks to my side before I get a chance to react.
As he opens the door and guides me out, his words linger in the air between us.
“You’re not an enemy I was looking to torture, regardless of the punishment you told me you wanted,” he says. “Whatever I was doing to you, it’s meant to be pleasure bred of pain. Controlled. Enjoyable, even in its darkness.”
He walks toward my house, then stops by the front door and waits for me to unlock it before he waltzes right in like he owns the place. He doesn’t wait, doesn’t pause. He just goes straight to my living room as if he knows exactly where it is.
“Control,” I mutter, ignoring the voice in my head that screams at me to ask him why he’s so comfortable in my home when this is his first time here.
“Yes. All of this is about control.”
“Whydoyou do it? Go to Metamorphosis and dominate these women?”
He settles into my sofa, resting his ankle over his knee as he spreads his arms over the back of it. His eyes remain on me as I grab a joint, light up, and take a seat on the armchair to his right.
“Mental release. The silence that comes after exerting this control. In my line of work, I let loose, I carve and slice with no restrictions or consequences. But there...the restraint, the rules, the hold the subs have on me. These things give me the structure that I need after drawing so much blood and inflicting all that suffering.”
“And how do I fit in there?” I ask, drawing in a long puff of smoke.
