“I’m sorry, I can only imagine how hard it’s been for you,” I reply back sarcastically but hold back what I really want to say to her.Fuck you, Diana.“Payne was never supposed to find me, I don’t know how he did so fast.” For a split-second, I fear that Cruz is coming for me next but push that thought aside.
He would have shown up when Payne did, right beside him. He doesn’t know where I am… I have to believe that. I’d already be chained up somewhere within his grasp if he knew I was here. Sweat gathers at my nape and my hands slightly shake because if Cruz ever finds me… Payne is going to look like a walk in the park compared to that sociopath.
“Payne was always thinking he sat on a pedestal. I should have never answered the door when you showed up. I knew my past would catch up with me eventually,” Diana whispers and flicks her hand like she’s putting it all behind her.
Just that simple for her.
It hurts. God does it hurt. At least I had Doris as somewhat of a mother figure. She taught me to not cave, to never back down even when men knocked me down, and that men should fall at my feet one day. Use your brain and the body God blessed you with.
Tears gather in the corners of my eyes before I blink them away. I miss Doris. She was always there when I needed someone. She knew I didn’t belong at that club. I wonder if she knew who my real father was?
“Who is my father?” I blurt out before I lose my nerves, needing to know and at the same time scared of the answer.
Diana’s teacup trembles in her hand moments before she slams it on the coffee table as she glares at me. Her gaze doesn’t stay on me long before she looks over my shoulder as if she can’t stand to see my face.
“I was young and stupid,” she begins, playing with a small mark on the inside of her elbow but quickly pulls her hand away when she notices me watching.
She was hooked on heroin. I would recognize the marks anywhere. I used to serve the needles on trays back at the Demon Jokers’ club.
“I grew up in a household that, well, wasn’t this.” She gestures around, indicating the lavish lifestyle she’s made happen for herself. “My parents were drunks and never cared what I did. So, when an older, handsome guy on a motorcycle gave me attention, I took it without looking back. I ran away from home and it was fine at first. I was so naive and foolish. I just wanted to be loved and I thought that Payne was the love of my life.” She pauses with a deep breath and looks me deep in my eyes, the color reflecting that of my own.
“You saw his true colors,” I state in a low voice. I can only imagine what he did to her to make her so afraid of him, to run away in the middle of the night and never look back.
“That’s an understatement. He put on a believable act for a while but eventually, small signs started showing that something wasn’t right with him. He wanted me to take drugs, be at his beck and call. He treated me like his prized pet. I learned that it wasn’t love but obsession. Everything I wanted went away just like before until the man I had an affair with came into the picture. He showed me such kindness. I mean, he was still in a business that had bad people but he had soft spots that drew me in.” She clears her throat and reaches for her cup.
I find it hard to breathe. This is it. I’m terrified of what she’s going to say. I think deep down I already know who he was but I need to hear the words out loud.
“Who?” I rasp out, my whole body starting to shake.
“My punishment was for loving him and Payne never knew who but I’m guessing he found out the older you got. You look so much like Rig,” Diana says so softly as she meets my gaze but her words suddenly sound like I’m under water. The world around me grows dark and I feel alone, as if she’s not even in the room sitting across from me.
I distantly hear deep, wheezing gasps, and a sob of a broken heart.
My world tilts as I climb to my feet in a daze, walking past Diana who doesn’t say another word. Or maybe she does but I can’t hear her over the sobbing. My eyes blur and it hurts to breathe. Stumbling into the kitchen, I keep walking until I find myself in the garage. The sound of sobbing followed me out here, but now it sounds louder, more frantic. It’s like I can’t escape it. I touch my fingers to my face and they come away wet. Why are my cheeks wet? It takes me a second longer to realize that I’m the one making those awful noises.
Rig.
I grab a fistful of my hair and scream before picking up the nearest object to me. The wrench sails through the air and smashes into an expensive car windshield but I couldn’t care less. I want to punch, kick, and break anything in my path. I need an outlet. I need to leave right now before I fall to the garage floor and decide to never get back up. My gaze connects to Logan's crotch rocket in the far corner of the garage. I run past all the ridiculously expensive cars and don’t stop until I’m swinging my leg over his bike while backing it out of the garage door. His keys are still inside the engine and I send a silent prayer that at least I have this moment. I peel so fast out of the driveway that it leaves black marks and smoke billowing out behind me.
With no destination in mind and no helmet, I feel reckless but don’t give a shit. The same question keeps going around and around in my head, the answer I’ve been looking for since I was sixteen.
Why?
Why did Rig leave?
Why did he leave me behind?
I take a corner too sharp and my knee skims against the asphalt hard enough to tear my jeans but I quickly straighten out and concentrate on the road once more. Or at least as best as I can under the circumstances. Did Rig not want me? Did he know I was his daughter? He had to. Never once did I feel like I wasn’t loved in his presence. He took care of me until one day he didn’t.
Where is he?
Is he still even alive?
Oh God. Payne knew. He knew about Rig.
My breath stalls and it hurts so bad, like I’ll never be able to draw in another proper breath without it being painful. Driving dangerously isn’t helping, I need a different outlet where I can get lost. It feels like I’ve been driving aimlessly for hours, I don’t even know what part of town I’m in. By the looks of things, it’s not the best area with buildings looking like they're falling apart and I’m pretty sure I just passed a hooker on the corner street. I see a bright pink neon sign ahead and speed up without a second thought until I’m pulling into the parking lot. It’s a shitty parking lot with potholes and a building that has no windows, only a solid, black door.
It doesn’t matter that it’s the afternoon. Strip clubs will always have people coming and going at all hours of the day. The heavy door slams shut behind me, and it takes my eyes a second to adjust to the low lights and strobe lights flashing around the stage, making it easy to see the few men crowded around the platform. The smell of cheap alcohol, sweet perfume, and sex fills the air. A sad, familiar presence of the atmosphere makes my shoulders inch down a notch from their present tightness. It’s really fucking pathetic that of all places, I feel more comfortable here because I’m used to this. Greed, lust, and more greed. It brings back the memories of the first time I stepped foot in the strip club the Demon Jokers owned.
