Tillie eyes her suspiciously but finally sits down with her back ramrod straight, completely uncomfortable. Nodding my head at Tey, he follows me so we can catch up with Logan and Franco. Crazy fucker is whistling under his breath and I can’t help but roll my eyes at the excitement he has radiating off him in waves. Looks like we both won’t be bored for a while.
Fuck. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I’m annoyed with having her here. She’s a distraction that I can’t seem to pull my gaze away from. Her eyes tell you exactly what she’s thinking.
Shaking my head, I step through the office door and lean against the bookcase that lines the room with a clear view of the whole space. Logan sits in the chair on the other side of his dad’s desk while Tey strolls over to the floor to ceiling windows and gazes outside. I notice a small bulge in Tey’s pocket and have to stifle a chuckle. My eyes must deceive me because that’s not his dick, I would know, I stare enough as it is. He’s carrying around that stuffed unicorn animal again. He’s bounced around from house to house in all of L.A. but the one thing that’s always been with him is that damn unicorn he found. I think it adds to his craziness and if anyone gives him shit about it, I’ll silence them.
“Right. I’m getting straight to the point boys. I want eyes and ears on that girl, if my hunch is right we might not need to worry about anything. Nicky, I’m going to give you some names and tell me everything you can find on them.” Franco leans back in his desk chair, steepling his hands together as he eyes us. “Have you heard of the Jokers in Nevada?”
I suck in a sharp breath because no way in hell does that delicate flower have any relations with that motorcycle gang. If I had a daughter, she wouldn’t even be in the same county as those lowlife backstabbers. In the underground crime world, you come to know who is who, and let’s just say the President of that club is fucked up in the head. I’ve heard stories, brothers against brothers, the way they treat women and children reminds me of my own father. It’s just not possible.
“What about them?” Logan asks, clenching the armrests on his chair even though his face is stoic.
“Tillie is owned by that club and until I know more, that she wasn’t sent here as a spy or to cause chaos in my business, you four will be keeping a close eye on her at all times. From the moment she wakes up in the morning to when she goes to sleep, I mean it. Go buy her some clothes for tomorrow and don’t fuck this up, boys.” Franco glances at Logan meaningfully and shakes his head in exasperation when we hear a loud cry coming from the front of the house.
Without another word, he strides out of his office and leaves us deep in thought.
“Dalton is going to shit his pants. Shall we head over to his place to fill him in on the game we’ll be playing with my pet?” Tey asks, rubbing his hands together before throwing an arm over my shoulder as we head out.
I usually live for the dull moments in my life, to find some inner peace in the chaos but I have a feeling that’s all going to end and it’s all because of the girl with brown eyes that penetrate my soul.
Tillie
The silence is getting to me, I’ve been sitting in front of mymotherfor five solid minutes after the guys left the room. She keeps staring at me like I’ve risen from the grave and come to haunt her.
“So…” I start, squirming on the overly comfortable couch and darting my gaze towards the front door.
The nagging feeling that I’ve made a mistake coming here grows. I’m not afraid physically, but mentally I feel like I’m spiraling down a dark hole that I might not be able to climb out of. Cruz had hidden his true self behind a mask for a long time before his true colors came through but these guys don’t hide anything. The aura of danger surrounds them, you can tell how their demeanor is with the way they hold themselves and the slightly crazed assholes enjoy it. Logan has been point blank with me, told me how it is, even if he’s being an ass. The man may have big dick energy, which I can now confirm by the sore ache between my thighs but God, he’s such an asshole! As for Tey… I can’t really describe him, but oddly enough I find him sweet even if he carries a knife in his boot. And lastly, Nicky, who wouldn’t stop glaring at me with his almond shaped emerald eyes. I felt burned to a crisp under his intense gaze. The guy confuses me, how deadly still he was but didn’t miss a thing in the room. This whole experience has turned my normal routine upside down. I’m used to walking on my toes, waiting for the next beating but with these people, if they wanted me to be dead… I’d already be dead. It’s just a gut feeling I’ve learned to follow over the years, you get used to the difference between seeing how a sociopath works or if that person is just damaged inside and out. That doesn’t mean I’ll be walking around without looking over my shoulder. The threat was loud and clear. I'm not trusted. I don’t know what they think I did but I shouldn’t be here in the first place. Diana clearing her throat causes me to jump, so lost in my thoughts, and focus back on her.
“You aren’t supposed to be alive,” she blurts out, patting down her fake blonde hair in a nervous gesture.
I don’t- can’t decide how to even answer that. My life has been a shit show, it wasn’t the worst until after Uncle Rig disappeared. Did I ever think about what it would be like if I wasn’t here anymore? To just be no more? Of course, I’ve been tempted to just take the easy way out but my life couldn’t be just misery. The thought makes me angry… no, completely furious.
“And why the hell would you think that? You know nothing of my life and what I’ve been through. I’m a fucking survivor! This was a mistake, coming here.” My chest was tight, making it difficult to breathe and I realized the symptoms I was having could only be one thing, an oncoming panic attack.
Everything was just too much. The thought of Lorrie really not being my birth mom… and this lady in front of me, who looks put together when her daughter was out there slowly dying each day, sends me over the edge. Not to mention I let my wings spread with my asshole of a stepbrother. Will nothing really surprise me anymore? I don’t give a shit about Franco’s warning, I’m not a prisoner. Never again. As soon as I can breathe normally again, I’m out of here. My head was suddenly pushed between my knees. I inhaled deep breaths and noticed the quiet sob next to me that somewhat helped me focus on something else.
“That came out wrong. I’m sorry. I meant that I didn’t know you were alive. It’s a long story and I really want you to hear me out before you consider leaving, Til,” Diana whispers brokenly, her hand smoothing up and down my back in an attempt to comfort me.
I jerk away from the small touch before she can feel my scars, and put some space between us. A soft whisper in the back of my mind tries to break through. An edge of darkness, I think it’s the gentle touch that I’ve never received that brings the past trying to break free.
“W-what do you mean?” I stutter out, trying desperately to focus on anything that isn’t broken in my mind.
“Eighteen years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that stole my heart the moment she looked at me with big, brown eyes. I became a mama that day, but the only remaining piece of my heart broke then too.” She pauses, her gaze faraway before focusing back on me with tears in her eyes. “I like to think you were sent to me when my life was so hopeless, a brightness in a place filled with such darkness...” Her voice trails off in a whisper, tears trailing down her face that looks so much like mine but older.
This is hard to wrap my head around. It was drilled into my head that Lorrie was my mom ever since I could remember. Even Uncle Rig would never deny who my mom was when I asked him a long time ago. I knew at a young age that she wasn’t mother material when she would call me a worthless waste of space. I didn’t know why she would treat me that way but it kind of makes sense now… I was never hers from the beginning.
“Uncle Rig, why does my mom hate me?” I asked around a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly as we sat outside on the picnic table.
Uncle Rig always seems to know when I’m starving, even comes to get me to go get ice cream sometimes. When I’m bigger than eight years old, old enough to make my own meals, I won’t have to have anyone to look after me. I’ll be a grown up, life will be easier. I guess Uncle Rig can stick around to get me ice cream sometimes too, I’ll always need him.
“Your mother would never hate you. If she knew… she loves you with everything inside of her. One day, she’ll show you if you just give her time. For now, you have me to love the shit out of ya, kid,” Uncle Rig says, ruffling my hair, and laughing at my jelly filled grin.
“Why would you leave me to that monster if you knew I was there?” The small whisper leaves my mouth without thinking about it, my body shaking from the shock.
“Your birth was a difficult one. I didn’t have nurses to help me, only the club’s Doc as I gave birth to you on the pool table in the compound. Hours of struggling, bleeding, you finally appeared in my arms. I was exhausted, could barely keep my eyes open but I got to hold you for what felt like seconds. You gripped my finger with your tiny hands, so strong that I knew you would be okay. Everything was ripped away from me when Payne and Doc took you to be looked after. That night, Til, I was told you died from complications. I couldn’t believe it, you were just in my arms and then you were gone. A piece of me died that night. I was so weak, tired, that I just became a shell of myself. Days passed and I never came out of my bedroom, wishing I was anywhere but there. It was too much and Payne carried on like he always did. I was as good as dead and that’s when I left without a backwards glance.” She reaches out to grip one of my hands tightly, her gaze flickering between mine, begging for me to understand.
“I still don’t get it. Why would Payne tell you I was dead? He never wanted me there, he passed me around…” I trail off, lost in my memories, and nearly jump out of my skin when Diana cries out as if in pain.
Her shoulders are hunched, crying openly over our clasped hands as she rocks back and forth. Franco comes storming around the corner, his lips in a tight line as he wraps an arm around Diana, helping her off the couch.
