He was figuring it out, but I felt myself blushing, remembering our one night together in my bedroom. “Well, until recently, I hadn’t. I couldn’t risk it. But now, I find myself doubting if the protection of my mask was enough, and some of my partners knew of my identity.”
“Lucy, I’m sure none of them knew,” he tried to reassure me. “You and I have a history. It might not be the best history, but I’d know you anywhere.”
“Anywhere?” I challenged.
“Anywhere,” he confirmed. “I will say, I was surprised to learn you were a submissive. You didn’t strike me as the type.”
“Yeah, well, I guess years of conditioning to obey couldn’t be undone and leaked into my sex life. But honestly? Down there, my submission is a choice, not an expectation. There was something so liberating about handing over that power to another human being and trusting them explicitly to take care of you. The feeling was out of this world, and the club became my safe space—a place where I could be myself and not fear the repercussions from the outside world. You know what it’s like. The stigma attached to the things we enjoy. My reputation would be torn to shreds if anyone ever found out.”
“I canceled my membership,” Preston blurted out.
The weight of his admission settled in my gut, and it was heavy. He was committed to what we were required to build together, and the past month had shown he was willing to wait for me to be ready. I wasn’t there yet.
Softly, I stated, “I don’t know how to move forward.”
“I’m still the same guy from the club.” The look in his hazel eyes stole my breath. He was practically pleading with me to give him a second chance.
“Yeah, but you’re also the guy I’ve hated most of my life. I don’t know how to reconcile the two.”
“We just keep doing this. We take our time. There’s no rush.”
“Our wedding is in less than eight months, Preston.” I couldn’t keep the sharp bite of cynicism from my voice.
“So what? Who says we have to be madly in love by the time we walk down the aisle? I’m content to continue taking baby steps.We make the rules when it comes to our relationship. No one else. Just us.”
I wanted to believe him, but I was jaded. He’d lied to me before. And if the night he broke down my door was any indication, he wouldn’t tolerate my attitude. If he pushed me too fast, I might pull away completely. My entire life was on the line, and I could lose everything if I let him get too close.
My sense of self-preservation won out, and I thanked him for dinner before retreating to my room once more. Most of our conversations ended this way, with me running when it got tough and him letting me go without question.
Would this ever get any easier?
Chapter 23
Lucy
“It’s so good tobe home.” I sighed.
Preston raised an eyebrow at me. “You are a walking contradiction, do you know that? You’re chomping at the bit to escape these walls, claiming you can finally breathe in Milan, yet you’re glad to be home?”
He was right. We landed in Remhorn barely an hour ago, and it wasn’t so much that I missed the life I led here but the people I cared about within the palace walls. No matter where my life took me, this place would always be home.
Brushing him off as he brought our carry-ons inside the apartment before closing the door, I moved toward the stairs, asking over my shoulder, “You want me to have dinner brought up?”
“Sure, sounds good.” I heard his voice behind me as I climbed the stairs, ready to decompress for the evening before diving headfirst back into public engagements and the pre-weddingmadness with only a month to go before Amy and Liam tied the knot—this time, for the world to see.
Reaching the landing, I turned into our open master suite, dropping my purse on the coffee table. I was about to plop onto the couch when I felt Preston so close behind me that the hairs stood up on the back of my neck with awareness.
“Looks like someone fixed the door.” The hot kiss of his breath caressed the shell of my ear.
A shiver ran down my spine at his closeness, and I started to lean into him when I remembered why my door needed to be replaced. Jolting to my senses, I spun to face him, taking two giant steps backward, pointing a finger at Preston. “Don’t even think about it.”
Feigning innocence, he stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans, rocking back on his heels. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I could feel my body vibrating with the memory of what he could do to my body. Mentally berating my traitorous body, I tried to calm my racing heart. “I’m not kidding, Preston.”
Stepping forward in a silent dare to see if I would retreat again, he smirked when he realized I was rooted to the spot. My brain screamed at my body to move, but I couldn’t make it obey. Leaning down, he dropped a kiss on my forehead, and I closed my eyes against the overwhelming rush of feelings such a deeply intimate act caused.
Reminding myself I still wasn’t ready, I opened my mouth to verbally push him away when I heard him behind me, declaring, “I’m going to take a shower.”
