"Just your average eighteen-year-old away at school with no parental restrictions, not that I'd had a lot of restrictions, even during high school. My parents were too busy with the younger kids."
"I have a feeling you didn't go too crazy."
"What about you?"
"I went to community college for two years and then Long Beach State, but I was taking care of Landon, so no party scene for me." She paused. "Did your party scene include a lot of pretty girls? Did you have a college girlfriend?"
"A couple. Nothing serious."
"And more recently?" She knew she should not be asking such personal questions, but she wanted to know everything about him.
He gave her a thoughtful look. "Why so interested?"
"I'm just making conversation. You don't have to answer."
"I had a two-year relationship in my mid-twenties, before I went into the FBI. She was a free-spirited travel photographer, and she wanted to spend a year going around the world. I didn't want to follow her. But I was tired of my financial job, and I was already thinking about the FBI, so it was a natural breaking point for us."
"No broken hearts?"
"Not for either of us. Your turn."
"I hardly dated until Landon went to Westbridge. After that, I moved to Santa Barbara for my first reporting job. It was a young scene, a lot of grad students where I lived, and I had a couple of short-term relationships, nothing serious."
"And in the last six years?"
"I didn't see anyone the first two years after Landon died. I buried myself in my new job and never went out. Eventually, I went on some dates, but there hasn't been anyone I wanted to work less for. I was kind of using that as a barometer. Would I rather be at work, or would I rather go on a date? And, honestly, it probably wasn't any of them who were the problem; it was me. I have been hurt a lot, and I don’t like to get too close or too deep. Casual and fun is fine, but intense emotions…those are scary."
He nodded, a gleam of understanding in his eyes. "It's much easier to risk your life than your heart. Or at least, it has been for me."
"Yeah, me, too. Not that I'm in the habit of risking my life, as you are, but I do take professional risks, and I never have a second thought about it. I've written articles that could cost me my job, but I just stormed forward, throwing caution to the wind. I never worried about consequences." She gave a helpless shake of her head. "I don't know why I'm such a coward in my personal life."
"It seems like you just haven't met the right person."
"I guess not. Same for you, huh?" She knew they were treading into dangerous territory, because there was a simmering attraction between them that was getting hotter by the minute. In fact, what was left of her ice cream had already melted. She set her bowl on the coffee table. "We should change the subject."
"Okay," he said, also probably sensing that they were getting too deep. "You've talked a lot about your family, but I wanted to ask you…what happened to your mother? Is she still alive?"
"I think I'd rather go back to talking about my nonexistent dating life," she said dryly.
"We can do that. I was just curious."
"I don't know if she's alive. I haven't seen her since I was eighteen and Landon was thirteen."
"What about when Landon died?"
"I had no way of telling her. I didn't know where she was."
"Did your great-aunt know where she was?"
"She said she didn't. Frankly, I don't think she wanted to know, either. My mother brought a lot of trouble and drama with her."
He gave her a searching look. "Are you telling me you couldn't find her? You, who found Alanna and AJ before I did?"
"I didn't find her because I didn't look. I didn't see the point. It's not like we were going to console each other. But I have to admit that over the years whenever the phone rang in the middle of the night, I thought someone was going to tell me she was dead. But the one call I got was about Landon, and that one I never imagined."
"I'm sorry, Haley.
She shrugged. "It was what it was. I didn't win the lottery with parents, but I did with my brother. He was such a great kid, super smart but also hilarious in a geeky kind of way, and very kind. I loved him so much. I have to find out what happened to him, Matt. I just have to."
