Edie’s thoughts spiralled at Finn’s words. She knew she needed to say something but the only words she could think were ‘I’m pregnant’. And she couldn’t tell him that. Not yet.
Oh, Finn, why couldn’t we have met at a different time?
But thoughts of Mary and Anna filled up her mind too. Finn was offering a chance for Anna to be part of a family if she lost her mum. Could she, Edie, be the one to take this away? Anna had grown so fond of her over the last few weeks, and the feeling was reciprocated. Maybe shecoulddo this. Maybe she could join up with Finn and provide Anna with a stable home. Sheinhaled deeply and looked back at Finn.
“Okay,” she whispered.
His face lit up.
“Really?” he asked.
“But Finn,” she continued. “This is for Mary and Anna. We can’t think of the adoption as being for us because that puts too much pressure on our relationship and it’s only just beginning. We can’t use this for our own advantage.”
Finn chewed the inside of his cheek as Edie watched him process her words. This was truly one of the most difficult conversations she had ever had.
“But Edie,” Finn said, eventually. “This can never be a truly altruistic act. We need towantto adopt young Anna for ourselves as well as for her and Mary.”
He had a good point and Edie had to concede the fact.
“That’s true, Finn,” she said, sighing. “But you have to hear me out for a few more minutes. There are things about me that I haven’t told you. Things that may change your mind about how you feel about me. They may stop you loving me. So, we need to make a pact between us, first and foremost, that whatever happens between us, we will always put Anna before this relationship. That’s what I meant about it not being for us.”
The face Finn was pulling made Edie wonder if he hadn’t really thought this through. But his words said otherwise.
“Okay, as long as you know that there are some things I haven’t told you about me, either. Important things that may make you feel differently about me, too. But no matter what you tell me about yourself, Edie, you will never change the way I feel about you.”
What else could he not have told me?Edie thought.Surely, it can’t be as big as my announcement.
Edie felt her stomach churning like a cement mixer.
“Okay, so what do we do from here on in? What’s the next step? With Anna, I mean, not us. Who knows where we go in the small baby steps of our relationships that have now led us to agreeing to adopting a child together?”
The tension in the air was cut as they both burst out laughing. It was a ridiculous idea, but it was an idea that they were actually going to carry out.
“Okay, we first off make a pact that once we have spoken to Mary and Anna, we sit down properly and have the discussion around our relationship. Because I am so thrilled that you called it a relationship. Even though you may have made it a moot point with the addendum of laughing about it,” Finn joked, and he stood up from his seat and held an arm out for Edie to take.
She rose up and instead of slipping her hand through his arm, she wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him in for another kiss. Holding her stomach as far away from him as she could.
“If this is baby steps, then I’m all for them,” Finn said into her mouth as she pulled away. “Do we have to go back to work?”
“No,” Edie whispered back. “We have a home visit to do first.”
They found Mary and Anna playing together in their garden. Anna was holding on tightly to Monty the bear as Mary pushed her on an old wooden swing that looked nervously like it would splinter away with every arc. Anna was squealing with laughter as Monty’s head flopped backwards and forward with the motion. Finn and Edie looked at each other, smiled, and nodded.
“Good afternoon, Mary, Anna, Monty,” Finn said, opening the gate for Edie. “Could we have a minute of your time?”
Anna jumped down from the swing and ran over to hug Edie. The strength of the girl’s feelings, as well as the hug, had Edie’s eyes welling up. She leant down and hugged her back. Finn leant down too and joined in, gathering both Anna and Edie up in his arms.
“Mary, come and join us,” Edie said, noticing the young mother smiling at their group hug.
Mary walked painfully slowly over to them and Finn carefully opened up one arm to let her in. They stayed there for a minute, Edie could hear the rasping breaths of Mary, and watched Anna’s huge eyes stare at her mum in awe.
It was all so unfair.
“Come inside, I’ll get us some cold lemonade,” Mary said, when they had untangled from their hug.
They trouped indoors. Edie marvelled at how homely the little cottage was. There were fairy lights galore; lining the wooden shoe bench in the hallway, scattered across the ceiling of the kitchen, draped over the bookshelves in the living room. They made the cottage feel warm and friendly. Though Edie imagined Mary and Anna would have made it feel warm and friendly whatever the cottage itself looked like. They all sat on the sofas in the living room, an inglenook fireplace took up most of the far wall and Anna was delighting in balancing on the tiled shelf of the hearth, tiptoeing backwards and forwards.
“She doesn’t do that when the fire is on,” Mary said, looking horrified at her daughter.
