“His heart’s not okay,” Anna said, in a voice so loud that Edie flinched. “His heart is all broken because he’s sad that mummy is going away and won’t be here to look after him anymore. And he’ll have to go and live with strangers who will be horrible to him and not know how to give him cuddles just like mummy does or make his shepherd’s pie without peas because he hates peas.”
Anna stopped shouting and grabbed Monty back from Edie. Then, in a move that surprised Edie more than the raised voice, Anna threw her arms around Edie’s legs and clung on so tightly she thought she might topple over.
“Don’t let my mummy die,” her voice came muffled from Edie’s legs.
Edie ignored all the advice about lifting in the early stages of pregnancy and lifted Anna into a bear hug of her own. She carried her back over to where Mary looked ashen faced, rubbing the girl’s back and telling her that all would be okay. It felt wrong lying, but Edie just couldn’t bring herself to tell Anna the truth. She could feel the shudders of the girls sobs through her shoulders slowly coming to a stop. Finn stood and pulled out a chair for Edie, mouthing his concern for her—are you okay?
Edie nodded, glad of his comfort, and sat down carefully so as not to hurt herself or Anna. Anna had started to slip, her body feeling much heavier. Edie thought she needed to work on her muscle strength if this is what happened after only a few minutes of carrying a small child, but when Mary leaned over and stroked Anna’s hair, Edie realised she’d fallen asleep in her arms. Edie’s heart fluttered.
Mary checked that Anna was definitely sleeping. Edie looked at Anna’s pink cheeks, her little mouth was slightly open, and her eyelids flickered with what Edie hoped were now good dreams to wash away the pain she had been feeling so keenly. Edie caught a glimpse of Finn out of the corner of her eye, he was also watching the young girl sleep. His face was etched with pain. Edie wanted to reach out and take his hand, anything to offer him support for what must be a difficult time for him.
“I want you two to do something for me,” Mary said, looking at Edie and Finn in turn. “If I’m going to take part in this trial, I need to know that Anna will be cared for properly. I’ve got no other family who can help me. There’s no-one. If something happens to me, I want you two to look after her for me. She trusts you. In the incredibly little time we’ve known you, she’s grown so fond of you both. She talks about you all the time. I know it’s a lot to ask. But I can see how you two are with each other. You care. And that’s what I need to know will happen to Anna if I…”
She left the sentence hanging. Nobody needed her to finish it.
“That’s my bargaining chip,” Mary continued. “Iwillcontinue on this trial, as long as you both agree to look after Anna.”
She crossed her arms defiantly and Edie felt like she was going to faint. She couldn’t take on the responsibility of a child, not when she was very soon going to have a baby to care for on her own too.
9
Finn knocked gently at the door of the office, half willing it to be empty so he could head home and spend the afternoon tending to his animals and his vegetables. Or running away from the fear that was close to sending him over the edge.
“Enter,” the voice behind the door barked.
Finn sighed and walked into the office.
“Finn, to what do I owe the pleasure?” The hospital director stood up from behind his desk and leant over to shake Finn’s hand. “Sorry to hear about the first trial patient.”
“Georgina, yes it was unfortunate. The cancer had metastasized too far for me to be able to remove it,” Finn said, taking the seat offered up to him. “Actually, it is the trial I am here to talk to you about.”
Finn felt his hands start to sweat. It was funny; put him in front of a cardiac patient with a scalpel and his hands were the driest and steadiest around. In front of people, and it all went wrong.
“Mmm?” The hospital director raised an eyebrow at Finn.
“I’m not sure I am the best person to be doing this.”
“Finn.” The hospital director clutched his hands together and pressed his forefingers to his lips. “Finn. You’ve signed the papers. You’ve done the first surgery. You’ve met the clinical trial patients and have a team under you. But, even if all that wasn’t true, youarethe best person for the job. You’re the top heart surgeon in the county, the country even. You may try to shy away from that by sticking to routine cardiac surgeries, but the evidence is as clear as day.”
“Not anymore it isn’t.”
“I think you’re missing the point, Finn. Just because a patient died, that doesn’t somehow take away your skills. Yes, it’s a tragedy, and sad for the families concerned, but these people are looking at death every day, and they knew that without the surgery they had a prognosis of less than six months. So, the clinical trial was never going to be plain sailing. The sample size was small to start with, simply because it’s such a rare cancer, but each surgery will take us closer to a possible surgical cure because you are learning each and every time. Imagine what this will do for the name of Norfolk Coastal General. For you, Finn. Now, as I understand you have a surgery next Tuesday too, and one the following week. Hopefully these will be more successful and over the next few months you can work with the trial patients as planned on a recovery pathway.”
Finn nodded, feeling dejected. He had known it was going to be difficult to get out of the trial, but now it seemed impossible.
“Sir,” he continued, playing his last possible card. “One of the trial patients is a young single mother. She has asked Edie… Doctor Fletcher, and I to take care of her daughter if she should die during her surgery, she’s made that a stipulation of her continuation in the trial. It is looking likely that we won’t be able to save the patient, but we can’t agree to fostering a child that neither of us know. I mean, Doctor Fletcher and I barely know each other to converse with, let alone bring up a child together.”
Finn hoped his boss wouldn’t notice the blush creeping up his neck.
“Yes, I can see how that would be tricky. But we don’t want her to quit now, not when she has the opportunity for surgery and a possible cure. Plus, two patients really would be too small a sample size,” the director said, drumming his fingers on his desk now. “Okay, you agree to her ultimatum but don’t be explicit about how you will look after the young girl. You wouldn’t be able to foster her anyway, truthfully, it’s a process that takes a long time and can’t just be agreed the way she is asking. But you can certainly let the patient know we will do our best to look after the daughter. How does that sound?”
Like a lie,thought Finn.
“Okay, thanks sir,” he said instead, standing up from the chair and offering his hand this time.
They shook and Finn left feeling a whole lot worse than he had when he arrived.
The next door he knocked on he wasn’t hoping for no answer. Edie called him in and looked flustered as he entered.
