Chapter 21
I woke up miserable and slightly shocked I’d been able to sleep at all, with all the crying and raging and soul-searching I’d been doing. But unconsciousness and a small amount of distance had calmed me down.
Yes, Caspian had been, to put it bluntly, a dickhead. But we’d been having a very intense conversation and he’d probably felt exposed and pounced on, and—in any case—I shouldn’t have reacted by trashing the place like I was Keith Moon. And while part of me really didn’t want to be dependent on Caspian’s generosity in the middle of a fight, it seemed a bit off to throw up my hands and run away immediately.
Not that I didn’t want to. Right now, I would have preferred to be pretty much anywhere than One Hyde Park, including with my family up in Kinlochbervie. But, even putting aside my lack of relationship experience, it seemed pretty fucking obvious that being in the same country was likely a major factor in resolving romantic conflict.
And, hopefully, waking up somewhere across the city—actually, he’d probably already woken up and been at work for sixty-seven hours—Caspian was reaching the same conclusion. The drug dealer phone was almost out of juice because I hadn’t bothered to charge it last night, but a quick check revealed no messages. My thumb hovered over sending one myself, but in the end I didn’t.
He’d started the argument. He could start the peace negotiations.
Although, by three o’clock, I was starting to think that maybe he wouldn’t—and we’d be locked in unending, unacknowledged conflict, like he was Russia and I was Berwick-upon-Tweed. Or, more likely, he would simply send Bellerose to evict me and that would be the end of everything.
The rest of the afternoon dribbled away. Still no word from Caspian.
Several messages from Nik though—and a picture of him shirtless, about to drink a cappuccino, which stopped the day from being 100 percent abysmal, and got it down to a mere 94 percent utter shite.
I had no idea what Caspian was thinking. But maybe he had no idea what I was thinking either. If I’d secretly entertained fantasies of groveling apologies and kissing at the airport while random strangers applauded, the cleaner had put paid to them. Honestly, at this point, I would have settled for a text.
When none came in by bedtime, I’d circled back to the get-the-hell-out-of-Dodge plan. Possibly I was being petty and who contacted who wasn’t important…but no matter how reasonable I tried to force myself to be, it still felt important.
I mean, what was I doing here? What did he want from me—if he wouldn’t trust me, wouldn’t believe me, wouldn’t fucking pick up the phone and call me?
Miserably, I began packing my stuff. It took longer than I expected because it turned out I’d been colonizing. And, while One Hyde Park still intimidated the shit out me, I’d managed to accrue a fair few good memories. That evening with Nik. Eating the Pocky Caspian had bought me. Caspian’s hands on me, when he’d lost control and touched me like I was real. The times I’d made him laugh. The times he’d listened to me.
Gah.
No more crying, Arden.
I crawled into bed and set an alarm for nasty-early—it was going to take the best part of a day to get back home, unless I flew, which wasn’t exactly in my budget, given my income of nothing-a-month. But it was better than hanging around here, waiting for Caspian to decide whether he still wanted me or not. Once again, I didn’t expect to sleep much but I must have dropped off because I was woken up again a few hours later by…
Sounds in the apartment?
My first, hopeful thought was that Caspian had finally come to talk to me. At 4:00 a.m.
Oh shit. There was no way it was him.
Which meant there was someone else here. The cleaners? Surely not at this hour. Was it a burglary? A home invasion? The revolution? Was I about to be executed as a presumed minor dictator or Russian oligarch?
I spasmed into a sitting position. Fuck fuck fuck. I’d left my mobile in the study and the drug dealer phone in the sitting area, so I couldn’t even ring someone. The police or the front desk or the private security company Bellerose had mentioned.
Probably my best option involved diving under the bed and waiting until the thieves…invaders…assassins…zombies had gone but if the noises they were making were anything to go by, it didn’t seem as if they were leaving anytime soon.
Also, once I started paying proper attention, they weren’t particularly aggressive noises. More…laughy-talky-drinky noises.
Right.
Nothing for it.
I was going to have to go out there.
I took a deep breath, de-cocooned myself, and glanced around for something I could use as a weapon. Unfortunately, the closest thing to hand was my Lelo Billy and that probably wasn’t going to do the job. Unless I intended to scare them off with my liberated approach to self-pleasure.
There were various designer knickknacks elegantly positioned here and there about the bedroom—not actual possessions, such as ordinary humans owned, so much as things that looked good and matched the décor—but I wasn’t sure if I’d feel any safer wielding a…was it a vase? Or a candleholder?
Well. Okay then.
I slipped into the corridor and headed for the receiving room.
