“Yeah. I did. You’re the one person I ever trusted,the one other way I’ve ever found to trust love, and if it changes, Rue, if we change.... I need you to be the person that I made you in my life. And I can’t risk losing it.”
“But we did change. We changed. Or maybe more accurately we were finally real about what we wanted.”
“I trusted you,” he said. “To be my friend. And now you’re changing...”
“Don’t you dare,” she said, anger fueling her now. “Don’t you dare turn this around and make it about your trust issues. I love you, you dick,Ididn’t leave you stranded in a cave. I am sorry that your dad is a hideous narcissist. I am sorry that he hurt you. You have no idea how much. And I would spend the rest of my life trying to make up for that for you.”
“I don’t want you to do that. I wanted you to have that perfect life. I wanted you to have that with him. Because that’s what you deserved. You have any idea how fucking relieved I was when you found somebody else.” His voice broke. It brokeher. “Do you have any idea?”
He meant that. With every fiber of his being.
Her eyes filled with tears. “I... Give me the keys to the house.”
He reached into his pocket, and took them out, and she grabbed them.
“I’m going to go,” she said.
“You don’t need to leave,” he said.
“Are you kidding? Yes, I do. You... you broke my heart, Justice. Asher didn’t break my heart. He didn’t have the power to do it. Because I know the difference. I know the difference between a thwarted plan andheartbreak. God. I thought that I did before. I thought I knew. But now I really do. And it hurts. I can’t be with you right now. I can’t stay with you like things are fine.”
“We’re friends, Rue. Lifelong. We’ve weathered all that stuff, and—”
“I don’t know if we can weather this, Justice.”
“You’re acting like my dad,” he said, the words stinging her. “You know, he told me years later... He asked me to do another delivery for him when I was fourteen and I said no. Because I was scared, sure, because of what had happened before but also because I couldn’t stand how disappointed you’d be if you found out I did a drug delivery. I told him no, and he said he wished he would have let me die because I was useless. I did that for you, and now you’re leaving me?”
That made her feel like she was being stabbed right in the chest.
She had been afraid of this. Terrified, and part of herself had decided that no matter what she would stay his friend. But now she didn’t know. Just like she had said to Arizona and Bix and Fia, she didn’t know what the right thing to do was. To demand everything, to demand what she wanted, to not be another person who abandoned him, or who loved him conditionally. She didn’t know what would be possible. And she wouldn’t know for a while. She was certain of that. She was also... You couldn’t unhammer a nail. They could never take this and make it something that it wasn’t. They could never take it and make it whole again. And it was up to her to decide if she was okay with the shape of the new relationship they were left with, or if she had to walk.
“I’ll pay you back for the house,” she said.
“I don’t want you to.”
“I’m not sure that I can be beholden to you, Justice.”
“You’re going walk away from our friendship over this? Over sex?”
“It’snotover sex. I don’t know if I can stand being with you knowing what we could be. Knowing what you won’t let us be. You had really awful stuff happen to you. And I am so sorry. Of course you don’t trust people. You’re so worried about the way you think you can love me, why don’t you think about the way that I loved you. For all those years. The way that I earned your trust. You’re entitled to your trauma. Because it is really bleak. ButIdeserve better. I’ve been the best friend. I’ve been loyal to you. I stayed. I’m everything that I’ve ever said that I was. You felt so sorry for me when my behavior didn’t get me what you thought I deserved. But what aboutthis? I’ve earned the right to be loved. I’ve earned your trust. You not giving it is about you. It’s a choice.”
She stood there for a moment, then walked into her room and opened up her Justice box. She took the borrowed necklace out and she went back to him.
“Take it,” she said, holding it out to him.
“Ruby...”
“Take it, Justice.” She shoved it into his palm. “I don’t want it. It doesn’t mean anything now.”
She stormed out the door and stood in the driveway, her world spinning.
She decided then that she would call Bix, Arizona and Fia to have them help her move, even though sheknew the two pregnant women would only be able to lift light things. She knew they would understand what she was doing. She knew they would understand.
She clutched the keys in her hand and went out to her car, her whole world dissolving around her. “Bix,” she said, dialing her first. “I need help moving.”
“Is that code for committing a murder? Because if so, I’m in.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
