He was her tall, handsome, confident friend.
How had she not seen the depth of his vulnerability?
He was her brave, larger-than-life surrogate, who lived life in a way she was too timid to.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I told you. I got stuck in a cave-in.”
“You were just down there playing?”
“More or less,” he said, shrugging.
She knew him, though. She knew it wasn’t a casual gesture. Knew that his muscles were tense. That he was upset.
“More or less,” she repeated. “What does that mean?”
“Let’s go zip lining. I’m fine with zip lining.”
“What happened?” She knew she was being persistent, but she just felt like all the doors between them had opened last night, and he was still keeping things from her. And it just seemed silly.
“I got sent on an errand, okay?” He shook his head. “I was doing something for somebody. I went into the cave, there was a cave-in. Nobody was looking for me. Or maybe they did, but they didn’t look in that spot. Itwas a long, shitty few days. But I survived it. But no, I don’t go back in the caves for fun.”
“Somebodysent you?”
“It’s not...” He let out a long breath. “You really want to have this conversation now?”
“When else can we have it?”
“Maybe when the focus of the week is not us... doing this. Why do we need to talk about personal stuff on top of that?”
“I know that you’re in a little bit of a different space with this kind of thing than I am, but for me, what we just did is personal. So it all seems compatible.”
“My dad used to give me... packages. To put in the cave.”
“What?”
“He told me it was important, and that he could only trust me with it. Not even Denver. And Denver was... He was the oldest, and I always thought he was Dad’s favorite. If you knew... if you knew how magnetic my dad was. How fun he could be. How much I looked up to him. He told me it was a special job only I could do and I wanted to be special.” His eyes went vacant. “I didn’t understand what I was doing. I... I thought I was doing something good. Helping the family. Helping my dad.”
“What was it?”
He looked away. “Drugs. I found that out later when Denver finally started talking about some of his own experiences with Dad. I used to take them out there and stick them in the back of the cave. Because only a kid could get back there. I have no idea who was picking them up. Probably some other kid that was actinglike a mule. My dad told me the most important thing was keeping it secret. So when the cave-in happened, and I was trapped in there with the package I... I was terrified to be found. Terrified not to be. I knew... I knew if someone found out I’d have failed my dad. It could have ruined everything. They’d have found the drugs and... and he’d have been arrested.”
“Why haven’t you ever told me this?”
“Because it doesn’t matter. It’s a thing that happened when I was like seven years old.”
“You were a child.” Her chest hurt. She could barely breathe. “Why didn’t your dad come for you?”
“He... he had to make sure if he did that his secret wouldn’t get out.”
“Justice, you were a child. Why didn’t you ever tell me this happened? It’s horrifying.”
“It was a long time ago. And the only lingering issue is really the fear of caves. All things considered, I got out pretty well unscathed.”
“Are you serious? You think you got out of it unscathed? You think that all you have is aslight phobia of caves? You don’t think that any of your other issues—”
“What other issues?”
